


For My Help

by blakeslouie



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellamy is the school counsellor, Bullying, Clarke and Murphy have a special friendship, Depression, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death, Self-Harm, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-06-07 22:02:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 49,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15228843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakeslouie/pseuds/blakeslouie
Summary: A/U- Clarke's suffering badly after her dad died one month ago, her friends are all really worried about her and just want to help. She hates that they are worrying about her but more importantly she hates that she is being forced to speak to the school counsellor, who just so happens to be Bellamy Blake... who she also happens to hate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, here is my new fic! Make sure to check the warning's out before you read because if you're sensitive with any of the tags then this may not be for you. You have been warned! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!

Clarke groaned as she heard her alarm go off, the last thing she wanted right now was to wake up and face the reality of the world. School sucked, to put it plainly. Everyone there sucked, well almost everyone. She had some great friends, there wasn’t a lot of them, but they were the best friends anyone could ask for, that’s why she hated bothering them so much. She lay in bed for a few more minutes, just thinking. Her mum didn’t come home again last night otherwise she’d have been banging on Clarke’s door to wake up. Clarke sighed and threw her covers back, she really didn’t want to get up. This past month had sucked, Clarke doesn’t think she’d been ever as down in her life. She went into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror, she looked down not wanting to see anymore and pulled out her antidepressants, that the doctor had prescribed her, and popped one down her throat. 

After getting washed and ready she only had a few minutes left before she had to leave, and she wasn’t hungry so decided to skip her breakfast, it wasn’t unfamiliar for her to do that. Grabbing her bag, she loaded herself into her car and drover herself to the hell that was called school.

Walking up to her locker she see’s Echo and her friends and puts her head down, the last thing she wants is to run into them this morning. She makes it to her locker without a hitch and sighs, thank god. “Boo!” Someone makes her jump and she turns around ready to face whoever it is but breathes a sigh of relief out when she realises it is just Octavia and Raven. “Sorry Clarke, did we make you jump?” Raven frowns apologetically and Clarke shakes her head, she doesn’t need this right now. “No, it’s fine.” She says quietly as she continues to put her books away. “Did you sleep well last night?” Octavia asks softly, and she shrugs not knowing how to answer, the truth is, she didn’t. She hasn’t slept well for the past 3 months. 

She can sense Raven and Octavia looking at each other worriedly. “Hey, do you want to hang out after school tonight? Murphy says we can hang in his basement.” Raven says trying to sound eager to tempt Clarke to come but Clarke shakes her head. She just doesn’t feel like being sociable right now. “No, thanks. I have too much homework.” She mumbles as she shuts her locker door and faces the girls. They looked worried and concerned and she hates that they look at her like that, she fucking hates all of this. “Stop looking at me like I’m a lost cause.” She snaps and walks away, feeling the burning of their eyes on her back as she walks to first period.

She makes it through first and second period without any hitches but that can’t be said for her as she’s walking to lunch. She hears them before she sees them. 

“Oi, freak!” She shuts her eyes and walks quicker, trying to get away from them but she feels a tug on her arm and is spun round. It’s then she notices the hallway is empty. She comes face to face with Echo and her minions; Ontari and Lexa. She gulps as she notices them smirking at her. “What’s wrong? Clarke feeling a bit down because her dad left her whining ass.” Echo spits and the other girls laugh. 

Don’t cry Clarke, don’t cry Clarke she thinks but she can feel tears building. Echo notices and puts her bottom lip out. “Aw, is baby going to cry because no one wants to be around her anymore and everyone has noticed what a weird, ugly freak she is?” Echo laughs, and Clarke wants to punch her, god she wished she even had the energy. 

She hears footsteps and before Echo can get another word out she feels someone’s presence behind her. “What’s going on here?” She hears Murphy’s voice and inwardly sighs, thank god. “Nothing Murphy, we were just leaving.” Echo smirks at Clarke and then they’re gone. 

Clarke wipes her eyes and turns to face Murphy, Miller and Lincoln staring at her. They all had concerned expressions on their faces and she hated it. “You ok?” Murphy asked softly, and she wasn’t really used to seeing this side of him she has to say. She nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m okay. That was nothing.” She said, almost as if she was trying to convince herself too. She could tell they knew she was lying but they nodded anyway. 

Murphy put a hand on her back and they all walked to the canteen where her other friends were waiting.

Raven, Octavia, Monty and Harper were waiting for them and she noticed them look over at her when they’d seen. 

“Hi Clarke!” Harper said quite energetically, and she felt her lifts curl upward. Harper was the one who was always happy and could make you feel like you had lots of energy just by being with her. She nodded at her and sat down.

“Are you eating anything?” Raven asked her with a hint of questioning and she shook her head. “I had a large breakfast.” Clarke said shrugging and she hoped it would put them off the questions, they didn’t ask again so she knew they’d bought it.

“So, who’s coming to my party next weekend?” Octavia asked excitedly, and everyone buzzed, they loved Octavia’s parties. Her house was huge because her mum had died when she was 13 and she’d left them their house and a huge ton of money. Lucky her, Clarke thought. Clarke didn’t want to go but she knew Octavia wouldn’t let it go if she said no to her. 

Octavia looked at her once everyone had agreed they were coming and raised an eyebrow hopefully. “Yeah, I’ll be there.” Clarke croaked out softly and Octavia squealed as she came around the side of the table and hugged Clarke tightly. Clarke’s lips quirked upwards, but it was gone as soon as it had arrived. “I am so excited but there’s one problem, my stupid brother is in.” She groaned as the others laughed, they knew Octavia’s big brother and they didn’t have a problem with him. He was cool, well to others. 

Bellamy Blake, he was Octavia’s older brother and he had pretty much raised her because o how much their mum had worked when she was alive, and they didn’t have a dad. Octavia always gushed about the amazing holidays she went on with him and how awesome he was, so whenever she complained about him Clarke knew she didn’t mean it. He also happened to be their School Counsellor, always helping others. Clarke knew it wouldn’t be long until she was being summoned into his office and forced to blurt out her thoughts and feelings but oh boy, she had no intention doing that. See, her and Bellamy weren’t exactly close and to put in bluntly, they couldn't really stand each other. She said hi to him when she was over at Octavia’s and he barely acknowledged her because he was 25 and she had only just turned 18. Plus, he worked at her school, so she often found it weird so tried to not speak to him as much as she could. Anyway, to sum things up Octavia thought the world of her big brother and Clarke felt awkward whenever she was around him. 

“Octavia, you never mind him being there.” Lincoln said confused and the others, bar Clarke, laughed. “It’s just annoying, he always has to check we’re being responsible and no one is going crazy.” She rolls her eyes and she shoves another chip into her mouth. Lincoln shook his head laughing and wrapped his arm round her shoulder. Clarke loved them together, they were the most adorable couple and she was jealous of them. 

The same couldn’t be said for Murphy and Raven. She turned her head to see Murphy rolling his eyes as Raven ranted on at him and inwardly smiled. They weren’t together yet, but she knew it wouldn’t be long, they may argue but she didn’t miss the longing look each one sent to the other when they weren’t looking. 

Miller was with Monty and when they’d come out at first everyone was surprised, not Clarke though. She expected it and she had been so happy for them, they deserved each other. 

Then Jasper and Harper. They’d been together the longest and were just utterly and completely in love. She could see them getting married soon and she be there supporting them along the way. 

As for herself, well… she wasn’t with anyone. She felt sad sometimes because everyone had someone, but they always managed to include her in everything and never made her feel left out. They really were the greatest friends and she wouldn’t swap them for the world. 

Her stomach grumbled but she pushed it away, she just didn’t want to eat right now. She felt herself yawn and shut her eyes as she placed her head on the table. “Clarke, you ok?” She heard Octavia’s voice in concern and she nodded as she sat back up. Guess her nap would have to wait, god all she wanted to do was go home. The bell for 3rd period was going to go any moment and she knew she was in gym next. God, the thought of it made her want to hurl. 

Just before anyone moved she heard the canteen door open and everyone carried on with their conversations, no one had noticed someone walking towards them. “Hey Bell!” Octavia said smiling widely as her big brother came over. 

Clarke wanted to shrink into her chair even more. Bellamy rolled his eyes and put a hand on his hip, “It’s Mr Blake for you guys at school.” He teased, and she saw Octavia roll her eyes at him before biting her lip and looking at Clarke. “Anyway, I came here to ask Clarke if she would come with me to my office.” Clarke’s eyes snapped open and she turned to him to see his brown eyes staring down at her with a sympathetic smile on his face. She hated it that he looked at her like that. 

“Do I have to?” She whined, and he coughed before nodding. “Yeah but it’ll get you a pass out of gym?” He offered, and she rolled her eyes and sighed before standing up. She saw all of their faces looking at her with the same expression, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. She grabbed her bag and put It on her shoulder, waving goodbye to her friends as she followed Bellamy out of the canteen and into his office.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So 5x09 had me shook. I'm so excited for next week's episode! Anyway, enjoy!

Clarke trudged into Bellamy’s office and shut the door behind her before sitting down. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about her ‘feelings’ and especially not with Bellamy. 

“So, Clarke, how are you doing?” Bellamy said sitting down at his desk and she shrugged. He nodded and put away his pad and paper, looking at her now. “I understand what happened and I am very sorry for your loss.” He said with sympathy and she gulped before looking away, she didn’t need this. 

“How long do you need me for?” She asked, and Bellamy frowned before shrugging. “I just wanted a chat you know?” He says, and she resists the urge to roll her eyes. “Did Octavia set you up to do this? Because if she did, I am fine.” Clarke said, as if she was trying to not only convince Bellamy but also herself. Bellamy shook his head and looked at Clarke seriously. 

“She didn’t. This is my job Clarke and it’s my job to make sure you’re ok after- “Clarke interrupts him, getting impatient. “After what? My fucking dad died? I’m fine ok and I wish everyone would stop asking me! And it’s not like you care. You hate me, and you think that I’m going to fall for your act? No fucking way just fuck off” She shouted and stood up before swinging the door open and storming out. Bellamy sighed in concern and remained seated, he knew Clarke was stubborn and he knew it was going to take a lot more for her to talk to him. 

Clarke skipped the rest of the day and went home. She had honestly had enough and all she wanted was to go to bed and be alone for the rest of the night. How dare Bellamy try and talk to her. He may be the school counsellor, but he has never shown any interest in checking up on her before. He hated her, and he had always made that very clear. 

She was sick of everyone pitying her and staring at her with soft and sympathetic eyes. She didn’t need the constant reminder that her dad had died, it broke her head. She slammed her bedroom door shut and fell onto the ground sobbing. She missed her dad so fucking much, all she wanted right now was a hug off him, but she couldn’t have it.

Clarke felt nausea rising and ran to her bedroom, barely getting to the toilet before she was sick. She hadn’t eaten anything today so all that came up was water and bile. Flushing her toilet once she was done, she sat down on the floor and cried. She sobbed so much that she couldn’t breathe properly. She had to calm down. Her mum hadn’t come home again, shock, so she knew she was alone. When did life get so fucking shit? And unfair? 

She shook her head and forced herself to stand up before looking at herself in the mirror. To her right she saw a glint of silver and noticed her razor blade there. Grabbing it she took a deep breath and held it to her wrist before gliding it across swiftly, over and over. Sobs erupted from her as she did it. I’m sorry dad was all she was thinking before she put a bandage on them and got into bed, crying herself to sleep.

Bellamy got home from work and he was exhausted to say the least, he saw Octavia sat at the kitchen table eating a yoghurt. 

He sighed “Sorry I’m late home O, I was really busy.” He reasoned before getting a bottle of water out the cupboard. He saw Octavia nodding and carried on eating her yoghurt. “You ok?” He asked her with a raised eyebrow, she wasn’t usually this quiet. “I’m just so worried about Clarke. How did it go with her?” Octavia asked, and Bellamy ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “O… You know I’m not allowed to discuss anything that’s said in there with you. It’s confidential.” Octavia sighed and nodded. 

Bellamy could tell Octavia was worried and he wasn’t surprised. “But the only thing I can say is that she stormed out, she was in my room for about 5 minutes before she left shouting.” He sat down opposite her and saw Octavia bite her lip. Honestly, he knew Clarke wasn’t ok and he wished Clarke would have said more. Truthfully, he and Clarke had never gotten on. She was just his sisters best friend but, he had a job to do and he had to put professional over personal.

“She’s really not ok Bell. Her dad dying has destroyed her.” Octavia whispered as a lump formed in her throat and tears sprang to her eyes. Bellamy barely ever saw Octavia cry so whenever she did he knew it was bad. He got up and walked round to her giving her a hug. “O, she’ll be ok. I’ll try speaking to her again in a couple of days ok? To let her cool off.” He assured her, and Octavia nodded and stood up.

“I’m going to Murphy’s for a bit to hang out.” She said kissing Bellamy’s cheek and Bellamy nodded and smiled at her. “Okay, home before 10!” He tried to sound strict and Octavia rolled her eyes, but Bellamy knew she would be, she knew it was hard for him to care for the two of them and the last thing she wanted to do was make it hard work. 

Clarke woke up to someone stood over her and saw her mum stood there staring at her. “Mum?” She asked sleepily, she’d finally just managed to get to sleep and had now been woken up. She looked at the bedside table and it was 4am. She groaned and turned back over. 

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked hesitantly. Her mum crossed her arms and swayed, and it was then Clarke could tell she was drunk. “You don’t deserve to sleep.” She spat, and Clarke rolled her eyes, it was another one of her episodes and she knew her mum would make her feel shit again. “Mum just go to sleep.” She sat up and her mum laughed bitterly.

“Sleep? Why should we be able to sleep when your father is dead!” She spat throwing her arms about and Clarke gulped before shaking her head. “Mum-“She started but Abby cut her off sharply. “It’s all your fault. It’s all your fault your father is dead and now I’ve lost my husband and you have no dad. It’s all your fault!” She screamed and slapped Clarke across the face. She felt tears rise in her eyes and held her cheek. 

Abby then stumbled out and slammed the door shut behind her. Clarke put a hand to her mouth and sobbed quietly. Her mum was right, it was all her fault. She was the reason she had no dad, she didn’t deserve anyone. If they knew the truth no one would want to be her friend, no one would care for her. Maybe she deserved that. She was shaking she was crying so hard. God, she had never felt so shit in her life. 

Before she knew it, it was 7am and her alarm was going off. Clarke decided to skip today, she really didn’t fancy going into school and seeing one and she especially didn’t want to speak to Bellamy. She snoozed her alarm and just lay in bed. Tear tracks had stained her cheeks and her wrist had a dull ache from where she’d hurt herself last night. She doesn’t know how long she’d been lay there but there was a knock at the door. She groaned and knew her mum wouldn’t be in so got up and went downstairs to open it. She was surprised to see Murphy there. 

“Hey Clarke.” He smiled, and she raised an eyebrow as if to ask him what he was doing here. “I noticed you skipped school today and we were all really worried. Octavia and Raven wanted to come but they had cheer practice so… here I am.” He shrugged smiling at her and she nodded and looked down. “I wasn’t feeling well.” She winced at her voice that she barely had left from all the crying and screaming and pulled her sleeve down more. Murphy looked concerned and handed her a bag full of treats, medicine and drink. 

She gratefully took it and lifted her lip up slightly. “Thanks Murphy.” She croaked, and he nodded. “No problem. Clarke, we’re worried. If there’s anything wrong or you need anything you’d talk to us, right?” He asked concerned and Clarke had never felt so guilty. God, she was such a shit friend. 

Anyhow, she nodded and swallowed. “Yeah, I appreciate it.” She said honestly, because she really did. He didn’t have to do this, but he’d gone out of his way to check up on her. 

“Will you be in tomorrow? Bellamy came to speak to you today, but you weren’t in.” Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes, of fucking course he did. “Yeah, I’ll be in tomorrow.” She was already dreading it, but she couldn’t afford to miss anymore of work. 

“Where’s your mum?” Murphy asked, and Clarke had flashbacks to last night and gulped. She realised her cheek was probably bruised but Murphy hadn’t noticed it, so she was good. “She’s at work.” Clarke muttered, and Murphy could see something was off but nodded anyway. “Ok, well see you tomorrow Clarke and… take care.” He said the last part softly and Clarke was honestly shocked, she’d never seen him be like this. 

She nodded and shut the door before sliding down it and sobs started coming out her mouth before she even reached the bottom. God, she hated everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for angst, so here you go! Enjoy! For updates about this fic make sure to follow my social medias:  
> Twitter- @blakeslouie__  
> Tumblr- @blakeslouiex

Clarke walked into school with her head hung down low, she didn’t want to be here, and her face was really sore from where she’d been hit last night. She knew her mum was grieving, and Clarke didn’t blame her for hurting her. She arrived at her locker to see her two best friends waiting there. 

“We missed you last night.” Octavia said with a slight smile and Clarke nodded and threw an apologetic look towards her and Raven before opening her locker. She heard the familiar laugh from Echo and instantly went tense. The last thing she wanted or needed today was running into that group. She could feel Octavia and Ravens eyes on her back and slammed her locked shut.

“What is it?” She spat out, she wished everyone would just speak to her normally instead of staring all the time. She saw the shocked looks on Raven and Octavia’s face because Clarke didn’t usually be so aggressive towards them, but she’d had enough. 

“We’re just wo- “Clarke had really had enough of people saying that to her. “Worried, I know. But I am fine, please stop treating me as if I am fragile.” She said quietly, and she saw them nod. “Okay, sorry.” Raven muttered and now Clarke felt bad.

God Clarke, you’re such an idiot. You always hurt your friends and make them feel like shit. You’re a fucking failure. She shook the thoughts out of her head and turned to her friends to see them looking at her strangely. “See you later.” Clarke muttered and walked off to her first class.

Of course, the world wasn’t on her side though because she was cornered in the empty hallway by none other than Echo, Ontari and Lexa. She gulped and tried to raise her head, to show them she was strong.   
“Don’t try to be strong, we all know you’re a weak, pathetic slut.” Echo spat at her and they all laughed. Clarke shut her eyes and scrunched her hands up into fists, feeling her nails cutting her palm. “Aw, is the freak going to cry?” Echo laughed, taking the piss out of her and Clarke just wanted to shrink into a whole.

“Come on, don’t be such a coward.” Echo shoved her, and she felt anger rise inside of her. 

“Fuck off Echo, leave me alone.” She spat before realising what she had said. She saw shock on Lexa and Ontari’s face but just pure anger on Echo’s. 

Before she realised what had happened she was slammed back into the locker and Echo was in her face. “Listen here slut. No one likes you, you’re nothing but a failure and no one wants to be around you. Heck, I bet your dad is glad he is dead because now he doesn’t have to put up with a worthless, ugly, freakish slut as a daughter.” Clarke felt a tear run down her face as Echo spat them words out at her. Echo was right, she was all of them and it was her fault her dad was dead. Even her mum thought that.

Before anyone could get another word out there was a booming voice coming down the hall. “Echo! Don’t you and your friends have somewhere to be?” Clarke looked to see Bellamy walking down the hall and an expression on his face that she couldn’t quite figure out what it was. Echo rolled her eyes and looked at Clarke one more time before smirking and walking away. Clarke quickly wiped her tear and picked her bag up that had fallen out of her hand. 

“Hey Clarke, you ok?” Bellamy asked concerned as he noticed a few tear tracks on her face. Why did he care? He hated her. She nodded and refused to make eye contact with him.

Bellamy sighed and handed Clarke back a book that she had dropped. “I was actually wanting to speak to you, mind coming with me to my office?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke wanted to groan, that was the last place she wanted to go but she knew she couldn’t get out of it. 

So, she nodded, and she saw his face light up at the fact that she was actually agreeing to go with him. He nodded, and they walked to his room.

Once in his room they both sat down, and Clarke stared at the floor. She felt awkward and all she wanted to do was go home, her morning was already shit and it was only just first period. 

“So, Clarke” Bellamy started. “Octavia said you’re coming to her party on Friday. That’ll be fun.” He smiled, and she nodded, why was Octavia even discussing her with Bellamy in the first place? The silence fell over again, and it didn’t take a complete genius to work out that Clarke did not want to talk to him. 

“Look Clarke, I’m just trying to help.” Clarke scoffed, and he raised an eyebrow at her, now she was actually facing him. 

“Help? You hate me.” Bellamy ran a hand over his face and sighed. 

“Clarke, this would just make everything easier if you would talk to me. I’m just trying to do my job.” Right of course. He hadn’t even denied it and the only reason he was talking to her was because of his job, he still hated her, and he did not care. Clarke felt a lump in her throat and pushed it down.

“Is something going on with Echo?” He asked, and she snapped her head up. Bellamy had a concerned look on his face. 

“No. Nothing is going on.” She lied, and he raised an eyebrow. “I know what I saw this morning. You’re telling me she wasn’t being mean?” He said, and Clarke just wanted to slap him. Why was he so nosey? 

“I said nothing is going on. Just fucking leave it.” She snapped, and Bellamy crossed his arms. “Clarke, you’re not supposed to use that language.” She sat there and stared at him with a solemn face, god she hated him so much. 

“I’m telling the truth. It’s ok, I’m ok and my life is just fucking ok.” She threw her arms up and Bellamy looked at her. He knew he had to control himself, it was his job. “Clarke, I’m trying to help you here. If you don’t tell me, I can’t do anything about it.” Bellamy stated, letting Clarke know that he could still help her.

No one would ever care for her, she didn’t deserve anyone’s care. “Fine. What do you want to know? That my dad died and I’m trying my best to cope even though I’m dying inside?” Bellamy put his hands together and looked at her without saying anything, a sign for her to continue. “I miss him and I feel so alone. I miss him so much.” She felt a tear fall and looked down. She missed him so much. 

“Clarke, I know it is hard. I know how you feel, these are the hardest days, but you’ll get through them. Your friends care for you and they want to help you.” Bellamy said softly and with a tone like that Clarke felt she could tell him anything. “I don’t deserve my friends.” Bellamy frowned at her tone and what she said. 

“Clarke, I know for a fact that your friends love you and they are all worried about you. They just want to help you, as do I.” He said in the softest tone Clarke had ever heard him speak in. “Then why do you hate me?” She asked quietly, and Bellamy gulped. She looked so fragile and small. God, he was a dick. 

Before anything else could be said the bell rang and she stood up, snapping out of her daze. She nodded at him and reached for the door. 

“Clarke?” She turned around and looked at him. “If you ever need to talk, anytime of the day… or just sit in here. My door is always open, ok?” He asked, and she nodded. “Thank you. I’ll be sure to remember that.” She nodded and walked out and Bellamy sighed, he had to help her. 

It was later on in the day and Clarke felt awful. She hadn’t eaten anything but an apple in the past 48 hours and she felt as if she was about to pass out. Not to mention that Echo was throwing her daggers from the other side of the classroom and none of her friends was in her class during that period. She raised her hand and the teacher looked at her expectedly. 

“Please can I be excused?” The teacher rolled his eyes and nodded before going back to teaching. She gulped, gathered her things and walked out. 

Before she knew where she was even walking too she ended up outside Bellamy’s office. She didn’t know why she had chosen to come here but she remembered his offer and decided she may as well take it. She knocked on the door and pushed it open to see Bellamy sat inside, writing some things down. He looked surprised to see her. 

“Clarke, how may I help?” He asked expectedly, and she gulped before shutting the door. “Please can I just sit in here for a bit, I’m not feeling the best.” He frowned and stood up walking over to her. 

“What’s wrong? Are you sick?” Something like that, Clarke thought. “Class was just a bit too much and I didn’t want to be there anymore. And I remembered your offer so…” She trailed off and he nodded and sat back down. 

“Of course, I’m just doing some paperwork if you have anything you want to do or…” He trailed off and she nodded before getting a book out and started to read it, missing the small smile that was on Bellamy’s face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So, I'm going on holiday tonight so I'm going to try and update as usual these next two weeks but if I don't it's because I'm away. Anyway, enjoy!

It was the night of the party and Clarke really didn’t want to go. All she wanted to do was sleep and be by herself, but she knew Octavia would not have it. She sighed as she looked threw her wardrobe for something to wear. She didn’t want to wear anything that showed much skin and she didn’t want to wear anything tight. She sighed as she threw another item of clothing on the floor before lying on her bed. Groaning she shut her eyes and tried to relax. Damn Octavia for making her go to this party.

“Clarkeeee!” She heard a shout and groaned even more, speak of the Devil herself. The door burst open and in walked Octavia, Raven and Harper smiling at her. 

“What’s gone on in here?” Harper asked looking around and Clarke shrugged. 

“I don’t want to go.” She mumbled and opened her eyes to see Octavia’s face and she was not impressed.

“Clarke, you are coming. Now, lets find you something nice to wear!” She said enthusiastically and started rooting through Clarke’s wardrobe. 

Raven sat next to her and smiled at her. “It will be fun Clarke, c’mon.” Clarke loved her friends but god, they were persuasive. “I literally have nothing to wear.” She shook her head and it was silent before an ecstatic yes sounded out throughout her room. 

She saw Octavia holding up a dress and to be honest, she had completely forgotten she even had that. It was a black bodycon dress that hugged her curves and was halter neck with a diamond shape cut out of her chest. Great, everything she didn’t want to wear. 

“This will look amazing!” Octavia squealed, and Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Of course, Octavia liked it. She’d have to wear some bracelets to cover the cuts on her arm but apart from that, she knew she’d have to wear it. She finally agreed much to the pleasure of Octavia and Raven and let them get her ready.

It was 9pm and Clarke was stood in the packed living room of Octavia’s house. She’d knocked back some shots earlier because she knew she’d have to have alcohol for her to actually survive the night. She was feeling drunk and the music was blasting down her ears. She couldn’t see anyone and frowned. Where were her friends? God Clarke knew this would be a disaster. 

She chugged the remains of her drink down and almost gagged at the strong burning flowing down her throat. Walking to the kitchen to pour herself another drink and saw Octavia and Lincoln making out. She smiled at them and poured herself another glass of vodka, she was hitting it hard tonight. Octavia noticed her then.

“Clarkeeee, I love you.” She pouted and kissed Clarke on the cheek. Clarke laughed at her, god if Bellamy saw Octavia like this. Speaking of Bellamy, Clarke hadn’t seen him, so he was either out or hiding and to be honest, she was glad. The last thing she needed was to run into him.

“I made Clarke laugh!” Octavia said excitedly, and Clarke rolled her eyes as she went back to making out with Lincoln. 

“Well miss, how much have you had to drink?” She met eyes with a wondering Murphy and Raven stood next to him and she shrugged. “Not too much.” She slurred, and Murphy laughed. 

“You doing ok?” He asked, and Clarke chose to ignore him and poured herself yet another drink, missing Murphy’s frown. “I think you’ve had enough Clarke.” He tried to grab the drink off her and she shot away, glaring at him. 

“You don’t know what I’ve had. I’m fine.” She spat at him and he sighed. “Clarke-“ But Clarke wasn’t having any of it. She was drink and she just wanted to have fun. Raven tried to reach for her but she shrugged her off.

“I’m just trying to have fun, like you all want me too. Leave me be.” She stormed off with a full cup of vodka and made her way into the crowd, dancing with everyone and anyone. She didn’t get her friends, they wanted her to have fun and then when she does they try stop her? Rolling her eyes she drank some of her drink, the burn wasn’t even affecting her anymore. She realised she needed to pee and walked upstairs.

She’d not been to Octavia’s house in a while, so she’d be lying if she said she remembered where the toilet was. Staggering down the empty hall she burst into the first room on the right thinking it was the toilet but instead her eyes met with big brown ones and she was facing Bellamy.

“Clarke?” Bellamy squinted as if he wasn’t seeing right. She hiccupped and stood up straight. Bellamy was in bed watching something on tv and he was in just a plain top and his boxers. Clarke inwardly giggled and waved sloppily. He looked at her up and down before shaking his head.

“You okay?” He asked sitting up straighter and she nodded and hiccupped again. “I am fineeee, everything is fineee.” She slurred, and she heard Bellamy sigh and sit up more. 

“Clarke, how much have you had to drink?” He asked as if he was annoyed and she glared at him. “Like you care, I just thought this was the bathroom.” She rolled her eyes and swayed, almost falling over. Bellamy shook his head and turned his tv off before standing up and crossing his arms.

“You need some water.” Bellamy stated, and Clarke laughed, but it wasn’t a nice laugh. It was shallow. 

“I need some vodka.” She pointed at him and shook her head as if she was thinking something and Bellamy rolled his eyes and grabbed her arm. Clarke snatched her arm away and dropped her drink onto Bellamy’s carpet and he ran a hand over his face and Clarke could tell he was angry. “Stop being a child and get some water.” He almost shouted and she crossed her arms, she wasn’t in the mood for his bullshit today.

“I’m not a child. I’m just having fun.” Clarke felt herself getting angry and her head was spinning, she wasn’t happy at all. Bellamy tried to pull her out the room, but she snatched her arm back and pushed him instead. “Fuck off, don’t touch me.” She spat at him and Bellamy chuckled humourlessly running a hand through his hair. Clarke could tell he was fuming but she didn’t care.

“Stop being a little Brat and get the fuck out of my room.” He almost shouted and Clarke felt tears brim in her eyes at his tone. God, he was a dick. 

She swallowed and went to reply when a horrible wave of nausea passed over her. Fuck sake. She put a hand to her mouth and sprinted to the room next door, which was thankfully the bathroom, and just reached the toilet in time before emptying the contents of her stomach which just so happened to be nothing but vodka.

She continued to throw up as the tears came and the next thing she knew she was sobbing over the toilet too. God, she was in a state. She heard the door open and a sigh echoed throughout the room before a hand held her hair back and rubbed her back softly with the other hand. Clarke felt more sobs erupt and he shushed her softly as he rubbed circle motions on her back in a comforting way.

“Ssh, it’s ok. Get it out.” He whispered over and over, and Clarke sobbed even harder. 

Once she was done she fell back against the wall, but the sobs wouldn’t stop. She sobbed and sobbed, and Bellamy flushed the toilet before sitting there with her, not leaving her alone.

“Clarke, hey c’mon it’s ok.” He said softly putting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing it and she took a deep breath before all that was coming out of her mouth was whimpers.

“I’m sorry.” She croaked softly, and he sighed and shook his head before sitting in front of her, looking at her. “Don’t be. I’m sorry.” Bellamy stated, and she looked at him. God, she knew she looked a mess. This was so embarrassing.

“I drank too much.” She admitted, and she heard a chuckle from Bellamy and was shocked, it was a genuine one. “I figured.” He winked, and she nodded. She wasn’t in the mood for joking right now.

“Want to talk about it?” He offered, and she sighed and leaned back. Her head was still spinning but she didn’t feel sick anymore.

“I miss him so much.” She whispered as she felt some more tears fall and he rubbed her shoulder softly. God, he was a good comforter she had to admit that.

“It get’s better. I promise.” He whispered back just as soft and she looked up to see him staring at her with genuine eyes. She swallowed and looked at him with a sort of disbelief look on her face.

“When though? Because it’s been a month and my worlds falling apart everyday more and more.” Clarke croaked. “I’m always here to talk Clarke, I hope you know that.” She nodded and felt herself getting tired and before she knew it she was passed out against the wall in the bathroom and Bellamy sighed. 

He felt for her, he really did, and he knew he was being a dick before but he just get’s so frustrated. Standing up, he put one arm under her knees and the other under her neck and carried out, putting her into his bed. Clarke groaned, and he put the bin next to her in case she needed to throw up again. Bellamy put the cover over her and wiped her face, he’d had experience from anytime Octavia had come home too drunk to stand and he knew girls hated waking up with their makeup still on.

Once he’d finished, he made sure she was ok, and he’d get some water and aspirin later when the party was over, so he didn’t annoy his sister. He stood and looked at Clarke and he couldn’t help but feel empathy for her. She was struggling, and it was obvious, and Bellamy knew he’d have to do his job even better.

“Everything ok?” He looked to see his sister stood there with concern and he sighed at her swaying, she was drunk too he thought before nodding. He knew it probably looked weird.

“Yeah, Clarke was sick, and she passed out, so I thought I’d put her In my bed since I know Lincoln’s probably staying over and there’s no where else. I’ll stay on the couch.” Bellamy said as he looked at Octavia and she sighed, standing next to him.

“She’s really not ok Bell. She’s struggling.” Bellamy nodded in agreement and it was silent before Octavia hugged him. He knew it was because of the alcohol that she was being extra soft, but he wasn’t one to complain. He hugged her back and kissed her forehead softly. “Love you O.”

“Love you too Bell. Take care of her.” Octavia replied and left him alone going to join the party and probably tell their friends what was happening with Clarke. Bellamy turned the main light off and stood over Clarke, making sure to tuck her in.

The last thing Clarke thought she felt was a pair of lips kiss her temple softly before darkness over came her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so sorry for the delay! As you know I've been on holiday so I haven't been able to update. In fact, I'm still on holiday but I wanted to update for you guys. Enjoy!

When Clarke woke up the first thing she noticed was the light piercing through the blinds and into her eyes. She groaned as she tried to get up but the weight in her head was horrendous. She’d never felt so ill in her life. Her mouth was dry, and she could taste a hint of sick that made her want to be sick. Opening her eyes even more she realised she wasn’t in her room and tried to pin where she was. What the? She thought as floods of memories started flooding through her head. Fuck. The party, arguing, Bellamy, throwing up. Groaning she noticed a glass of water next to her and two aspirin, thankful she chugged the water and threw down the aspirin. 

She shut her eyes and sighed, god she didn’t even want to get up. Walking into the bathroom she looked in the mirror to see her makeup was all gone. Clarke was confused because she definitely did not take it off. She shrugged and made sure her bracelets were still on her wrist and sighed in relief when she realised they was. Thank fuck. Shedding her clothes off she had a shower and got a fresh pair of clothes on from Octavia’s closet. She knew she wouldn’t care. Making sure she had a long sleeve on and her bracelets were on to cover any sign of her cuts. Feeling a bit more refreshed, she heard voices downstairs and decided she had to face it one way or another. 

Walking downstairs the voices got louder and she was met with the sight of Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln. Octavia noticed her first and smiled weakly.

“Hey Clarke, you feel shit too right?” Octavia croaked, and Clarke nodded rubbing her head.

“I’ve never felt so shit.” Clarke tried to speak but it came out more as a whisper and she winced, god alcohol was not good. Bellamy was tidying up the pots, but she noticed him flicker his eyes over to her, but they were gone just as quick.

“You were smashed.” Lincoln laughed, and Octavia elbowed him in the stomach making him groan in pain. Bellamy laughed, and Clarke felt her cheeks redden. Fuck sake. 

“What happened? I don’t remember.” She trailed off and Octavia bit her lip and looked to Bellamy. Bellamy ignored her and carried on cleaning and there was an awkward silence.

Octavia spoke up and grabbed Clarke a plate. “I’m going to go get ready but eat up because you’re looking skinnier nowadays and then we can spend the day together if you want?” She asked, and Clarke didn’t have the energy to argue so she nodded, ignoring her weight comment. Octavia smiled and grabbed Lincoln as they went upstairs. Leaving Bellamy and Clarke.

It was silent for a few minutes before Bellamy grabbed the sausages off the pan and placed them on Clarkes plate. Clarke nodded in appreciation but didn’t move to eat them, she wasn’t hungry. Bellamy leant back against the cupboard and stared at Clarke.

“Did you take the medicine I left you?” He asked, and Clarke was shocked, she realised he’d left her the water and aspirin and she was in his room.

“Yeah, thank you.” She whispered, and he nodded, crossing his arms again.

“I’m sorry about last night.” She whispered softly, looking at him with a pale face and Bellamy sighed and sat down next to her at the table.

“I don’t know how much you remember, but I’m sorry too. I was out of order, it wasn’t fair on you. You’re already going through enough, I didn’t want to make it worse.” Bellamy admits, and she nods and looks down again, pushing the food around on her plate. 

“You not hungry?” Bellamy asks, and she shakes her head, the last thing she wants to do right now is eat. Bellamy sighs and looks at her intently. His gaze is pierce and she feels herself redden under his stare.

“Stop staring at me.” She mumbled, and he coughed and looked at his hands, god this was awkward.

“You going to be in school this week?” He asked, and she rolled her eyes before nodding, obviously she was. It’s not like she had a choice. 

“It’s not like I have a choice.” She muttered to him, still not meeting his eye and he nodded before raising an eyebrow.

“What about your mum? Does she not wonder why you haven’t been at school?” He asked, and she scoffed, yeah right. Her mum couldn’t give a shit.

“She doesn’t care.” Clarke mutters simply before shrugging. Bellamy wanted to press more on the matter, but Octavia and Lincoln walked back out, freshly showered and dressed.

“So, I was thinking we could go bowling with the gang? Murphy text me and wondered if we wanted to go?” Octavia questioned, and Clarke nodded. She felt like shit but maybe spending some time with her friends would help. Octavia smiled at looked at Bellamy to make sure it was ok that she went out.

“It’s fine O. You guys go ahead, but don’t be home late.” He said softly, and Clarke felt actually jealous at their relationship. He cared so much for her and Clarke didn’t have that. She felt Bellamy looking at her and shook her head before standing up with Octavia. 

“Of course, not Bell, I’m a good child remember.” Octavia winked, and he smirked before shaking his head. “Have fun!” He shouted after them and Clarke could feel his eyes on the back of her head as she left.

They arrived at the Bowling centre at around 11am. Clarke still felt like shit and the last thing she wanted to be doing was Bowling but her friends worried about her too much and she couldn’t be bothered with all the questions. She saw Murphy, Harper, Jasper, Monty, Miller and Raven was there waiting for them. They smiled when they noticed her and Octavia.

“Hey guys! Just in time, ready for you to get your arses kicked?” Raven teases and Octavia smirks at her before kissing Lincoln softly. Clarke feels her heart clench at the sight of them, knowing that’s something she will never get. 

“You wish Reyes.” Octavia spits back smirking and Raven laughs before bumping into Murphy. Both their faces go red as they mutter apologies at each other and it almost brings a laugh out of Clarke. God, they were so obvious. She notices Miller trying not to laugh as well and he winks at her as Monty starts talking to him. Lol, when did she realise she was going to be basically the wheel of the group. Of course.

"God, last night was insane!" Miller announced and Jasper nodded in agreement.

"It really was! Even though I can't remember anything." He announced and the others laughed at him, not even surprised.

"Clarke where did you go?" Harper asked and Clarke looked to Octavia with worry on her face, it must have been obvious because Octavia cut in for her.

"Clarke was tired so passed out in my room." Octavia shrugged and she saw Lincoln and Octavia communicating through their eyes but he nodded in agreement and Clarke inwardly sighed with relief.

"Oh, you missed Murphy and Raven making out though!" Monty stated and Clarke turned to look at the two of them in shock. No wonder they was blushing so much! Murphy and Raven blushed again and she could see them glaring at Monty.

"Shut it Monty." Raven warned him and he laughed before zipping his mouth shut with his finger.

“Okay, so we need two teams. So… me, harper, Lincoln, Octavia?” Jasper asks, and they nod. 

“So that means me, Raven, Miller and Monty. But then it’s odd teams because Clarke is left, and we have one more then.” Murphy says looking at them and Clarke feels her heart clench. God, if she didn’t feel humiliated or left out before she sure as hell does now.

“Oh, that’s ok. I can just watch.” She says softly and Murphy frowns. 

“Clarke, no. You can play, it doesn’t matter if it’s odd teams.” He defends her, and she sighs about to argue when she hears a voice.

“O!” They all turn their heads to see Bellamy jogging through the door. Clarke notices he’s gotten dressed since this morning and he has a light layer of swear on his forehead. She’d be lying if she said he didn’t look good because he did. 

“Bell, what are you doing here?” Octavia asked him confusedly. He pants and brings out an inhaler from his pocket.

“You left this at home and I didn’t want to regret not bringing it you.” He handed it at her and she saw Octavia smile softly before kissing his cheek. God, he was a good older brother. Clarke did have to admit, but it didn't make him any less of an arse.

“Thanks Bell.” She said softly before an idea came to her head. “Hey Bell. Why don’t you join us? We have odd teams, so it would make it even and you’re here now so why not?” She asked him, and Clarke felt her heart stop. Please no. Please. 

She could feel his eyes piercing on her as he remained silent and she bit her lip hoping he had something to do or somewhere to go.

“Sure.” Clarke internally groaned whereas the others cheered, fucking great she thought. They all teamed up, but instead Bellamy went on Octavia’s team. 

As the game got going, she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Murphy stood there looking at her with a soft smile.

“You okay?” He asked, and she nodded and put a smile on to hopefully convince him. He sighed in relief and Clarke was sure she wasn’t supposed to hear it but she did and she swallowed. The lump in her throat making her feel guilty. Her friends didn’t deserve all this, they didn’t deserve her being the extra lump that hung out with them. Murphy rubbed her knee in a comforting manner before turning back to the game. She could feel someone’s eyes on her and turned to see Bellamy looking at her, but he turned away before she could even register what just happened.

“Clarke’s go!” Her head snapped to Raven to see her with the ball and she stood up taking the ball off Raven. Here goes nothing, she threw the ball and it rolled straight into the gutter and Clarke felt her cheeks redden. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but Clarke just felt so embarrassed, god.

“What was that?!” She turned to see Bellamy stifling a laugh and she felt her eyes water. God, way to make someone feel shit. Clarke swallowed and sat back down as the game continued. 

She’d gotten over her embarrassment and as the game went on she started to do better. Bellamy had stopped commenting, probably since Octavia had elbowed him in the stomach erupting a squeal out of Bellamy which had Jasper on the floor dying of laughter for 5 minutes. Even Clarke had managed to laugh a little, it was one of the better days.

It all went south when the door’s opened and Abby Griffin stormed in. “Clarke!” She shouted and stormed over to where they were. Clarke could tell now she was drunk, meaning she’d driven over here drunk. She felt her face go pale as she realised what was happening, she needed to get out now. Abby walked straight up to them and looked around before stopping at Clarke.

“Where the hell have you been?” Abby spat, and she could see the game had stopped now and everyone was facing her.

“I stayed over at Octavia’s last night and I’ve just been hanging out with my friends.” Clarke stated, and she saw Abby roll her eyes.

“Good for you. Now, lets go.” She grabbed Clarke’s wrist with all the bracelets on which erupted a whimper out of her mouth before she could stop it.

“Hey, let go. You’re hurting her.” Clarke snapped her head back to see Bellamy stood there with a face of concern. Clarke shook her head for him to drop it.

“I’m sorry. Who are you?” Abby spat, looking him up and down in disgust. Bellamy stood taller and walked closer to Abby and Clarke. Clarke could see all her friends in the back with worried faces on them. 

“Bellamy Blake. Octavia’s brother and the school counsellor at Clarkes school.” He didn’t even bother sticking his hand out to Abby. Clarke silently prayed for Bellamy to back off, so she could get out of here before anything happened.

“Who cares, now c’mon Clarke we are going home. You’re disgusting, and I doubt your friends even want you here, especially dressed like that. Stop being so pathetic and get your fat arse out to the car before anyone else dies because of you.” Clarke felt her eyes water and could hear her friends gasp. She couldn’t bare to look at them though and let Abby drag her out. 

“Clarke don’t get in the car. She’s had a drink. It’s not safe!” Raven shouted out to her, but she didn’t have a choice. She just wanted to get home before her mum said anything else. Once she was in the car her mum slapped her hard and she felt tears fall down her face and as they drove out the car park she missed Bellamy Blake standing there with his face shocked, witnessing what had just happened.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a lot of you commented and it gave me more motivation to post this so enjoy! Warning- there is a lot of angst in this so prepare yourself. Also warning for mention's of drugs and violence.

After what had happened on Sunday Clarke hadn’t left her room. She didn’t eat, drink or anything. Her mood was at an all time low and she didn’t want to see anyone. Her mum had gone out the night of the incident and hadn’t returned since, that was 4 days ago, and it was now Thursday. She had heard the knocks on her door and seen the texts and missed calls off her friends, but she honestly didn’t care. The cuts had increased a massive amount and now covered both arms and her thighs. Clarke didn’t care anymore, she didn’t see the point. 

It was currently around 6pm and she heard knocking on the door and groaned.

“Clarke! I’m not leaving until you answer.” She heard Octavia’s voice boom through the door and she put her pillow over her head, maybe Octavia would get tired and leave but who was she kidding? It was Octavia for fucks sake.

Groaning she pulled back the covers and stood up, going light headed from eating nothing. She slipped a jumper on and walked downstairs as the knocking got louder. Fuck off she screamed internally. Pulling back the door she opened it to see Octavia and…. Bellamy? What was he doing here?

Octavia looked at her and she saw sympathy flood her eyes and Clarke just wanted to shut the door in their faces.

“Clarke. God, I’m so glad you’re ok.” Octavia sighed in relief and hugged her, and Clarke winced at the pain. She wasn’t stupid. She knew she’d lost some weight but thank god she had the jumper on to hide the fact. She finally made eye contact with Bellamy and he was looking at her seriously, his eyes trained on her. Snapping out of it she pulled back from Octavia and pulled down her sleeves more.

“I’m fine O.” Her voice croaked from not speaking in almost 5 days. She could see Octavia look at Bellamy and then back to Clarke.

“Clarke. We’re so worried about you. We want to help.” Clarke rolled her eyes and ran her hand through her hair. 

“I’m fine! I’ve just been not well.” She shrugged, not even acting as if she was lying. She could see Bellamy looking her up and down and biting his lip and she glared at him.

“Take a picture it lasts longer.” She spat at him and she saw Octavia open her mouth in surprise looking at the two of them.

“Clarke. Can we come in?” Octavia asked, and she shrugged and walked to the couch sitting down as Bellamy and Octavia followed her, sitting opposite her and staring intently at her. God, she felt so small right now.

“Clarke, Bell told me about what he saw in the car park and I’m so sorry. That’s not ok. None of this.” Clarke groaned, of fucking course he did. God, she didn’t need their pity.

“I don’t need your pity. What do you want?” Octavia looked taken back at her words and attitude and she saw Bellamy put his arm on her back to comfort her. Clarke rolled her eyes, they were the ones that forced her out of bed.

“Clarke, we are just trying to help.” Bellamy stated, and she laughed humourlessly. 

“Help? It’s more like an interrogation if you ask me.” Clarke shrugged and crossed her legs putting her hands in the middle of them. Bellamy was watching her every move and she felt pressured and cornered. God, she just wanted them to go.

“We think you need to go to the doctors.” Octavia blurted out and Clarke looked shocked before it left her face and she raised an eyebrow at Octavia.

“Excuse me?” She asked in disbelief and she saw Octavia bite her lip and look to Bellamy for help. Of fucking course, he would have some say in this.

“They might be able to help, give you some antidepressants- “ 

“Get out.” Clarke spat, and they looked at her in shock, Bellamy’s look was more of a deep stare. 

“Clarke- “Octavia started but Clarke didn’t want to hear any of this. She couldn’t. She wasn’t stupid, she knew she was depressed but having her best friend and her enemy/school counsellor/best friends big brother admit it to her and say it loud made it all to real and she didn’t want this. Not yet.

“I said, get the fuck out of my house.” She shouted, and she could see Octavia’s eyes water and she felt guilt rise in her gut. Octavia never cried, and the only time Clarke had seen her cry was when her mum died. Octavia nodded and stood before fleeing the house quickly and Clarke looked down.

“You don’t have to speak to her like that Clarke. She’s just trying to help you, she’s worried.” Bellamy said sternly because at the end of the day she was his sister and anyone who made her cry would have to deal with him. “We all are.” He added, and she scoffed and stood up to match him. 

“Help me? I’m fucking fine! Sure, my dad is dead, and my mum is blaming me for his death but apart from that my life is fucking dandy.” She shouted laughing with no emotion, she looked crazy. Bellamy just stood watching her.

“Clarke, you can fool everyone else however much you want. But you won’t fool me. I know you’re hurting inside and I know this is just a defence mechanism. You need help Clarke.” Bellamy stated, and Clarke felt the anger bubbling inside of her. How dare he act like he cared? How dare he.

“Fuck you Bellamy.” Bellamy’s mouth dropped open because he certainly was not expecting that. Clarke shook her head.

“No seriously, fuck you. How dare you come into MY house and start saying I need help and trying to diagnose me. You know fucking nothing, you hear me? Nothing! We don’t even like each other, I only spoke to you, so I didn’t have to be in class. You don’t give a fuck about me or my life. I bet you’re only here because Octavia dragged you here. Just stop getting involved in my fucking business.” Clarke shouted, and a deadly silence filled the room and Bellamy nodded.

“Fine, you’re on your own. I won’t bother you from now on. Be a mess, see if I care.” Bellamy spat harshly before fleeing and slamming the door and Clarke sunk to the ground and sobbed, god when did her life get this bad? She was a shit friend and all she did was push people away, the people who cared. Bellamy’s words hurt her, and she felt herself sobbing as she thought about his last words ‘Be a mess, see if I care’ she didn’t know why but they made her sob even more and that’s how she fell asleep, sobbing and lying on the floor.

The next morning Clarke knew she couldn’t avoid school forever, so she got ready, well by ready she meant in jeans and a large hoodie. Her fresh cuts from last night were rubbing against her sleeve and she winced as she bandaged them up.

When she arrived at school it was busy, and everyone was there, no one noticed her as she walked to her locker. She saw Octavia at her own locker and made eye contact with her before she shut her locker and walked off away from Clarke. Clarke gulped and swallowed the tears that threatened to spill. Stop it Clarke, you did this yourself she thought and put her books in her locker. She felt a presence and turned to see Raven and Harper standing there.

“Hey.” She said to them as nothing was wrong and Raven scoffed.

“Hey? What the fuck Clarke? We have been worried sick about you and that’s all you have to say?” Raven raised her voice and Clarke could see a few people looking over at them.

“I…” Clarke didn’t know what to say and she could see Harper look down whilst Raven crossed her arms.

“Octavia rang me crying her eyes out last night because of you. I get you’re hurting and everything but Clarke, she was only trying to help, and this is how you treat her? Treat us?” Raven asked in disbelief and Clarke felt like shit. God, she was an awful person. Raven shook her head threw her arms up when Clarke said nothing.

“Forget it, let’s go Harper.” Raven stated and walked off. Harper looked at her and shook her head before walking off with her and Clarke felt tears fill her eyes before she wiped them and headed to class.

By the time dinner had come around she just wanted to go home. Everyone was avoiding her and the only one who had spoken to her was Jasper and that’s only because they were lab partners. Nothing sounded better than going to bed and sleeping away the day, or the year for all she cared. 

She headed into the canteen and saw all her friends sat round the table, laughing and joking and she couldn’t help but notice how happy they all looked without her there. They didn’t have to worry about saying anything wrong or worry about her in general. The sight put an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. She realised she couldn’t go and sit with them. Not when they looked so happy?

Fleeing the canteen, she needed to get out there and walked out of the front of the school. Finally, it was like she could breathe again. She walked around the corner and stopped when she saw Finn Collins and his friends. They were older than Clarke, they were around 29 and they always hung out there and Clarke wasn’t stupid. She knew they did drugs and all that and she knew people at her school picked up from them… a lot.

Finn looked over at her and smirked at her. “Hey hottie! C’mere.” He waved his hand and gestured her over and she gulped but walked over anyway. 

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” He asked with a raised eyebrow and she shrugged but didn’t say anything and Finn laughed. 

“Oh, not much of a talker eh?” His friends laughed, and he winked at her and she felt a pit form in her stomach but didn’t say anything. His friend whispered something into Finn’s ear and Finn nodded before looking her up and down.

“You want owt?” He asked her, and she creased her eyebrows together before she realised what he meant. She opened her mouth, speechless before he was passing her a small bag. It contained 4 small pills and she gulped, hard.

“I don’t…” She trailed off and he raised an eyebrow looking at her expectedly.

“Don’t? Do drugs? Have the money? Whatever it is, keep them. It’s on the house. See you around, princess.” He whispered the last part into her ear and she felt a shiver run down her spine, but it wasn’t a good one. She stuffed the packet into her pocket and walked off, ignoring the catcall that erupted from one of their mouths. 

Sitting in the cubicle in the toilet she studied the back carefully. She didn’t know what the pills were, but she wanted to know. She’d never done drugs in her life but who cared anymore? No one cared about her so why the fuck not? She placed the pill in her hand before swallowing it down with some water. Closing her eyes, she sat there for 20 minutes and felt the pill kick in. She felt good, she felt high.

Walking out the bathroom she came into contact with Echo and she gulped. Her head was fucked, and this was the last thing she needed right now.

“Where do you think you’re going slut?” Echo spat, and Clarke ignored her, walking past her which was the wrong thing to do. Echo shoved her into the lockers and stood in front of her.

“Oh my god, you’re totally high right now. Wow, your life that bad?” Echo laughed, and Clarke saw people gathering around them. Clarke tried to shove past her, but Echo slammed her back into the lockers, hard which earned a whimper out of Clarke. Echo laughed in her face.

“No one wants you here, so why don’t you just leave. I mean, your dad did a great job at it.” She smirked and started to walk off and Clarke felt anger bubble inside of her and she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

She flung herself at Echo, pushing her to the ground and punched her in the face. She heard gasps erupt and saw a crowd forming round them. Echo ripped Clarke off her and slapped her across the face before punching her in the stomach hard.

More and more people were watching, some trying to stop it and some were cheering them on. Clarke was too high to care and all she knew at that moment was that she wanted Echo to pay.

“You’re a fucking bitch!” She screamed at Echo and pulled her hair and Echo shoved her to the floor. Kicking her in the face and she felt blood trickle down her face. From the floor she could see Octavia and her friends pushing their way to the front and could see Octavia’s shocked face and before she knew what was happening she had pushed herself off the floor and shoved Echo into the locker as she punched her in the face, hard.

Suddenly a shout was heard, and she felt arms grab her and pull her off Echo. 

“Get off me!” She screamed and thrashed herself in the arms around her. She saw her friends faces and they were a mixture of horror, shock, sadness and guilt. Octavia had tears falling down her face and Lincoln was rubbing her shoulder comfortingly and Murphy looked as if he wanted to rip Echo apart. 

“Back to class everyone, now!” She realised that Bellamy was the one holding her, and she thrashed even more. She just wanted to go home. Bellamy eventually put her down and she had no energy left in her to even care as he walked her to his office.

He slammed the door shut once they were inside and Clarke sat on the chair in front of his desk as he ran a hand through his hair.

“What the hell Clarke! What is the matter with you?” He shouted, and she knew then that he was extremely angry, but her head was still spinning, and she could barely see.

“Since when do you get into fights? Look at you! You’re hurt.” He said loudly as he paced his office and she shrugged and looked down and he sat in front of her. It was silent for a couple of moments before Bellamy sighed.

“Let me see what she’s done.” He said softly, and she lifted her head up meeting his eyes and she saw the horror in his eyes and knew then that he knew she was high.

“What the fuck? You’re high!” He stated in horror and she shrugged, she didn’t give a fuck to be completely honest. 

“It’s only one pill.” She muttered out and he shook his head before getting an ice pack from the fridge he had in his room with them in, in case of emergencies. He held it to her nose and she winced at the coldness and pain. It was silent again as she looked at Bellamy. He had bags under his eyes and a bit of stubble on his face, his hair had grown a bit too. 

“Clarke, hand me the rest of the pills.” Bellamy stated, and she sighed before pulling them out and giving him them. She didn’t need them anyway. He put them onto his deck as his other hand held the ice pack to her face still. He grabbed some tissue and dabbed at the blood smeared under her nose and she winced.

“Sorry.” He whispered softly, and she shut her eyes, she didn’t have any energy to even care now. 

“You could have been seriously hurt Clarke. Is this the first fight you’ve been in?” She nodded, and he hummed, acknowledging her answer. “How long has the bullying being going on?” He asked, and she bit her lip, looking down and shrugged and he pulled his hands away from her face, inwardly wincing at the bruise forming on her face.

“It’ll get better, make sure to keep ice on it and apply some cream ok?” He looked at her to make sure she understood, and she nodded before looking down again. He sat down again, in front of her and put his hands on his knees.

“Why’d you get high Clarke?” He asked, and she felt a lump form in her throat, she felt like shit. She felt tears threaten to spill and she breathed in shakily. Bellamy obviously heard it because he put his hand on her knee comfortingly.

“I thought it would take the pain away.” She muttered and that’s when a couple of the tears fell down her face, Bellamy could see them and wiped them softly with his thumb. This erupted more tears to fall down her face freely.

“Please let me help.” He whispered, and the tone of his voice was so soft that she couldn’t help the sob that erupted from her lips. Before she knew it, she was sobbing. 

Tears fell freely down her cheeks and all she could register was two arms wrapping round her and she realised she was sobbing into Bellamy Blake’s neck and she felt herself wrap her arms round his neck.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday! Hope everyone is having a good day. Also, what did everyone think of the latest episode? Octavia and Bellamy KILLED me. I was sobbing at my tv because I thought Octavia was going to die, but she didn't! Also, Clarke's face when she knew Bellamy wasn't dead just showed how much she loves him. Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

It was Thursday night and Bellamy had offered to come over to Clarke’s to speak about everything. At first Clarke was wary that he was only being nice to her because of his job but then she decided it wouldn’t be the worst thing to have company. Especially if it’s him.   
After their hug today, she had left and gone straight home, not wanting to see anyone else after what had happened. Her friends had text her to make sure she was ok, but she hadn’t text them back, she was still hurt at how they were, but she knew that was mainly because of how she had been with them.   
Looking in the mirror she winced at the bruise on the side of her nose/under her eye, she looked awful. Her cheekbones were hollower, and her jawline was more noticeable. Her eyes had no life in them and her hair was thin, in all honestly, she looked a mess. She sighed as the doorbell rang and she opened it to see Bellamy stood there with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey.” He said softly, and she nodded as she opened the door more, so he could enter. She noticed he had glasses on and jeans with a top and jacket, he looked good… not that she was looking or anything. Closing the door behind her she went and stood in the living room.

“Urm, you want a drink or anything?” She asked, and he shook his head. She nodded and took a seat on her couch.

“How’s your face?” He winced at her and she shrugged. “Could have been worse.” She admitted, and he nodded in agreement.

It was silent before Clarke opened her mouth. “How’s Octavia?” She asked quietly, and he nodded. 

“She’s alright, she’s just worried Clarke. You’re her best friend, you mean a lot to her you know?” He questioned, and she nodded because she knew what he meant because Octavia was her best friend. He opened his mouth again. “I’m sorry about what I said. I do care, it’s my job.” Clarke tried to push the disappointment away that she felt at his choice of words before nodding. Silence flooded the room again.

“I don’t need any anti-depressants.” She muttered, and she heard him sigh. 

“Clarke, you need- “She cut him off and shook her head for him to stop.

“I already have them. I got them like after my dad died, when my mum still cared.” She muttered the last bit to herself more than him and he nodded before smiling softly at her.  
“Well, that’s good. Do they work?” He questioned, and she nodded because she just didn’t feel like speaking.

“Clarke, I just want to help. How are you feeling right now?” He leaned forward a bit and Clarke played with her fingers, it was a habit.

“I feel sad, lonely, like I’m not worth it…” She whispered the last one and felt his stare on her as she continued to look down, she didn’t want to look at him right now. It would make her feel pathetic. 

Bellamy cleared his throat as if he was going to say something then changed it last minute. His stare was intense. “Have you been eating Clarke?” He asked, and she gulped before nodding, the last thing she’d ate was an apple and that was because she felt as if she was going to pass out. She looks up to meet Bellamy’s eyes and can tell he doesn’t believe her, but he doesn’t press on it anymore.

“Clarke, please promise me you won’t do drugs again. If another teacher had seen you, you’d have been suspended or worse. I shouldn’t even be keeping it to myself but I’m not one to tell people another person’s business. But please, promise me. Octavia saw you and she asked me if there was something I knew but I didn’t tell her… I didn’t know if you wanted her to know.” Bellamy admitted, and Clarke blew out a sigh of relief. She didn’t want them to know, it was a mistake.

“Thank you… not like they care at the moment anyway.” She muttered, and she heard Bellamy sigh loudly.

“Clarke, why can’t you see everyone wants to help you? They’re worried sick. We all are!” He said loudly, and Clarke just stared at the floor, it was like her mind wasn’t processing anything. Bellamy groaned.

“Has your mum been back yet?” He asked, and she shook her head and he bit his lip.

“Clarke, she- “but Clarke cut him off, she didn’t want to hear anything she already knew.

“I know Bellamy ok? I know she’s not ok and she shouldn’t have hit me or said any of those things, but she did and now I’m the one who’s left here ok? I know.” She croaked the last words out, she refused to cry anymore. It was like she was weak. Bellamy was about to speak again before the doorbell rang and Clarke’s head shot up.

Bellamy frowned and looked over to Clarke and she shrugged. She had no idea who it was. Standing up she went to the door and opened it up to see Murphy standing there. Clarke was shocked, she wasn’t expecting him to be here. He looked pissed.

“Murphy?” She asked, displaying her confusion and he nodded at her. Still no emotion on his face except anger.

“What the hell was that today Clarke?” He asked, not letting her say anymore. Clarke opened her mouth, but Murphy carried on.

“Since when did you fight? More importantly, since when did you get high.” He put emphasis on the last word and she bit her lip and looked down, shrugging. Murphy scoffed and ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve known you practically all my life Clarke and you’ve never done drugs. Hell, you barely even drank alcohol. Now suddenly you’re getting into fights and doing drugs? I know you’re hurting Clarke, but this isn’t the way to go.” Murphy all but shouted and she nodded, because he was right. It wasn’t like her, but she wasn’t herself anymore.

“I only got into a fight because of what she said Murphy and the drugs? Finn offered me them, so I thought, why not?” Clarke said, without any care and he looked at her and for a second she saw sadness flash in his eyes.

“Finn? As in Finn Collins? He’s dangerous Clarke, you of all people know what after what he did to Raven.” Murphy defended, and she nodded guiltily, because yes, she did remember and if Raven found out she would be pissed.

“I know, I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t.” She admitted, and it was silent again before she felt a presence behind her and saw Bellamy standing there. Murphy looked at him, obviously shocked and looked back at her before raising an eyebrow.

“What? Now you are fucking him too?” Murphy scoffed, and Clarke’s jaw dropped. What the fuck? She could feel anger bubbling inside of her because how dare he. 

“No, she isn’t, don’t be a dick man.” Bellamy warned, and Murphy rolled his eyes at him. He didn’t care who he was right now.

“What the fuck Murphy? What is your problem?” She glared at him and he threw his hands up.

“I hate seeing you like this Clarke. You’re like my sister and it’s killing me inside knowing that you’re not ok. I want to help you, but I can’t… I don’t want you to die.” He whispered the last bit before silence flooded over the three of them. 

Clarke felt bad, she could see the pain behind Murphy’s eyes. It was kind of how Bellamy had looked at her before. Clarke gulped, she didn’t know what to say.

“Look, we’re all going out later for some food. We’d really like it if you could come. I’ll text you the details ok?” He asked her, and Clarke hesitated but nodded softly. She saw a ghost of a smile grace Murphy’s lips before he nodded.

“Bye Clarke… Bellamy.” He muttered Bellamy’s name and left. Leaving Clarke and Bellamy stood in silence.

“You okay?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke nodded because, she had to be. She turned around and faced him.

“I’m okay. I think I’m just going to have a sleep before I go out...” She trailed off and he got the hint nodding. 

“Of course, but Clarke… please don’t ever hesitate to contact me if you need anything.” Bellamy said softly, walking up to her he placed his hand on her arm softly and she could feel his thumb rubbing her arm softly. Goosebumps ran up her arm at the feeling and she gulped before nodding.

“I’m here Clarke.” He finished off, squeezing her arm before bristling past her and closing the door behind him. Clarke felt overwhelmed, she didn’t know what to feel. All she knew is that she needed some sleep before tonight. 

Sighing, she got into bed and shut her eyes trying to get some sleep before she faced them all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! I can't believe the season finale is tomorrow, I'm so nervous! BUT OMG THE PICS OF BELLARKE!! I was screaming! Anyways, I hope you all enjoy! Thank you for still supporting me on this story. I love reading all of your comments, they make me smile.

When Clarke woke up from her nap she looked at the time to see she had about 45 minutes before she needed to be there. She just wanted to lie there to be honest, but she knew she had to see them. Sighing she got up and decided to look for something to wear. The weather was warmer nowadays and she knew she would look weird in a long sleeve to, but she didn’t have a choice. She threw on jeans and a hoodie seeing her phone light up with a text.

Meeting at drop ship at 7, don’t be late. – Murphy. Clarke read it before putting her phone in her jeans. It took at least 20 minutes to walk there and seeing as though Clarke didn’t have a car she didn’t really have much of a choice. Clarke put her shoes on and went out.

She arrived at the dropship just after 7 and walked in to see the place was busy. It was a Thursday night, but it still got busy whether it was a week day or not. Clarke walked in and looked around, instantly spotting her friends. They were all in a booth laughing and Clarke swallowed her nerves, it was stupid to be nervous these were her friends! Well, she didn’t know if they were her friends or not anymore, but they’d invited her, so she took that as a good sign. 

Sighing, she walked over and saw they were all already there. Murphy, Octavia, Raven, Monty, Miller, Lincoln, Jasper and Harper. She arrived at the table and they all noticed her.  
“Hey.” She said softly and there was an awkward silence and already Clarke wanted to go home. 

“Hey, sit here. You want a drink?” Murphy asked as he indicated to the seat free next to him. She sat down and shook her head. She didn’t want anything right now. 

The silence fell around the table again before Miller opened his mouth. “So, Clarke, how are you?” He asked, and Clarke could feel everyone’s stares on her.

“I’m okay.” She lied, because it was far from the truth. She could see Octavia look down and she knew she wasn’t buying it. 

“Okay so since no one else is gonna bring it up. I will. What the fuck was that about today?” Raven spoke and Clarke blushed, she was so embarrassed. 

“Honestly, I’d had enough of her shit.” Clarke shrugged and Raven was obviously surprised by her words given by her raised eyebrows. 

“She been saying shit?” Murphy asked, concerned and Clarke nodded. 

“Of fucking course, she has, I wouldn’t have fought her otherwise. I’d had enough, and she deserved it.” Clarke stuck up for herself and it felt good.

“What the fuck Clarke. Why didn’t you tell us?” Raven asked again, and Clarke swallowed and shrugged. She didn’t need her friends worrying about her even more that they had to try and be on the lookout for her in school. It wasn’t fair to them.

“Just didn’t want to be a burden.” Clarke stated, and it was silent again.

“Clarke, you’d never be a burden you know? You’re our friend. We’re supposed to look out for each other.” Harper stated and saw the others nod in agreement and Clarke could see the worry on their faces, god she felt like shit. 

Clarke sighed. “I know, I just didn’t want to worry- “

“Clarke knock it off. You know you’re our best friend so don’t act like we’re not going to worry about you because we are. We’re so fucking worried! Look at you, you’re not as happy anymore. You always find excuses to not hang out with us, you isolate yourself, you’ve lost so much weight. So yeah we are worried but it’s only because we don’t want to lose you!” Octavia stated loudly, and Clarke could feel tears in her eyes, god she was a horrible person. She had the best friends and she was pushing them away. She could see Octavia’s eyes with tears brimming and it made Clarke look down.

“I’m so sorry.” Clarke whispered and looked up as a few tears fell. “I am, I’ve been pushing you away and I’ve been a shit friend and I am sorry.” Octavia was the first to get up and she came around to Clarke’s side as she hugged her tightly and it made a few more tears fall down her cheeks. They really did care.

Somehow, it had ended up with them all hugging her, and it must have looked so weird to the other people in the restaurant. 

“Just please, let us in from now on Clarke. Ok?” Murphy asked with a hand on her shoulder and she nodded because she’d try. 

“Now, who’s hungry?” Jasper smirked and the other’s laughed. Typical Jasper.

 

It was later on in the evening and the gang were all talking, and Clarke was having a good time, she wasn’t feeling sad or lonely but instead she felt included and for the first time she had hope that she’d be ok with her friends. 

As it got later the dropship got less busy. Clarke was speaking with her friends when the door opened and in walked Bellamy Blake. Clarke furrowed her eyes as she saw that he wasn’t alone. He was with a girl with long brown hair and brown eyes. She was dressed in a skirt and top and she had legs for days. Clarke turned her head, hoping he wouldn’t see them and more important her but unfortunately the world hated her.

“What’s Bellamy doing here?” Miller asked, and Clarke looked to see Octavia roll her eyes. 

“He’s here with this girl he’s been seeing. Don’t be fooled by her looks, she’s a total bitch.” Octavia spits out as she leans into Lincoln’s side and Lincoln nods in agreement. Clarke thinks there’s more to that story but now wasn’t the time to press on it.

“Look at those legs.” Murphy whistles and Clarke see’s Raven glare at him before looking down. Clarke sent her a look of sympathy, she guessed they weren’t together yet then still.

“Like I said, don’t be fooled. I don’t know what he even see’s in her.” Octavia shrugs and Clarke looks at Bellamy and the girl again to see they have seen them and were now walking over. Fuck.

“Hey guys, fancy seeing you here.” Bellamy smiled and Clarke kept her head down, this was the last thing she needed. 

“Bell, I said I was going out. I didn’t realise you was doing the same.” Octavia says the last part whilst glaring at the girl. Clarke see’s her smirk at Octavia before grabbing Bellamy’s hand. Clarke swallows the awful feeling in the back of her throat.

“Yeah, we decided to go out for food. Oh guys, this is my girlfriend Roma. Roma these are my sister’s friends.” Bellamy looked at Clarke for a moment and Clarke put on a fake smile, smiling at them both. 

“Nice to meet you. Bell baby, we need to go get our table now.” Roma stated, and Clarke nearly threw up at the term. Who calls him Bell baby? Gross. She met eyes briefly with him and she could see the relief in them, she knew it was because she was out with them all again. 

“Right. See you later guys, see you at home O.” Bellamy said before waving and they went to their table.

“She seems annoying.” Raven stated, and Octavia barked out a laugh. 

“You have noooo idea.” Octavia shook her head and looked at Clarke. Clarke smiled softly at her and Octavia did the same. She knew there was a story behind Octavia’s words, but it wasn’t her place to pry. 

Throughout the rest of the night Clarke couldn’t concentrate. Bellamy and Roma were sat to the left of them and she could hear their laughs and with each laugh her stomach sank. She knew she was being stupid because come on. He worked at her school and he had a girlfriend! She was nothing but his sister’s friend. 

 

It got to around 11pm before everyone decided to call it a night, they still had school tomorrow but at least it was Friday. Everyone hugged her goodbye before it was just her and Murphy.

“I’m sorry about earlier. About what I said about you and Bellamy. It was way out of order.” Murphy apologised, and she nodded, shrugging.

“It’s okay. Like that would ever ever happen.” She put emphasis on the ever and Murphy laughed.

“Let’s go. I’ll give you a lift home.” Murphy said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and they walked out. Clarke turned her head behind her, longing one last look at Bellamy as she walked out. The awful feeling in her gut as she saw Bellamy stroke Roma’s hand with his thumb, and it was then that it hit her. She was jealous and maybe if she had to do one extra cut that night to stop her from feeling it and to make her feel guilty, then maybe she’d have to do that.

 

The next morning at school had gone by fine. She’d seen Echo and her friends a few times, but they’d stayed out their way. Mainly because she’d been with one of her friends all morning. The glare that Octavia had sent them had been enough to shut them up.

It had got to middle morning and Clarke was in Math when there was a knock at the door with a sheepish looking Bellamy stood there.

“Sorry to bother you, can I borrow Clarke Griffin please?” Clarke gulped as she looked at him and sighed as she got her things and followed him out the door. They walked back to his office in silence and she sat down as he shut the door.

“So, Clarke. How are you feeling today?” He asked, and she nodded as she played with her hands. God, he looked good in his jeans and jumper she thought as she stared at him. 

“I’m okay.” Clarke stated in a bit of a blunt manner. He nodded and wrote some things down before putting his pen down and clasped his hands together.

“Did you have a good night last night? You seemed like you were enjoying yourself.” He smiled, and she nodded because she was, apart from him and Roma. The thought entered her mind and she opened her mouth before she could stop herself.

“Did you have a good night?” Clarke said with a bit of harshness on her tone, Bellamy didn’t notice it though. He smiled instead, and she pushed down the nausea that she felt.

“I did. But we’re here to talk about you. Have you eaten anything today?” Clarke shook her head before realising and sighed, fuck sake Clarke.

“I’ll ask O if you’ve eaten at dinner so make sure you do.” Clarke scoffed, and Bellamy raised his eyebrow.

“What?” He asked oblivious and she ran her tongue along her gums to try keep her mouth shut but it didn’t work.

“Nothing just didn’t realise I needed a fucking babysitter.” She spat, and Bellamy sighed.

“Clarke, that’s not what I meant. I just wanted to make sure you ate.” He said, and she shrugged and looked down.

“I will eat at lunch.” She said quietly. and he nodded at her, looking for a bit longer.

“Good, you don’t need to lose weight Clarke if that’s why you’re doing this.” Bellamy stated, and she blushed as her hair fell in front of her face a bit. God, he was so charming. Stop Clarke! You can’t do this. 

“I’m going to go to lunch, thanks Bellamy.” She smiled softly, and he nodded as she left the room, hearing the sigh that left his mouth.

 

When in the canteen she saw the only one waiting at the table was Octavia. She smiled when she saw Clarke.

“Hey Clarke! I got you some lunch, here you go.” She pushed a plate of lasagne over to Clarke and she gulped before faking a smile, she just wasn’t hungry, and she wished people would understand that.

“Hey, Lincoln is out of town this weekend, so I was thinking we could have a girl’s night tomorrow night? Just the two of us? I miss spending time with you.” She pouted, and Clarke smiled softly.

“Of course, O. I’ll be there.” She smiled, and Octavia squealed before all their friends came and joined them.

Clarke was excited to spend the night at Octavia’s don’t get her wrong, but it meant she’d be in the same house as Bellamy and well… given her recent feelings and discovery for Bellamy it was something she knew she’d have to be careful of. She just hoped the night would go fine.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god guys, that finale!!! I was so stressed throughout the whole thing but THE ENDING?????? I'm actually heart broken, I was sobbing my eyes out. I know it's not a Thursday but I thought why not. So I hope you enjoy!

That Saturday Clarke was knocking on Octavia’s door. She hadn’t had a good day so far to say the least. Her mum had been home with some guy and had all but kicked her out the house. That was after she screamed and called her names, but she didn’t hit her this time. The guy had just stood there doing fuck all like a fucking coward. So, she’d packed her overnight bag and had gone to Octavia’s. She was 2 hours early, but Octavia wouldn’t mind.

The door opened, and she came face to face with Bellamy. Clarke was surprised, and her facial expressions must have shown it because Bellamy laughed.

“What, did you not know I lived here or something?” He laughed, and she felt her cheeks redden, great start Clarke. Bellamy frowned. “You’re early. Octavia said you wasn’t coming until 5…” He trailed off and she felt stupid. She knew she shouldn’t have come early.

“I’m sorry, I can go.” She started to turn around but froze as Bellamy’s hand grabbed her wrist. She felt the sting of the cuts she had done earlier and ripped her arm away. He seemed startled but brought his arm back to his side.

“No, it’s fine. Octavia isn’t here though, but you’re more than welcome to wait.” Bellamy shrugged, and Clarke could feel herself getting hot. 2 hours alone? With Bellamy?  
“I don’t want to intrude.” Clarke hesitated, and he scoffed.

“Clarke, you’re not intruding at all. Come on, come on in.” He said and opened the door wider and she nodded and followed him inside. 

“Do you fancy a drink?” He asked, and she raised an eyebrow before he cut back in. “Non-alcoholic of course.” He laughed, and she managed a chuckle herself before nodding.  
“Water’s good for me, thanks.” He nodded and brought her a bottle of water. She muttered a thanks as she sat down on the couch and he sat next to her.

“So, you and Octavia are just staying in, tonight right? Because I’m going out with Roma and I won’t be able to keep track of you both. Especially Octavia.” Clarkes face fell at the mention of Roma but quickly recovered, great. 

“No, we’re just staying in.” She shrugged, and he nodded with a smile on his face.

“Awesome. What did you think of Roma, by the way?” Clarke was shocked. Why did he care what she thought about his girlfriend?

“Urm, she seems nice? I don’t know.” Clarke stuttered, and he sighed.

“Octavia doesn’t like her at all, but I don’t know why, I’ve been trying to figure it out, but I just can’t understand. Did she say anything to you?” He pondered, and Clarke was not the one to get in the middle of things so shook her head. Bellamy nodded, and silence fell upon them both.

“Do you want to watch a film?” He asked, and Clarke swallowed her smile, instead she nodded, and he put on The Greatest Showman. Clarke smirked at him and he looked at her innocently.

“What? It’s a good film.” He defended himself and she smiled softly to herself as he put it on.

Two hours later the door burst open as Octavia strolled in with some shopping bags. She stopped when she saw Clarke and Bellamy sat on the couch laughing. 

“What’s going on?” She raised an eyebrow and Clarke coughed as she moved back slowly. Bellamy ran a hand through his hair.

“Oh hey O. Clarke got here about two hours ago, so we watched a film and were just talking. I wasn’t going to make her go home.” He rolled his eyes as he kissed his sister on the cheek before looking at the amount of shopping bags she had and shook his head.

“You really need all this?” He asked, and she scoffed and looked at him unbelievably. 

“Urm, yes?” She said as if it was a question that he shouldn’t have even asked. He laughed and shook his head.

“Okay, well I’m going to head out soon. You’ll be okay alone, wont you?” He asked looking between Clarke and Octavia and Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Yes, of course. We’ll be fine!” Octavia huffed, and he nodded before leaving to go shower. Octavia smiled at Clarke.

“He wasn’t a dick, was he? I know how he can get.” Octavia rolled her eyes and Clarke swore she spent half of her life rolling her eyes. 

“No, he was fine. It was fine.” Clarke resisted the urge to smile and she nodded approvingly. Before rushing into her bags and started to show everything she’d bought. 

Bellamy left them around 7pm and Octavia had a devious smirk on her face. Clarke had a bad feeling about the expression.

“What?” She drowned out and Octavia stood up before rushing to the fridge and opening it before pulling out a bottle of gin. Clarke should have guessed, Octavia loved gin. It was her favourite alcoholic beverage.

“Octavia, if Bellamy finds out we will be in so much shit.” Clarke sounded unsure and Octavia rolled her eyes. Yep, she definitely did that at least 50 times a day.

“Come on Clarke. He won’t even notice if we go bed before he comes home! He’s out with Roma anyway so who knows when he’ll be back. Please?” Octavia asked, and Clarke felt her heart drop at Roma’s name. She should have guessed he was going out with her, he was just being friendly before because of how she’d been. Fuck it, Clarke thought.

“Fuck it.” She repeated the words out to Octavia and Octavia squealed before opening the bottle and having a chug, passing it to Clarke and Clarke did the same. The burn down her throat stung but it felt good, maybe this would cheer her up.

It was 9pm and Clarke was drunk, but Octavia was fucked. She couldn’t stop laughing and rolling about on the floor. Clarke found it funny.

“I just love him so much.” Octavia laughed as she gushed about Lincoln. Honestly, it wasn’t funny but the fact that Octavia thought it was funny is what made Clarke laugh occasionally.

“I know O. You’ve told me about 100 times.” She slurred, and Octavia sat up suddenly.

“But do you think he loves me?” She got serious and Clarke was shocked at the serious face on her. How could she even think he didn’t?

“O, he loves you so much. Trust me.” Octavia smiled widely at the information before chugging down another gulp of gin. The bottle was almost gone, and Clarke had a feeling Octavia would be in bed shortly. A song started playing and before she knew it Octavia was belting her heart out to firework by Katy Perry. Clarke laughed as Octavia stumbled around the floor and tried her best to dance, it was hilarious, and Clarke realised just how amazing she was. 

Suddenly Octavia sat down next to Clarke and held her hand. “Clarke, I just want you to know that I care about you and I am so worried about you. Why won’t you be happy?” She said sadly, and Clarke felt guilt rise in her chest, she didn’t want Octavia to be sad like this.

“I’m okay O, I’m trying.” She said honestly, and Octavia sighed before hugging her.

“I love you Clarke and I just want you to be ok. I don’t want to lose you.” Clarke squeezed her tighter and swallowed.

“You wont O, I swear.” Octavia seemed ok at that and nodded before the front door opened and in walked Bellamy. Fuck.

He looked around, seeing them on the floor before looking at the almost empty gin bottle to the right of them. Before he could say anything, Octavia saw him and squealed.

“Bell!” She stood up, wobbling, and ran over to him and hugged him. He caught her and winced at the smell of alcohol that was coming off her.

“O, how much have you drunk?” He asked as he then looked at Clarke and she bit her lip guiltily. 

“She drank most of the bottle…” She trailed off and Bellamy sighed, he looked a bit angry.

“O, you said I could trust you. You’re not even 18 yet!” He exclaimed, and Octavia pushed him away angrily.

“You’re not my dad Bell. I can drink if I want!” She shouted, and Clarke wanted to leave, it was so awkward, and she felt partially responsible. Bellamy grinded his teeth together and she could see him getting angry.

“No, I’m not your dad but I’m the one who basically raised you. I didn’t expect to come back and see you fucked, did I? Why did you have to drink? You were supposed to be having a quiet night” He emphasised the quiet her, and she rolled her eyes before crossing her arms.

“Well I am Bell. Why do you have to ruin fucking everything?” She shouted and ran off. Bellamy sighed, and Clarke bit her lip, well this was awkward.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let her drink that much.” She stated, and Bellamy scoffed.

“You think?” He spat harshly, and Clarke looked down before he sighed.

“I’m sorry, it’s not your fault. She’s just a pain in the arse sometimes.” Bellamy chuckled, and Clarke nodded because she understood. Bellamy did a lot for Octavia and Octavia appreciated that, she really did but sometimes her personality got the best of her. 

It was silent before Clarke spoke up again. “Did you have a good night?” She asked, she wanted to know. Maybe it had something to do with him being out with Roma, but he didn’t need to know that. He nodded and smiled slightly.

“Yeah, did you?” She nodded, and he smiled approvingly. Clarke stood up and pointed to Octavia’s bedroom.

“I should go check on her I guess…” Bellamy nodded and coughed into his hand.

“Yeah, make sure she’s okay please.” He stated, and she started walking into Octavia’s room.

“Goodnight Clarke.” Bellamy said softly, and Clarke smiled softly but didn’t turn around. 

“Night Bellamy.” She whispered and walked into Octavia’s room to make sure she was okay. When she got in there Octavia was under the duvet and was flat out. Clarke smiled and put on her pyjamas before getting in bed and shutting her eyes, falling fast to sleep.

 

Clarke awoke at around 3am because her mouth was dry, she needed a drink now. Groaning, she got up making sure not to wake Octavia who was still flat out and quietly walked into the kitchen but was shocked when she saw she wasn’t the only awake. Bellamy was leant against the counter drinking a glass of water and was obviously surprised to see her too.

“You thirsty too?” He asked, and she nodded, and he got out a glass before filling it with water and passing it to her. She mumbled a thanks and took a sip, sighing in relief as the water hit her throat.

“How are you sleeping?” He asked quietly and softly, and she melted at his sleepy voice, god it just made him more attractive. 

“Okay, I normally don’t sleep this long so it’s nice to finally be able to get more than 5 hours.” She had no idea why she was saying this but carried on away. “I haven’t slept properly since my dad died really. Always having nightmares and whatnot.” She whispered, and Bellamy looked at her.

“I’m sorry Clarke. I know how hard it has been on you, but it will get better you know?” He reached out and touched her hand with his. Clarke felt herself blush at his touch and god, his hands were so soft.

“But when?” She whispered in the smallest voice and Bellamy walked round next to her.

“I know what it feels to feel like it’s never going to get better and everything sucks but it will Clarke. Trust me, just because it’s hard now doesn’t mean it’s going to be hard forever. Okay?” He said, and Clarke blinked back a few tears that threatened to fall. 

“Why are you so nice to me? I always thought you hated me.” She said, and Bellamy sighed, shaking his head.

“I never hated you Clarke, I just didn’t really… know you.” He said honestly, and Clarke looked into his eyes. His eyes were so beautiful and brown, she thought.   
“And now?” She asked hopefully.

Their eyes connected, and a silence fell through the room. Her eyes flickered to his lips and back to his eyes. 

Before she knew it, Bellamy had slowly leant forward and his lips were on hers. She was frozen, and It was if she couldn’t move. Bellamy was kissing her… BELLAMY WAS KISSING HER. What the fuck? Slowly she reacted and started to kiss him back. His hand came to wrap round her waist and the other cradled her cheek. Clarke’s head was a blur. Their lips moved in sync and Bellamy teased her lips with his tongue as she parted them. Their tongues swirled round each other as they kissed passionately but it came to a stop when Bellamy suddenly pulled back, eyes wide and he shot back about 20 paces. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t. This isn’t right, I have a girlfriend a-and you’re a student… I’m sorry.” He rushed off leaving Clarke stood there. She couldn’t process what had happened but all she knew was that she felt humiliated and she couldn’t help the tears that fell as she stood there alone in the Blakes kitchen.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you are all doing well. Thank you for still supporting this story. I know it's dark and angsty but I enjoy writing it and I hope you all enjoy reading it! Make sure to read the tags for warning's for each episode. Enjoy!

Clarke had rushed home after that, it didn’t matter that it was 3am she didn’t want to stay there, and she especially didn’t want to see him again. She had never felt so humiliated and small in her life. He had kissed her! Not her, him! But it was just another reminder that he only thought of her as a student and the sinking feeling in her stomach was one which she didn’t want to get used to. The way he had regretted it and pulled away suddenly was haunting, it was like she was a child to him. God, it was awful.

 

Currently it was Monday and she was off to school. It was getting closer to summer and she couldn’t wait to finally be free of this hell hole. She reached her locker and saw Finn Collin’s standing there. What did he want? He smirked when he noticed her.

“Hey Princess.” She winced at the nickname but didn’t show it. She nodded a hello as she put her books into her locker.

“What do you want?” She asked, and he shrugged, leaning against the locker next to her. God, he was so in love with himself.

“Just seeing if you needed anything.” He hinted, and she swallowed, she knew exactly what he meant. She shook her head and looked at him briefly.

“No thanks. I don’t want anything.” She stated, making sure he understood, and he frowned as if that wasn’t the answer he was expecting. 

“I don’t think you heard me Princess. What do you want?” He said in a sterner tone and she opened her mouth to reply when a voice interrupted her.

“What’s going on here? Collins are you bothering her?” She turned to see Bellamy stood there with a stern facial expression and his arms crossed. He wasn’t making eye contact with her though.

“Nah Sir, was just wishing her a good day.” He smirked at her as he walked off and Clarke sighed in relief, thank fuck. She forgot Bellamy was still stood there. 

“Clarke how are you?” He asked in a hushed tone and she shrugged before shutting her locker. She heard him sigh and start to speak but Clarke really didn’t want to hear his excuses or rejection, so she cut in before he could say anything.

“Bellamy just leave it. It was a mistake, you regret it. I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry.” She said sarcastically and walked off because he really was testing her limits. 

It was dinner and they were all sat down in the canteen. Clarke was having a conversation with Harper about something they saw online, and she was actually eating today. She only had a salad, but it was something. She could see the others had small smiles on their faces at the fact that she was sat eating with them and it made her stomach feel full, a good full. Suddenly Raven rushed over and was smiling widely.

“What’s got you so smiley? Murphy finally fucked you?” Jasper smirked before an Ow echoed out of his mouth where Raven had slapped his head to shut him up. Clarke could see Murphy smirking too.

“Shut it Jasper. Anyways, you know how we have a long weekend this week? Well, my auntie said we could go up to her beach house on the coast for the 5 days!” She squealed and suddenly everyone started to buzz. They’d been once before a few years ago and It was one of the best weekends of her life. 

“Awesome! We’ll be there!” Lincoln stated, and the rest agreed before they turned to Clarke noticing she hadn’t said anything.

“Clarke?” Raven asked hopefully, and Clarke sighed before nodding.

“Fine.” She huffed but it was worth it to see the smile on her best friend’s faces. 

The rest of the week went by without a hitch. She hadn’t seen Bellamy and he hadn’t asked to speak to her, so she wasn’t complaining. She’d actually had a good week and hadn’t cut in 2 days which was an achievement for her.

 

It was now Friday morning and Octavia was coming to get her soon before they went up to the beach house. It was a 2-hour journey, so they’d arrive there around 10:30am so they’d be able to spend the day doing things. Clarke had no idea what the weather was going to be like but it’s not like she could wear anything but long sleeves really. 

The beep from a car horn pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked out the window to see Octavia waiting for her in the car, Lincoln was with her. Clarke liked Lincoln, he was really good for her. She grabbed her bag with her things in and left the house, making sure to lock the door. Who knew when her mum would be home again, but she didn’t fancy having someone rob her house whilst she was out of town. 

Clarke clambered into the car and Octavia was smiling at her. “Hey Clarke! You excited? I am!” She said excitedly, and Clarke nodded a smile at Octavia because she was. Lincoln greeted her hello and they got on the road. 

The journey wasn’t so bad. Octavia and Lincoln held hands all the way there and Clarke had never felt more like a third wheel, but they were cute, so she didn’t mind. As they pulled up to the house Clarke winded down her window and breathed in the ocean smell. The house still looked the same and was as beautiful as ever. She could see the gang was already there and was unpacking their cars, god you’d think they was moving in for a month.

“Hey guys, you made it!” Raven shouted excitedly as they walked up the path to the house and Raven hugged them as they neared her, that was weird. Raven rarely hugged anyone.

“You okay Raven?” Octavia noticed the weirdness too and Raven nodded and walked off. Clarke shot Octavia a look of what the fuck, but they shrugged and followed her in.

“So, the room situation. There are 8 rooms, so I was thinking; Lincoln and Octavia in one, Monty and Miller, Harper and Jasper and then me, Clarke and Murphy each get our own room.” Raven stated, and the others nodded in agreement. 

“Wait that’s only 7 rooms and you said there was 8?” Monty asked, and Raven nodded.

“Oh yeah! Bellamy is coming down with his girlfriend. Octavia asked if they could and I didn’t mind, and I knew you guys wouldn’t either so why not!” She said, and Clarke froze. No, please no. Bellamy was coming to join them, and he was bringing Roma? Clarke couldn’t think of anything worse, why couldn’t she have just made an excuse up to not come instead. Fuck my life she thought. 

“I don’t mind my brother coming but I wasn’t happy about that bitch coming at all, it was the last thing I wanted but Bellamy insisted she came to get to know us all better but what can I do.” Octavia shrugged and ate an apple. 

“They’re not joining us until later anyway. So, I thought we could unpack and then go to the beach!” Raven exclaimed, and the others nodded before everyone was scurrying to their rooms. Clarke had to the room on the top floor and of fucking course Bellamy and Roma had the only other one on the top floor, at least they weren’t there yet though. 

Clarke started to panic when she realised they were heading to the beach. She couldn’t exactly wear a swimsuit because of her cuts and plus she didn’t want to look bigger than the other girls. Maybe she could get away with shorts and a long sleeve mesh top? Well, it would have to do. She unpacked her bag and then put on the clothing before walking downstairs.

“Aren’t you going to be hot in that Clarke?” Raven raised an eyebrow and Clarke shook her head no. Raven let it drop and shrugged before they all walked down the steps to the beach. 

“You okay?” She turned to see Murphy walking by her side and she smiled softly at him.

“I’m ok.” He nodded his head approvingly and smiled back before putting an arm around her shoulders as they continued walking. Clarke was glad she had Murphy, to everyone else he was a right dick and tried to avoid him but the Murphy that was their best friend wasn’t the same Murphy as everyone else knew. He was like her brother and he always knew what the right thing was to say. 

It wasn’t too hot to which Clarke was grateful for because the last thing she needed was to start sweating in her outfit. 

“How come you left early on Sunday?” Octavia asked as she sat down by her. Clarke had hoped Octavia was going to forget it, but it was Octavia after all. Clarke shrugged.

“I had to go home early because my mum rang.” Clarke lied, and Octavia seemed not to believe her but let it drop anyway which had Clarke sighing in relief because thank god. 

“I was so unwell. My head was awful, and I was being sick all morning. I’m not drinking that much again. Bellamy was fuming at me as well, but I couldn’t remember what I had even done! We made up though so it’s all good. He was acting weird though.” Octavia said as she flicked through a magazine and Clarke bit her lip. 

“Yeah, you were really drunk. You were both shouting at each other.” Octavia winced and looked at Clarke.

“Sorry you had to see that, I can’t hold my tongue when I’m sober never mind when I’m drunk.” Clarke laughed at that which initiated a smile on Octavia’s face. Suddenly Lincoln had picked Octavia up and was carrying her into the ocean whilst Octavia was screaming, and Clarke smiled at them both, god they were so in love.

 

It was around 5pm and the gang had decided to head back to the house, so they could eat. They’d decided to just order some food for tonight and have a night in playing games and gossiping. As they arrived at the house Clarke saw a car parked there and Bellamy and Roma got out. Fuck my life, Clarke thought. 

“Bell!” Octavia smiled as she hugged her brother, completely ignoring Roma and Clarke had to stifle a laugh. God, she loved her best friend.

“Hey guys. Thanks for allowing us to come Raven.” Bellamy smiled as he greeted them, and Clarke moved closer to Murphy because she was pretty sure she was going to pass out just from the smile he had given them. His smile was beautiful, he was beautiful, and Clarke felt her legs turn to jelly. 

“No problem! Now you guys are on the top floor with Clarke.” Clarke groaned and looked down, she couldn’t bare to see Bellamy’s reaction. 

“I thought we had our own floor.” Roma pouted, and Clarke felt even more shit, she had ruined it for them already. It wasn’t like Clarke wanted to be on the floor with them either but what could she do. 

“It’s fine, that’s no problem at all.” Bellamy sent a look to Roma who pouted but didn’t say anything else. 

“Clarke, you ok to show them to their room?” Raven asked, and Clarke nodded but avoided eye contact at all time. Murphy had a confused look on his face and she knew he could see what she was doing.

Clarke started walking as the others went to shower and change and Bellamy and Roma followed her. As they walked up the stairs it was silent except for Roma’s giggles and Clarke wanted to throw up, this was awful. When they finally, thank fuck, arrived at the top Clarke pointed to their room but still avoided their eyes.

“Thanks Clarke.” Bellamy said, and Clarke nodded before scurrying into her room, missing the frown on Bellamy’s face as he looked after her before Roma dragged him into their room.

 

After showering, she changed into some comfy pyjamas and made her way downstairs but was stopped by Murphy.

“What’s going on Clarke?” He asked, and Clarke acted as if she had no idea what he was on about.

“What?” She asked back, faking confusion and he groaned.

“You’re being off with Bellamy, I can see it.” He stated, and she shrugged and walked past him.

“No idea what you are talking about.” She said as she continued to walk down and into the living room with Murphy following her. 

“Finally, you guys are here! We’ve ordered pizza, but we thought we’d play a game of never have I ever!” Raven said excitedly, and Clarke wanted to just go back upstairs and hide, fuck sake.

They all had a glass of Wine, except for the boys who had a beer and they sat around in a circle as they waited for their food to come.  
“Okay so I will start… never have I ever… had a pet.” Harper said and Bellamy, Octavia, Clarke and Murphy all drank.

“Okay, never have I ever cheated on a test.” Monty said, and Murphy smirked before drinking as well as Lincoln and Harper. Octavia swatted Lincoln on the arm, but he just kissed her head and Clarke saw Bellamy smile at them both.

“Never have I ever… had sex.” Raven said and Bellamy, Lincoln, Octavia, Roma, Harper, Miller and Jasper all drank. 

“I did not need to know that.” Bellamy fake gagged as his sister rolled her eyes and gave him the middle finger. 

“I should not be playing this with you.” Octavia said in disgust as Bellamy stuck his tongue out at her which made Octavia roll her eyes but she smiled softly. Clarke felt awkward, she hadn’t done anything really and had only taken one sip so far.

“Wait, can you say something even if you have done it?” Jasper asked, and Raven nodded. “Okay, never have I ever had oral sex.” Jasper stated but drank anyway. Octavia quickly drank out of Bellamy’s sight along with everyone in the room except Clarke. Clarke felt herself blush and she felt embarrassed. 

“Never Clarke?” Roma asked shocked and Clarke bit her lip. “You’re missing out, open up those legs girl.” She laughed as Octavia glared at the girl. 

“So, what if she hasn’t? Not all of us are whores” Octavia challenged but Bellamy shot her a glare which shut her up quickly. Clarke took a breath and played with her fingers as she looked down, she knew this was a bad idea.

“Excuse me?” Roma asked as if she was challenging Octavia and Clarke could see Octavia start to stand but Lincoln pulled her down and Bellamy whispered something in her ear which shut her up. Clarke could feel her cheeks redden even more and looked down. 

“Never have I ever… kissed someone in this room.” Everyone drank to that, including Clarke which she forgot she was doing before it was too late.

“Clarke! Since when had you kissed someone? And especially someone in this room?” Raven asked shocked. Fuck, they knew Clarke had never kissed someone and now it was about to go tits up. All her friends were looking at her in shock.

“I…” Clarke stammered not knowing what to say. She could see Bellamy looking frantic too and biting his lip and Clarke quickly made eye contact with him looking for something to say but she stammered more as words struggled to leave her lips. 

“It was me, I kissed her a while back, but I told her not to say anything because it was gross, and it was like kissing my sister.” Murphy laughed, and the others laughed. Clarke shot him a grateful look, but she knew she’d have to explain it to him later. She could see Roma whisper something in Bellamy’s ear to which he smirked, and Clarke suddenly felt sick.  
She stood up and saw Bellamy send her a concerned look, he looked as if he wanted to say something to her and was ignoring Roma’s whispers in his ear or was at least trying too.

“I’m going to head up to my room. I’m not feeling too well.” Clarke stated, and the others protested but she walked off to her room anyway. Tears started to fall, and she kicked the wall, she was being pathetic. She had no right to be crying but she was just so fed up and now Bellamy knew that he was her first kiss, god why did her life suck so much.

She walked into her bathroom and got her razor out before she sliced it across her arm, over and over again. Blood started to pour out her cuts and she sobbed on the bathroom floor as the blood fell. She deserved this, she made everyone’s life shit and she was a shit person. No wonder Bellamy regretted kissing her, she didn’t blame him. It was stupid to even get a crush on him in the first place when he had no interest in her whatsoever and had probably just kissed her because he felt sorry for her, she wouldn’t be surprised.

“Oh my god… Clarke?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! This is a bit of a different chapter so I hope you enjoy.

“Oh my god… Clarke?” Clarke heard the awful whisper and she looked up shocked to see Murphy stood there with his eyes wide open.

“Go away.” She sobbed and tried to cover her arm, but Murphy shut the door behind him and came in. He dropped to the floor beside her and grabbed a hold of her hand. He studied the cuts and she could see the pain and shock on his face.

“Clarke, what have you done?” He whispered, and she could hear the pain and horror in his voice and looked at him to see tears in his eyes. Of all the years they’d been friends she’d never seen him cry or at least close to it. Clarke’s stomach was in knot’s and she felt awful, she was responsible for his pain.

“Clarke, what have you done?!” He shouted louder this time grabbing her hand tighter as a few tears fell, and she sobbed more as she shook her head.

“I needed to feel something.” She whispered, and Murphy stood up. This was it. He was going to tell everyone, and no one would want to be friends with her anymore. “Just leave me alone.” She sobbed as her cuts continued to bleed, more and more blood was pouring out. Murphy left the bathroom but to Clarke’s shock he came back in with a first aid kit. He bent down beside her and slowly started to clean her cuts.

It was silent apart from Clarke’s cries and Murphy’s comforting “Ssh, it’s okay” every so often. Finally, her cuts were cleaned and bandaged, and Murphy pulled her into the bedroom where they both sat on the bed.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke whispered looking down and he looked over, his eyes flicking to her wrists before back to her face. 

“Clarke, how long?” He asked, and she shrugged and played with her fingers. He spoke the words again with more force and she gulped.

“Since my dad died.” She whispered softly, and she heard his intake of breath and he grabbed her hand tightly.

“Why would you do this to yourself?” He asked, and she looked at him with pain in her eyes. His eyes were pained, and his face was sad, and she felt awful.

“It makes me feel something… I’m always so numb.” Clarke strained, and he brought her in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her softly and she hugged him back as a few tears fell, he really was the best friend she could ever ask for.

He pulled back and he grabbed her hands looking directly into her eyes. “Please promise me you will never do this again. Please.” He asked, and she gulped before nodding. She’d try, that’s all he could ask from her.

“You can’t tell anyone. Please.” She begged, and he sighed and stood up.

“Clarke-“He started but she shook her head.

“Please!” She stated more sternly and more begging this time and he sighed but nodded.

“Fine but no more. Or I will.” He warned, and she gulped and nodded.

“So… what’s going on with Bellamy?” He asked, and she opened her mouth before there was a knock at the door. She pulled her jumper down to cover her bandages and she nodded to Murphy where he opened the door to come face to face with Bellamy

He looked at Murphy before seeing Clarke sat on the bed behind him and he coughed. “Hey, can I speak to Clarke?” He asked, and Clarke gulped. Murphy looked to Clarke and then looked back to Bellamy.

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea.” Murphy shrugged, and Clarke looked down, she really didn’t want to speak to him right now. Bellamy nodded and looked to Clarke to see she wasn’t going to let him in, so he swallowed.

“Okay, well… night I guess.” It was more to Clarke and he left before Murphy sighed and turned around.

“I’m going to head to bed too but don’t think our conversation is over.” He smirked, and she rolled her eyes before nodding. He kissed her forehead softly and left the room. Clarke sighed and got into bed, what a night. She knew Murphy wouldn’t tell anyone, but she couldn’t let him catch her again. God, seeing the pain on his face was awful she didn’t want to have to cause any of her other friends that much pain. She shut her eyes and was out in a minute.

 

The next morning Clarke made her way downstairs to see everyone was already at the beach. She had had a bit of lie in this morning because she was drained. She was wearing shorts and jumper and waltzed into the kitchen but stopped when she saw Bellamy sitting there. He noticed her and stood up suddenly.

“Clarke.” He said, and she swallowed and turned around before he called her name again. “Clarke, please.” He pleaded, and she sighed before turning around.  
“Hey.” She said softly and sat on the barstool opposite to where he was stood.

“How are you today?” He asked, and she shrugged before playing with her fingers. It was silent again before he spoke up.

“Are you ok after last night?” He asked, and she nodded, if it was more to convince herself than him then he didn’t need to know that. He sighed and looked at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

“I really am sorry about the whole never have I ever thing. I shouldn’t have let Roma speak to you like that and I did tell her after. It wasn’t nice, and I was a dick for not saying anything.” He stated seriously, and she felt her heart clench at his apology. Why did he always have to be so nice?

“It’s fine. I was just tired.” She shrugged, and Bellamy sighed and shook his head as he walked closer to her.

“It’s not fine. I’m supposed to be helping you but instead I’m making shit worse. I’m so fucking sorry Clarke.” The pain in his voice could be heard and she gulped. He stopped in front of her and she looked up to him.

“Clarke, I really am so sorry. Once we get back to school I’m going to help you ok? It’s my job and I’ve been doing a fucking shit job at the moment.” He scolded himself and she fake gasped.

“Language.” She gasped as she smirked after it and he rolled his eyes and pushed her gently.

“I’m trying to be serious here.” He stated, and she sighed and nodded as she looked up at him.

“I know. It’s okay Bellamy.” She forgave him, and he smiled softly at her before putting his hand on her shoulder and she almost gasped at the contact. 

“I’m also sorry about… that night.” He whispered guiltily, and she nodded and looked away. Of course, he was, it was a mistake and he had a girlfriend plus she was just Clarke.

“Bellamy, it’s fine. Now let’s just enjoy the rest of our weekend ok?” She asked, and he squeezed her shoulder as he smiled widely at her and she resisted the urge to smile at him as they both made their way down to the beach.

The rest of the weekend went along fine. Clarke could tell Murphy was keeping an eye on her and she rolled her eyes at him every time she noticed before he looked away sheepishly. Her friends were always checking she was ok and she her neck now ached from nodding the whole time. Bellamy had been friendlier, and she’d had a really good weekend with him. They’d got along really well, and she often found herself talking to him after everyone had gone to bed as they’d shared stories about Octavia to which Octavia had glared at them both the next day when they asked her about the others story. Roma hadn’t said anything else to her, but she could feel her glares on her back throughout the next three days. 

It was Tuesday now and the first day back after the long weekend. She made her way into Bellamy’s office just before first period and he smiled when he saw her.

“Hey Clarke.” He said, and she nodded at him as she shut the door and sat down on his couch.

“So, how are you today?” He asked, and she shrugged because she wasn’t bad, but she wasn’t feeling the best he nodded and leant forward.

“What’s going through your mind?” He asked, and she pretended to think. He smiled when he saw what she was doing and rolled his eyes at her.

“Nothing really. I just feel ok. Nothing too special.” She shrugged, and he nodded in understanding. 

“I wanted to speak to you about something actually. If that’s ok?” He asked, and she bit her lip in worry and he could sense she was worried.

“When was your mum last home?” He asked, and she tried to think. It had been a good couple of weeks at least.

“A couple of weeks.” She stated, and he sighed.

“Clarke, I don’t think being at home without a guardian is the best idea. Especially whilst you’re still on your anti-depressants and you’re still not well.” He stated, and she sighed.  
“I know ok? But I won’t leave my house. It was my fathers too.” She gulped, and he nodded in understanding.

“I know you’re 18 and that’s fine but I just don’t want you to be alone at times like this.” Clarke rolled her eyes and she pulled her jumper sleeve down more.  
“I’m okay Bellamy. I’m not going to kill myself.” She stated and she didn’t miss the look of fear on his face.

“Clarke. I’m trying to say that maybe it was best if you find someone else’s house to live at for a while? So, you’re not alone and well…” He trailed off and she scoffed.

I do not need a fucking babysitter.” He glared at her swearing before he shook his head.

“That isn’t what I meant. I just don’t want you to feel lonely.” Bellamy stated sternly, and she sighed before nodding.

“Fine, I’ll see if I can stay at a friend’s. Thanks for the concern Bellamy but really, I can manage alone but I will see.” Bellamy knew that was all he was getting so he sighed and nodded in defeat. 

The door opened, and Octavia walked in but stopped when she saw Clarke. She smiled surprised.

“Oh, hey Clarke. Sorry I didn’t know you was busy Bell.” She raised her eyebrow and Clarke looked to see Bellamy with a smile on his face.

“Hey O, I was just speaking to Clarke. What’s up?” He asked, and Octavia shrugged and leant against the doorway.

“Was just checking that we’re still on for tonight?” She asked hopefully, and he smiled softly at his younger sister.

“Of course, O. But I’m choosing what’s for tea.” He smirked, and she rolled her eyes but nodded anyway.

“Fine. If you insist. Clarke, you coming to Maths?” She asked, and Clarke nodded at the girl and stood up as Bellamy did the same.

“Come back anytime you want Clarke.” He stated and there was a hint of a smile on her lips which he didn’t miss.

“Can I come back anytime too?” Octavia teased, and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“Not if it’s during a lesson O.” He stated sternly, and Octavia groaned before grabbing Clarke’s hand and pulling her down the hallway shouting a bye to her brother and Clarke caught the soft smile that was etched onto Bellamy’s face as he sat down. 

The canteen during lunch was loud. Clarke sat at her usual table with all her friends and had a sandwich in front of her. 

“No way. Ariana Grande is a much better singer than Mariah Carey.” Octavia stated, and Clarke agreed. 

“Mariah Carey is a legend!” Harper insisted, and Octavia rolled her eyes at her.

“Look at the end of the day. Eminem is better than them both.” Jasper stated as he and Monty high fived and Clarke laughed at him. 

“What are you laughing at Griffin?” Jasper challenged with a raised eyebrow and smirk on his face and Clarke shrugged.

“Who knows Jordan.” She bit back, and he nodded his head approvingly. 

“Oh look, the weirdo can laugh!” Clarke felt herself stiffen as she turned around to see Echo and her minions stood there smirking at her and she felt her mouth dry.

“The fuck does you want?” Miller asked, and Clarke was shocked at the venom in his voice. Miller wasn’t one to be violent or rude.

Echo rolled her eyes at him and looked at Clarke. “Sources have it that you and Mr Blake are fucking.” She smirked, and Clarke felt herself go white. 

“Says who?” Raven challenged, and Echo shrugged.

“I have inside sources and before you deny it maybe you should realise how much of a whore you really are.” The canteen had fallen silent now and Clarke felt herself swallow tightly. 

“If you want to be calling anyone a whore maybe you should look in the mirror?” Octavia stood up and she Clarke could see Lincoln try to grab her, but Octavia shrugged him off. 

This was not going to end well.

“Maybe it runs in the family huh Octavia? I mean, we all know what a whore your mother was. Throwing herself at guys left right and centre eh?” Echo smirked, and Clarke could see the rage in Octavia’s eyes.

“The fuck did you just say?” She spat, and Echo laughed loudly.

“Maybe I should repeat myself. You’re a whore, just like your mother was and I bet that brother of yours is a right man whore. Especially in bed.” She challenged, and it was that silent you could hear a pin drop.

“I think you need to walk away. For your own sake.” Murphy stated loudly, and Echo rolled her eyes at him.

“Are you sure your mother’s even dead? You sure she isn’t just being fucked somewhere in the opposite side of the country?” Echo laughed and the next thing she knew there was a loud echo throughout the canteen and Octavia had punched her in the face. It was that hard that a crack could be heard, and Echo had been knocked out. Clarke gasped in shock and Octavia had a murderous look on her face and Clarke could see she was about to break. She stood up and grabbed Octavia’s arm as she dragged them to Bellamy’s office. The rest of her friends following.

“Bellamy!” Lincoln shouted as they arrived near his office and Clarke could see Bellamy stand up with concern etched all over his face. 

“What?” He asked before he saw them and stopped. His eyes landed on Octavia’s face as her face was red and angry and Bellamy gulped.

“O?” He asked and that was all it took for Octavia to burst. Tears started falling down her face and Clarke put a hand to her mouth as she watched, her own tears building up in her eyes. Bellamy rushed over to her in a second and was hugging her tightly as she sobbed into his neck.

“What the fuck happened?” He asked loudly, and Clarke explained what had happened. She could see Bellamy’s face retching with anger and he looked as if he was about to march over to Echo and punch her himself when she finished.

“I fucking hate her! All she does is insult me and my friends! I HATE HER!” She screamed the last part and Clarke choked on a sob. This was her fault. She came over to insult her and Octavia was just sticking up for herself. She didn’t deserve this.

“Do not listen to her O. Don’t you fucking dare listen to her. She is completely wrong. You are not a whore. How fucking dares, she.” Bellamy stated sternly as he stroked Octavia’s hair. Clarke had never seen the siblings so angry.

“Bellamy is right Octavia. She’s just a nasty bitch.” Clarke stated, and the others nodded in agreement. Lincoln was looking at Octavia with so much pain and Clarke understood now. She wasn’t the only one with problems and she had to stop acting like it. 

“Why don’t you guys go home? I’ll write you passes. Go get some rest.” Bellamy stated as he sat Octavia down in his chair and Clarke gulped at the sight of her. Her face was red with tears falling down them and her stomach was in knots. She looked so sad.

“Octavia, you going to be ok?” Clarke asked softly, and Octavia looked up at her.

“I was just trying to defend you Clarke.” Clarke nodded guiltily and saw Bellamy look at her, but Clarke shook her head for him to drop it and he nodded.

“I’m sorry Octavia. I’ll see you soon.” She whispered and left, feeling Bellamy’s eyes on her back as she left before he turned his attention back to Octavia.

What a fucking day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Reminder to read the warning's. Also, there is a warning for mild physical and verbal abuse in this warning so if that's something you don't want to read then please skip that. Anyways, thank you all again for the support for this story. It means everything to me and makes me writing the story so much more fun. Please enjoy!

A few days after what happened at school and everything was going ok again. Octavia had apologised to us all for what had happened, but we’d shut her up and told her it wasn’t her fault to which she said she’d felt embarrassed and Clarke knew how she felt so she hugged her instead. Octavia then proceeded to tell us how Bellamy had been so furious he had gone straight to the principal and had got Echo suspended which was a huge relief, especially to Clarke. Octavia had gone away for the weekend with Lincoln and wouldn’t be back until Monday and it was currently Friday.

Murphy had been checking on her a lot, always checking her wrist to make sure there had been no cutting going on. He’d been satisfied to see her arms were clean and she had nodded guiltily because she’d now moved to cutting her thighs instead, but he didn’t need to know that. Clarke hadn’t seen her mum in too long now and she was getting worried. It sounded stupid, but she was still her mum.

She had been to visit Bellamy’s office a lot recently. She’d sit in there throughout her study period’s and they would talk, and he’d check up on her and she’d answer his questions. It was really helping her. Her cheeks would blush when he would smile at her brightly because he was so damn handsome. Clarke’s crush was getting out of hand and she didn’t know how to stop herself from falling.

It was currently 2 months until summer break which meant 2 months until she graduated and even less time until her finals. Whenever she wasn’t with her friends she would study and sometimes she would even study in her sessions with Bellamy when she wasn’t in the mood and he would always understand and do his own thing.

 

Currently Clarke was studying English in her room when suddenly the front door slammed, and footsteps could be heard. 

“Clarke!” Her heart dropped as she heard her mother shout her for the first time in weeks and she gulped and walked out the room and walked downstairs as she came face to face with her mum and a man she didn’t recognise. 

“Mum?” She asked, and her mum met her eyes. Clarke could see they were bleary and she’d been drinking. The man looked soberer than her mum.

“Clarke. This is my boyfriend Marcus Kane. Marcus this is my daughter Clarke.” Abby slurred, and Clarke nodded slightly in his direction to which he raised an eyebrow.

“Not very polite, now are we?” He asked, and Clarke gulped as Abby glared at her.

“Sorry for her, she can be a right bitch.” Abby spat, and Marcus laughed.

“I can see that. You not got a boyfriend love?” He asked as he looked her up and down biting his lip and Clarke felt sick. Abby smirked and walked into the other room before suddenly passing out on the couch leaving Clarke and Marcus alone.

“I should be going.” Clarke said as she started out the door, but he gripped her arm roughly. Clarke was worried, and she felt so scared. His fingers pierced into her skin and she knew there would be marks.

“Now now, why are you going so quick?” He winked and pushed her further against the wall and she felt tears brim in her eyes. She was petrified, all she wanted was to leave the house. She looked to her mum and begged for her to wake up, but she was out cold.

“Please, just let me go. I won’t bother you again.” Clarke said shakily, and he pushed himself up against her as she felt his erection brush against her thigh and she felt sick. Her breathing was becoming shallowed and she needed to get out of here. He attached his lips to her neck and Clarke let the tears fall. Her arms were becoming bruised and she refused to stay here.

“You’re a little whore, aren’t you? You love being fucked by older men, you dirty slut.” He spat into her neck and she felt bile rise in her throat his words. 

As more tears fell and he became more forceful she used all her strength and pushed him away, but it didn’t work and instead he became angrier and she felt his hand connect with her cheek as a sob erupted from her lips as he pulled his zipper down and Clarke knew it was it. 

“Get off!” She screamed, and she suddenly kneed him in the groin and he doubled over, and she took that as her chance to run. She ran out the door and kept on running, not looking back. She sobbed and sobbed but her feet didn’t stop. Before she knew it, she had pulled up to a familiar house and she ran straight to the door knocking on it franticly. The door opened, and she was faced with Bellamy’s smiling face, but it suddenly changed into worry when he took in her state.

“Clarke?” He asked worriedly, and it brought more sobs out of her and the next thing she felt strong arms wrap themselves around her as she sobbed into Bellamy’s chest. He stroked her hair with his other hand as she whispered comforting ‘ssh, it’s ok’ before he brought her inside.

“Clarke, what’s wrong?” He asked softly but she could hear the worry in his voice and it just made her sob more. She tightened her arms around his middle and he rested his chin on top of her head. God, she was a sobbing mess. She felt so disgusting and dirty.

God knows how long they’d been standing there for, but she pulled back once the sobs had subsided and he looked at her face.

“Fuck… Clarke.” He whispered as he wiped her tears and she swallowed hard. His face was full of worry and he was searching her eyes for answer’s.

“I-I’m sorry.” She stammered as she pulled back. She didn’t know why she had come here but it wasn’t appropriate. He shook his head and stroked his thumb over her hand where it still rested softly.

“Don’t be silly, you have nothing to be sorry for. Do you want a shower to freshen up maybe?” He asked, and she nodded, that would help. He coughed and walked into his room before handing her a towel and his sweats to put on after she’d showered. She whispered a thanks and walked into the bathroom as he looked on in concern, what the fuck had happened to her he thought.

She took off her clothes and looked at herself in the mirror as a few tears fell. Her bruises on her arms were a blue and black colour and she felt sick. She needed a release. She looked round the bathroom trying to find something sharp. Finally, her eyes landed upon a razor that was unopened and she bit her lip before grabbing it and opening it up. She used it to make 8 new cuts upon her thigh and more tears fell as she watched the blood run down her leg.

She stepped into the shower and winced as the water hit her cuts making them stung. She grabbed the body wash and scrubbed herself, she needed to get rid of all traces of him. She sobbed as she did it, the memories coming back. Echo was right, she was a whore. She deserved this. Clarke had to put her hand over her mouth, so Bellamy wouldn’t hear her sobs.

 

15 minutes later when Clarke felt cleaner, well as clean as she could feel and was dressed she walked into the living room to see Bellamy sat there with his head in his hands. There were two cups of tea on the table and she headed over to them, picking one up. He noticed her and looked at her, smiling softly when he took in her appearance. She was wearing his sweaters and a big jumper with her hair damp and her face bare of makeup. She looked so soft and innocent. 

She sat down next to Bellamy and it was silent except for the slurps of tea from them both.

“You feel better now?” Bellamy spoke first, and she jumped slightly from the sound of his voice before shrugging and looking down.

Bellamy sighed and put his tea down as he turned to her. “Clarke, what happened?” He asked, and his voice was laced with worry and she swallowed before looking down.

“He hurt me.” She whispered, and she could feel Bellamy tense from beside her. 

“Who?” His voice was tenser, and she could hear the anger itching out.

“My mum’s new boyfriend.” She whispered as a tear fell and Bellamy stood up suddenly. Clarke looked at him and barely recognised him. His eyes were full of fury and his jaw was tense.

“What the fuck did he do to you Clarke?” He spat angrily, and Clarke swallowed before looking at him.

“He forced himself on me a-and he said I was a w-whore and I loved it.” Clarke whispered, and it was silent before the shattering of glass sounded and Bellamy had kicked over the table as he was pacing angrily.

“I’m going to fucking kill him. I’m going to kill him!” He shouted, and Clarke could feel her breath speed up. She knew he was mad, but he was scaring her.

“How fucking dares, he touches you? HOW FUCKING DARE HE. I’m going to kill him. What’s his name? What’s his fucking name?” He shouted angrily, and Clarke couldn’t believe this was the same Bellamy. She had never seen him so angry in her life. His face was murderous. Clarke let out a whimper before she could stop it and she felt Bellamy suddenly stop and kneel in front of her.

“Shit Clarke, I’m so sorry. I am so sorry.” He said softly and hugged her as she let a few tears fall onto his shoulder. Her breathing slowed, and she shut her eyes, embracing his arms.

He pulled back and brushed her hair from her voice. “Listen to me, I will not let him touch you ever again. You hear me? I’m so sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve this. And what he said is complete lie. Don’t you ever let yourself believe what he said because it is the furthest thing from the truth. I promise you.” Bellamy shook his head and she was shocked to see his eyes water. He was worried about her.

“Bellamy, I’m ok. I mean, I’m not… but I’m here.” She whispered the last part and he swallowed as he held her hand softly. 

“Clarke, I’d never forgive myself if I let something happen to you. I will not let you go back there.” Bellamy said, and Clarke sighed.

“Bellamy-“She started but was cut off.

“Stay here.” He whispered, and Clarke raised an eyebrow confused.

“What?” She asked in confusion and he bit his lip before looking her in the eyes.

“Clarke, I will not let you go back there. I said I wouldn’t let him touch you again and I won’t. I will not let you get hurt. Which means you cannot go back there. So, stay here, we have an extra room and Octavia would be so happy to have you here… so would I.” He was deadly serious, and Clarke didn’t know what to say. He wanted her to live with them? She’d have to be with Bellamy all the time which wasn’t a bad thing, but it most definitely would not help with her crush.

“I don’t want to intrude.” She stated, and Bellamy suddenly grabbed both of her hands forcing her to look at him.

“Clarke you would never intrude. Please stay here. I don’t want you to get hurt again, I refuse to let you. You deserve so much better than that Clarke… I care about you.” Bellamy said in the softest voice and Clarke felt her stomach knot in admiration of the man in front of her. She couldn’t go back home, she knew that, and Bellamy was offering her a place to stay. As she looked at him she felt her heart speed up just from the sight of him and her palms started sweating as she met his eyes and his little quirk of a soft smile on his lips as he proposed his offer to her and then it came to her. 

It wasn’t just a crush… she was in love with Bellamy Blake and now she needed to decide if she wanted to stay here or not.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday! Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Thank you everyone for the support for this story, it means the world!

Bellamy’s stare was intense as she made her decisions about whether to stay or not. It was a fact that she loved him, she did but there were a few things wrong with that. One, he had a girlfriend; two, he worked at her school; 3, she was a mess right now and he didn’t need to deal with that and 4, he was Octavia’s brother and that would just create so many problems. Yet, she couldn’t stop the words flowing out of her mouth.

“Okay.” She stated, and she saw shock on his face, clearly, he had thought she was going to say no.

“Really?” He asked his lips curling into a smile and she nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll stay here.” She said softly, and he hugged her tightly, kissing her forehead as she came away. He looked happy and his smile made her almost melt inside. She was fucked.

“I wouldn’t have let you say no anyway.” He laughed, and it managed a chuckle out of her to which he smiled widely at when he saw it ghost her lips. “I’ll come with you to get your stuff in the morning ok?” Her face fell when she realised she’d have to go back there and face him and her mum again. Bellamy could sense the worry on her and grabbed her hand tightly.

“Listen Clarke, I promise you nothing will happen. He will not go near you. Please trust me.” He emphasised the word trust and she nodded.

“I do trust you. I’m just scared.” She whispered, afraid to admit it and he nodded in understanding. He always seemed to understand, god he was amazing.

“I know but you don’t need to be scared when I’m here, okay?” He reassured her, and she nodded her head. He smiled and stroked his thumb over his knuckles before standing up.

“Now, I got to clean up this… and before you say ask, no I’m okay doing it alone.” Clarke blushed as he read her mind on what she was going to ask, and she sat there as he cleaned it all up.

“You hungry? I quite fancy a pizza.” Bellamy smiled, and Clarke nodded slightly, she wasn’t hungry, but she didn’t want to say no to him. He nodded and rang up and Clarke was shocked to know he knew her order. God, this man was made in heaven. She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts as Bellamy sat next to her and they watched a film.

 

The pizza arrived, and Bellamy put his and hers out in front of them and Clarke watched in amusement as Bellamy basically scoffed two pieces down in a minute. He blushed and shrugged.

“What? I’m hungry.” He said with a mouthful and she stifled a laugh as she shook her head never mind and took a tiny bite out of her first piece. 

“You not hungry?” He frowned, and she shrugged.

“Not really.” She said, ashamed at him spending his money on her. Bellamy sighed and put his pizza down.

“Clarke don’t think I don’t notice how much all your clothes hang off you nowadays. My sweats are basically drowning you.” He said sadly, and she bit her lip and looked down. Yeah, she hadn’t eaten a full meal in a while, but it wasn’t like she was purposely starving herself. She just wasn’t hungry and if she thought she looked better now anyway then he didn’t need to know.

“I’m just not really hungry anymore.” Clarke looked at him as she played with her hands and he nodded.

“Clarke. Listen to me, if you’re doing this on purpose then please listen when I say that you don’t need to do this… you’re beautiful.” He whispered, and she swallowed and looked at him in shock. Had he really just said that? 

“I’m not doing it on purpose Bellamy.” She said just as soft and he looked at her for a minute longer before sighing and he carried on eating his pizza. Clarke did the same and managed to get through 2 pieces before deciding she was full, however Bellamy had a soft smile on his face when he realised she’d ate two pieces because it was better than nothing.

Before she realised it was almost 1am and her eyes were fluttering shut, it had been a long day. Her eyes shut, and she heard Bellamy turn the tv off and the next thing she was being lifted. Bellamy’s strong arms were wrapped around her and she snuggled her head into the side of his neck. She knew it wasn’t okay, but she was too tired. It was then she realised that her bed was already made, and he put her into it, making sure the covers were tucked into her sides.

“Sleep well Clarke. Goodnight.” He whispered, and Clarke felt his lips touch her forehead as he ran his hand through her hair before leaving. Clarke smiled, and she fell asleep shortly after that.

Bellamy was asleep when he suddenly jolted awake as he heard screaming and shouting. He shot out of bed despite only being in his bed before running into Clarke’s room. 

Opening the door, he saw her thrashing around on the bed and tears falling down her cheeks before he realised she was having a nightmare.

“Stop, please!” She was shouting, and Bellamy ran over to the side of her bed, kneeling next to her face.

“Clarke, ssh. Wake up, it’s just a nightmare.” Bellamy whispered as he put his hand on her shoulder and shook her gently trying to wake her up. His heart sunk at the tears falling down her cheeks.

“Please, Bellamy don’t let him do this!!” Clarke shouted, and Bellamy felt his heart ache at her words. It’s just a nightmare he thought to himself. He shook her some more before she suddenly bolted up with her eyes open and was looking around panicked.

“Clarke, ssh it was just a nightmare.” He whispered to her softly and she shut her eyes as tears fell and he hugged her tightly rubbing her back as he calmed her down. His heart was pained for her, she didn’t deserve any of this pain.

“Sorry for waking you.” Clarke whispered after a few minutes of silence as the tears had subsided and Bellamy was just rubbing her back comfortingly.

“It’s fine Clarke, don’t worry at all.” Bellamy pulled back and held her hands.

“You okay now?” He asked looking at her to make sure and she bit her lip and looked at him.

“Stay please? I don’t want to be alone.” Clarke whispered embarrassedly as she looked down and Bellamy felt his heart stop. 

“Clarke.” He started, and Clarke shook her head as if to say never mind. She didn’t want to hear his rejection again.

He sighed and stood up. “Move over.” He said softly, and Clarke’s heart sped up as she looked at him in shock before nodding and she moved over to the wall as she felt the bed dip from where he entered. She didn’t dare touch him, just having his presence here was enough. 

“Thank you.” She whispered, and it was silent except for their breaths and just as Clarke was falling asleep she heard a voice.

“No problem Princess.”

 

The next morning Clarke woke up to the light and for a moment she forgot where she was before she realised she was in Bellamy and Octavia’s house. However, she wasn’t expecting to be woken up with the feeling of a strong arm wrapped round her middle and a body pressed against hers. Clarke realised then what had happened and gasped softly as she realised it was Bellamy that was currently spooning her. She felt his warm breath on her neck and she bit her lip at the feeling. 

“Morning.” Clarke heard his groggy voice and her heart melted at the sound, imagine being this lucky she thought to herself. He must have realised he was spooning her because his arm suddenly left her waist and he pulled him way and sat up.

“Hi.” She squeaked out embarrassed, why did she have to ask him to stay? Bellamy got out of bed and Clarke’s mouth fell open as she realised he was just in his boxers. Wow. 

“You okay?” He checked on her and she nodded, and he smiled softly before leaving the room and Clarke lay down staring at the ceiling.

After about 15 minutes Clarke came out to see Bellamy fully dressed and eating breakfast, he saw her and smiled before nodding to the cupboards.

“This is your house too now, choose whatever you want.” Clarke nodded and rooted through the cupboards until she found cereal and milk and made herself a bowl.

“So, I thought we could go get your things this morning? Because I have plans later with Roma, so I won’t actually be in but you’re welcome to have Murphy and that round if you want?” Clarke’s stomach fell but she nodded into her bowl as she ate a small spoonful of the cereal.

“However, sometimes I work on a Saturday night at the local bar and was wondering if you wanted to come with? I don’t want you to have to stay here alone and I could use the company.” Bellamy smiled, and Clarke felt her stomach get into knots, but it was excited knots. 

“Yeah, sounds good.” She smiled lightly, and he nodded happy with her answer and they ate the rest of their breakfast in silence.

 

When they got into Bellamy’s car 30 minutes later Clarke could feel her breath getting more shallowed and she was gripping her knee so tight she felt her nails cut her skin. Bellamy seemed to notice and placed his hand over hers for her to stop.

“Clarke calm down. It’s going to be ok. I’m here, ok?” He asked, and she did nothing but swallow. The whole drive there Bellamy was reassuring her and it’s only when they got there that Clarke realise he’d never removed his hands from hers.

Looking at her house made her palms sweat and her knee was bouncing non-stop and Bellamy knew she wasn’t ok.

“Clarke, I’m going to be right here ok. I promise you I will not let anything happen. It doesn’t look like anyone’s home from the looks of it anyway.” He said, and she looked and realised he was right. She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded before suddenly opening the door and walking up her driveway, Bellamy followed. 

She opened the door and stepped inside to see the house empty and felt as if she was able to breath again. 

“All my stuff is in my room.” She stated and saw Bellamy nod and he followed her up to her room. Clarke opened the door and saw her things had been left the same way as she had left them, and she sighed in relief.

“So, this is what Clarke Griffin’s bedroom looks like?” Bellamy teased with a smirk on his face and Clarke rolled her eyes though she was blushing and shoved him lightly.  
“You should be feeling Privileged.” She winked, and Bellamy laughed shaking his head.

“Okay, lets just get this shit and get out.” Clarke stated, and Bellamy nodded as they both started to pack her things.

“Geez you have so much.” Bellamy laughed after about 25 minutes of packing and Clarke rolled her eyes. Just as she was about to say something the front door opened, and she could hear the voices of her mum and Marcus Kane.

Clarke froze, and she could see Bellamy’s jaw had tensed before he dropped what he had in his hands and came to stand in front of her, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“Clarke, it’s ok. Just breathe. I’m not going to let him hurt you. Ok?” He asked, and Clarke nodded but that didn’t mean she was any less scared. 

“Let’s just get the rest of this stuff packed.” Clarke said as she went back to packing her things.

After 5 minutes they’d packed everything into 4 large bags, so they were able to carry them down the stairs and hopefully sneak out but unfortunately Marcus came into the hallway and met her eyes. He smirked. Clarke noticed her mother was passed out on the couch again and Clarke swallowed. 

“Back again for some more?” He winked, and Clarke felt herself swallow as Bellamy put himself between them still holding the bags.

“Don’t you fucking touch her.” Bellamy spat, and Marcus laughed a smirk on his face, Clarke felt sick by even looking at him. Marcus looked her up and down whilst running his tongue across his lip and Clarke had to look away.

“Come on baby. We had fun, I know you want more you slut.” Marcus had barely finished his sentence before Bellamy’s knuckle had connected with his face and Marcus had been thrown across the floor. Clarke saw he was out cold and stared at Bellamy in shock.

“Grab your bags, we’re going. Now.” He said the last word more harshly and Clarke nodded and headed out the door with Bellamy following.

When they arrived back to the flat Clarke put all her bags in her room and came out to see Bellamy holding a pack of ice to his hand. Clarke winced and bit her lip guiltily as she walked over before grabbing the ice pack and apply it properly as she held it down.

“You didn’t have to do that.” She said softly, still looking at the ice pack, but she could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her. 

“He deserved that. The way he said those things about you… the way he looked at you. It made me sick.” He shut his eyes and Clarke swallowed as she looked up to him.

“Thank you. For being there.” She whispered, and Bellamy opened his eyes as he looked at her, their eyes connecting.

“Of course, Clarke. I’m always here for you.” He said softly, and Clarke realised she’d leant forward but suddenly a shrill sound echoed throughout the apartment and Clarke pulled back suddenly, blush covering her cheeks. Bellamy coughed and realised it was his phone as he answered.

Clarke couldn’t hear much except from Bellamy’s hushed voice cursing and hanging up the phone.

“I’m late to meet Roma. You going to be ok here?” He asked, and she nodded, feeling her heart clench at his girlfriend’s name. Don’t be so stupid Clarke. He nodded and rushed out, leaving Clarke stood there feeling her stomach drop. 

 

A couple of hours later Clarke had just finished unpacking all her things when the doorbell rang. She frowned, who could it be? She wondered. Opening the door, she felt relief spread through her as she saw Murphy standing there.

“I brought ice-cream.” He smiled widely, and Clarke couldn’t stop the smile that spread over her lips. Trust Murphy to bring her ice-cream. She opened the door as Murphy entered shutting it behind her. 

Getting two spoons she sat on the couch as Murphy joined her and they both took a scoop of the ice-cream. She knew he wouldn’t let her off so easily though.

“So, you’re living here now?” He asked, and she nodded as she ate another spoonful. Ice-cream really was the way to her heart.

“Yeah, just unpacked all my things.” She stated with ice-cream in her mouth and he scrunched his nose up.

“Clarke, manners.” He said playfully, and she stuck her tongue out at him and he swatted her knee playfully. He coughed putting the spoon down and grabbed a hold of her wrist as he carefully pulled her jumper up. She heard him breathe out as he realised there was only old scars and no new cuts.

“Good.” He whispered to himself, but Clarke heard it and felt guilty, but she couldn’t tell him. Pulling her jumper back down he leaned back against the couch.

“So… you going to tell me about you and Bellamy now?” He asked with a raised eyebrow and she shrugged innocently but the blush on her cheeks gave her away and Murphy smirked.

“C’mon Clarke. I know you, what happened?” He asked, and Clarke sighed as she put the ice-cream down on the floor, seeing as the table had been broken the previous day.

“W-we kissed.” She muttered, and she saw Murphy staring at her with a ‘no shit’ expression. 

“I thought you had. You like him, don’t you?” He asked, and Clarke bit her lip, nodding.

“I… I love him.” She whispered, and she could see by that statement Murphy was shocked. 

“Clarke- “He started but Clarke knew what he was going to say.

“I know Murphy ok? I know. I know that he works at my school, I know he has a girlfriend, I know his sister is one of my best friends, I know that living with him is going to make it so much worse and I fucking know that he is never going to love me back. I know.” She had tears falling down her cheeks by the end of her statement and Murphy hugged her tightly, cradling her head with his hand.

“I know.” She croaked as she hugged him back.

“Clarke listen to me. Bellamy cares about you. Everyone can see that… I just want you to be happy. It’ll be ok. But are you sure you want to live here?” He asked, and Clarke swallowed as she pulled away.

“I don’t exactly have a choice.” She had spat before realising what she’d said. She saw Murphy look confused.

“What do you mean?” Clarke swallowed and looked down. “Clarke.” He’d said more sternly, and Clarke swallowed as she explained the story that she’d explained to Bellamy the previous night and what had happened earlier.

By the end Clarke had tears streaming down her face and Murphy’s face was pale but his eyes were furious. “Clarke. You have to report him.” Murphy stated furiously but Clarke shook her head.

“Murphy, please no. I can’t!” She said desperately as more tears fell and Murphy stood up.

“He fucking abused you! He deserves to rot in prison!” Murphy shouted, and Clarke was shocked. He barely ever shouted at her.

“I can’t! He will come for me. I can’t Murphy ok?!” She was shouting back tearfully, and Murphy ran a hand through his hair.

“Are you ok?” he asked, his tone had gone softer now and Clarke broke down. He hugged her tightly as she sobbed. She sobbed about everything. Her dad, this, her cutting, her friends, Bellamy, Bellamy and his girlfriend, her mum… everything. Of course, at that moment Bellamy had to walk through the front door. He paused as he looked at them before seeing her sobbing and his jaw tensed.

“The fuck did you do?” He asked harshly to Murphy and Clarke turned around looking at Bellamy.

“Bellamy, he did nothing. I was just upset.” Clarke explained but she could see Bellamy’s jaw was still tense and his eyes had anger in them.

“Maybe we should talk about what YOU did.” Murphy spat and Clarke whizzed round to face him, glaring at him.

“Shut up Murphy.” Clarke whispered harshly, and Murphy swallowed.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke begged Murphy with her eyes.

“Nothing.” Murphy shook his head. “Just… make sure she’s ok whilst she’s living here ok?” Murphy asked, and Clarke saw Bellamy nod sternly.

“Of course.” Bellamy asked, and Murphy kissed her forehead before leaving, promising to text her later.

The door shut, and silence filled the room.

“Are you ok?” Bellamy asked softly, and Clarke nodded as she wiped her tears.

“I… I told Murphy about what had happened. He was furious, saying I should report him but I told him that’s not an option.” Clarke said as she shook her head. 

“Maybe… he has a point?” Bellamy said hesitantly, and Clarke pursed her lips looking at him.

“No. I already said no to Murphy and I will say no to you too. It’s not happening.” Clarke said sternly, and she heard Bellamy sigh. “I said no Bellamy.” She said harshly, and Bellamy nodded, before dropping the subject.

“You still coming to the bar later?” He asked, and Clarke sighed, she’d completely forgotten.

“Yeah, I will do.” She said, and Bellamy smiled at her softly.

“How was your day?” Clarke asked, and Bellamy looked taken back for a second before smiling.

“It was good thanks.” That was all he said but it still made Clarke’s stomach clench tightly. She nodded and headed to her room, a nap was in order.

When it reached 6:45pm Bellamy was shouting Clarke’s name as she rolled her eyes.

“C’mon Clarke, I need to be there for 7!” he shouted, and Clarke groaned.

“One second!” She pulled down her dress. It was black and hugged her curves. The sleeves were long, and she wore black tights with it, as well as her boots. 

“Jesus, I’m here.” Clarke said as she walked out and saw Bellamy look at her. Clarke felt herself squirm under his stare.

“What?” She asked, and Bellamy swallowed and shook his head.

“You look really good.” He said zoned out and Clarke bit her lip as she blushed. It was becoming an everyday occurrence nowadays.

“Thanks.” She said shyly, and Bellamy smiled at her.

“Now c’mon. I’m going to be late.” Bellamy said, and Clarke rolled her eyes but followed him out as they both headed to the bar together.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Today's a good day because the cast have started filming for season 6! Hope you're all well. Enjoy! Please read the tags for your warning, especially for this chapter.

Clarke and Bellamy arrived at the Dropship just before it reached 7pm. Bellamy’s boss saw them enter and immediately shouted over to Bellamy.

“About time!” He said, and Clarke saw him roll his eyes before he turned to her.

“C’mon, you can sit here.” Bellamy guided her to the bar where she took her space just at the end. 

The bar wasn’t too busy, but it was full enough that Bellamy didn’t have much time to rest. Clarke sipped on her gin and lemonade that he had done for her, noticing that it was a lot weaker than she would have liked. She glared at Bellamy playfully and he shrugged but she didn’t miss the smirk on his face.

“So, how do you know Bellamy?” She turned to see Bellamy’s boss stood there wiping a glass and she bit her lip.

“I live with him.” She stated, purposely missing out the part where she said she was actually a student at where he worked. The boss nodded and held a hand out.

“I’m Roan.” He smiled, and Clarke smiled back politely and shook his hand. 

She spent the next few minutes chatting to Roan as they got to know each other, and he was really nice and funny. 

“Well this looks cosy.” Bellamy stated as he came over and Clarke saw an unreadable expression on his face. Roan smirked and patted his back. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not stealing her.” Roan teased and moved away before any of them could reply to him. Clarke blushed and downed the rest of her drink.

“Another one please… and make sure it’s actually a double this time.” She said with a raised eyebrow and Bellamy faked innocence as he took her glass.

“I have no idea what you’re on about my lady.” He gasped but winked as he went away to make her another. Clarke felt her gut clench at his words ‘my lady’. She knew it didn’t mean anything to him but god, it meant everything to her. 

Bellamy placed the drink in front of her and Clarke took a sip, wincing at the taste of the gin. The dick.

“What? Is it too strong Princess?” He teased, and Clarke rolled her eyes as she swatted his arm.

“It’s fine.” She proved her point by taking another sip, trying not to wince at how strong he’d made it. 

Suddenly the door opened, and Clarke turned to see all her friends, excluding Lincoln and Octavia, entering the bar.

“Clarke!” Raven said excitedly as she hugged her, and Clarke hugged her back, but the confusion was written all over her face.

“What are you guys doing here?” She asked, and Raven smiled.

“Bellamy told us you were coming with him to his shift so he asked us to come to keep you company!” Clarke turned to see Bellamy smiling at her from across the bar and winked before returning to work. Clarke bit her lip to stop the smile from spreading over her face.

“I need a drink.” Jasper exclaimed and they all laughed. She really did have the best friends.

 

A couple of hours later and they were all pretty drunk. Jasper and Harper were sat in the corner making out, Miller and Monty were dancing wildly in the middle of the bar and Murphy was sat shaking his head at them, but he had a fond smile on his face. Clarke and Raven were sat in a booth as they both talked.

“Look how handsome he is.” Raven said, practically drooling over Murphy as she did another shot and Clarke did the same before slamming the glass down. 

“Raven, you need to tell him how you feel!” She slurred, and Raven sighed as she turned to Clarke.

“I know but what if he doesn’t feel the same way?” She pouted, and Clarke rolled her eyes at her friend.

“Raven, I know him. He does feel the same way.” Clarke sighed, and Raven looked at her intently.

“I hope so, it would suck to like someone who doesn’t like me back.” Clarke bit her lip as her eyes flashed to Bellamy seeing him serving people and smiling at them politely, it made Clarke smile softly before her eyes snapped back to Raven. 

“So, you gonna spill on who your first kiss was now?” She teased with a knowing smirk and Clarke zipped her lips with her finger.

“My lips are sealed Reyes, you aren’t getting nothing out of me.” Clarke promised, and Raven fake pouted.

“I’m one of your best friends though.” Clarke sighed and leant in closer to Raven as Raven did the same.

“You can’t tell anyone though…it was Bellamy.” She whispered.

“WHAT!” Raven shouted, and Clarke slapped her hand over Raven’s mouth as Bellamy looked over with an eyebrow raised but Clarke ignored him. 

“Raven, you can’t tell anyone. Only you and Murphy know.” Clarke slurred as she rested her head on her hand and Raven nodded.

“When was it?” She asked, and Clarke was about to answer when the door swung open and in strolled Bellamy’s girlfriend. Clarke felt her heart drop as she saw Roma stroll over to where Bellamy was, and her stomach churned when she saw them kiss.

“I don’t like her.” Raven mumbled as she took another shot and Clarke agreed before taking another two shots. She needed this shit.

Bellamy pointed over to her and her face paled when she saw Roma turn and Roma started walking over to her. Clarke felt herself get nervous, despite all the alcohol being in her system and turned to Raven.

“I’m going to go see Murphy.” Raven muttered as she left, and Clarke glared at her. 

“Hey Clarke. Mind if I sit?” Roma said, and Clarke couldn’t find the words and just nodded. She felt Murphy and Raven looking over at her, but she ignored them.

“So, Bellamy tells me you’re living at his now.” Roma said in a fake voice and Clarke nodded.

“Yeah.” She said shortly, and Roma crossed her legs and looked at Clarke with a smile that could only be described as fake.

“I can see you have a crush on him, I’m not stupid.” Roma spat and Clarke swallowed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The alcohol in her system making Clarke more confident than she’d have liked to be.

“Yes, you do. I see the way you look at him, I’m not stupid Clarke. But that’s all it’s ever going to be. A stupid crush. Do you really think that someone like you would ever have a chance with him?” Roma asked smirking and Clarke saw Bellamy had gone for his break, of course she’d do this now when he wasn’t there to witness it.

“You’re nothing more to him than a student, his sister’s friend. Ok? He doesn’t care about you. He might make you think that, but he just feels sorry for you in reality.” Roma taunted, and Clarke felt tears rise to her eyes. No, you are not crying over this. 

“Honestly Clarke. He only took you in because he felt sorry for you. I mean, it must suck having no dad, right? You’re nothing Clarke, a nobody. I’m only going to say this once ok? Stay away from him. If I ever hear you’ve been near him or anything like that… you’re dead. Stop being a slut and get real Clarke, there’s no one that cares about you. You’re worthless and at the end of the day, all your friends? They just pity you.” Clarke could feel her breath speeding up at the things she was saying.

“Don’t think you’re fooling anyone with the long sleeves either. I’d hide my arms too if they were littered with cuts. You’re a fucking freak. Bellamy tells me everything you say you know? It’s all just tragic. Your life is tragic. Maybe you should just end it.” Roma finished with the blow and Clarke felt herself standing up. She ignored the calls from Raven and ran out of there, she ran and ran and ran. She just had to get out of there.

Roma was right. Bellamy was never going to see her like that. She was nothing! What if Roma told Bellamy about her cutting? Fuck, she couldn’t do this. Her breathing was getting faster and she realised she was sobbing but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t do this anymore, she wasn’t worth the pain for everyone. 

 

Before she knew it, she’d reached Bellamy’s, well her house and wandered inside. She was running around the house frantically before she reached the kitchen and desperately searched through the cupboards. 

“C’mon.” She sobbed desperately before she came across the medicine cabinet and found some pills. She clutched them and sank to the floor, trying to control her breathing. Sob’s made their way out of her mouth and she put her head on her knees.

She stood up soon after and made her way into the bathroom with the pills and a glass of water. She sobbed quietly before taking the pills one by one. Once empty, she lay down and sobbed harder than she had ever. It would be ok soon, she’d be happy and so would everyone else because they wouldn’t have to deal with her. Her eyes started to close, and blackness took over. She’d be ok now.

 

Bellamy had come out after his shift to see Clarke had gone and when he asked the others they’d shrugged because they hadn’t seen anything. Murphy and Raven were too busy making out now and Bellamy smirked at them, of course. Roma had left shortly after, saying she had to be up early tomorrow and Bellamy had wished her a goodbye.   
Finally, his shift was over, and he headed inside. It was just after 12am, 1 hour since he’d seen Clarke last and he presumed she’d be asleep by now. He walked to her room, opening it and expected to see her there but frowned when he realised she wasn’t there. 

“Clarke?” he called out, checking the other rooms and frowned even more when he couldn’t find her. He saw the light on in the bathroom and sighed out in relief when he realised he had seen her. 

“Clarke, open up.” Silence followed, and he swallowed before he called out for her again.

“Clarke, please open the door. Why did you leave the bar so early?” He asked through the door and groaned when silence followed out.

He pushed open the door and started speaking. “Clarke, I- “He stopped though when he saw the scene upon him. Clarke was lay on the floor; an empty pill box lay next to her and a glass of water had spilt leaving the floor wet. 

His heart stopped, and he couldn’t breathe. Shock spread over him and he sunk to the floor as he cradled her body.

“Clarke wake up. C’mon, you’re ok.” He said desperately as he cradled her to his body, shaking her to wake up. She didn’t move, and Bellamy pulled his phone out, ringing the ambulance before waiting for them to show.

“Clarke, it’s ok. It’s Bellamy, you can open your eyes now I promise. It’s just me. C’mon, wake up princess.” Bellamy croaked as a sob stuttered out and he brought the back of his hand up to his mouth as he tried to stifle his sobs. His hand stroked through her hair as he started sob. Fuck, fuck fuck. He needed her to wake up. This was his fault, he shouldn’t have let her leave.

“I’m so sorry Clarke. I’m so so sorry. Please wake up. I can help you, we will all help you, but I need you to wake up.” Bellamy spoke louder as he sobbed as if by raising his voice it would make her wake up but all he was met with was silence. 

The doors burst open and two paramedics came in, instantly spotting them in the bathroom as they came around the corner.

“You need to move son, so we can get in and help her.” The male paramedic said, and Bellamy raised to his feet shakily as he moved out the doorway. 

“What happened to her?” The woman asked as she put an oxygen mask onto Clarke’s face and Bellamy opened his mouth, but nothing came out. 

“We need to know what happened, so we can help her.” She said more sternly but Bellamy wasn’t paying attention, he was just staring at Clarke. Clarke who wasn’t moving or speaking. 

They put Clarke onto the stretcher and started to take her to the ambulance as the woman called back.

“Are you coming?” All Bellamy could do was nod and he followed them into the ambulance, praying that Clarke would be ok.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Bellamy was sat with his head in his hands in the waiting room of the hospital as he waited for the others to get here. He’d managed to explain to the paramedics what had happened, and they told him to wait here. That’s all he’d done for the past 2 hours.

“Bellamy!” He turned to see Raven running in with Jasper, Harper, Monty and Miller behind her. She had tears falling down her face as did some of the others and he stood up.

“Is she ok?” Jasper ask tearfully, and Bellamy swallowed as he shrugged. Suddenly Raven had engulfed him into a hug and he was expecting tears to fall but he just felt numb, like he couldn’t speak or move.

“I- I don’t know. They haven’t told me anything.” Bellamy croaked out and they all took a seat again. 

“I can’t believe this has happened.” Monty said, and Bellamy could see they had all sobered up again. 

“She was fine at the bar, raven you was talking to her. Did she seem off?” Miller asked but Raven just shook her head as she stared at the ground. 

“I saw her go. I shouldn’t have let her go! I didn’t realise she was going.” Raven shook her head guiltily and Bellamy bit his lip to stop himself from saying something.

Suddenly the doors burst open and Murphy ran in. Bellamy had never seen him so distraught. Tears were falling down his face and his eyes were blood shocked, the alcohol was still in his system. 

“What the fuck happened!” He shouted to Bellamy rushing over and Bellamy stood up. “You were supposed to be protecting her!” He shouted as he pushed Bellamy and Bellamy understood because Murphy was right. He was supposed to be helping her and keeping an eye on her, but he didn’t. 

“This is not Bellamy’s fault Murphy.” Raven said angrily, and Murphy turned to look at her.

“Why did you have to invite that girlfriend of yours?” Murphy asked angrily, and Bellamy looked at him confused.

“Murphy what the hell- “But he was interrupted as the door burst open again and Bellamy saw Octavia running in with Lincoln behind him. Bellamy almost burst into tears at the sight of her.

“Bell, what happened?” Octavia cried as she hugged him tightly and Bellamy felt a tear fall as he cradled his sisters head in his hands.

“O… I- I didn’t know.” He croaked out as tears started to blur his vision and Octavia put her hands on his cheeks as more tears fell from her eyes.

“Listen Bell, this isn’t your fault… none of us knew this would happen.” She said softly, and Bellamy sat down still holding Octavia’s hand as she sat next to him resting her head upon his shoulder.

“I need her to be ok O.” Bellamy whispered softly, and Octavia snuggled closer to him.

“Me too Bell. She will be. Clarke’s strong.” Octavia whispered.

 

It had been 4 hours when a doctor came out the doors. “Clarke Griffin?” He called and they all stood up suddenly.

“Is she ok?” Bellamy asked, and the doctor sighed as he looked at them.

“She’s alive. Physically, she is ok. But mentally, she most certainly isn’t. We had to pump her stomach. The mixture of the pills and alcohol caused her heart to stop beating but we managed to restart it and she’s alive and stable.” Bellamy felt a sigh of relief flow from his mouth. 

“She needs some serious help. We should be putting her on the psych ward, but we don’t think that’s the best idea right now because there’s some issues going on up there.” The doctor paused before crossing his hands.

“How long has the cutting been going on?” He asked, and Bellamy felt his heart drop. His mouth went dry and he could was hoping the doctor was joking. No… please no.

“A few months.” Bellamy whipped his head round to see the words had left Murphy’s mouth. 

“Yes. The extent of the cutting is very severe, and I’m surprised she hasn’t had to be emitted beforehand to have stitched judging by some of the scars on her arms and legs. It looks as though she had last cut in the last 24 hours judging by the cuts on her legs.” Bellamy felt sick, how the fuck could he miss this?

“She is also very close to being underweight which is not healthy, so we will be monitoring what she eats in here as well.” The doctor spoke, and Bellamy kept feeling more and more sick. 

“Can we see her?” Octavia croaked out and the doctor nodded.

“She needs some rest right now, so it’ll have to be the morning. So, you should all go get some rest and we can talk about her options for recovery tomorrow.” The doctor nodded and left them as they all stood in silence.

“You knew she was cutting and you didn’t say anything?” Octavia said angrily to Murphy and Bellamy had to agree. 

“I promised her I wouldn’t. I never knew it would get this bad! I checked to make sure she’d stopped, and she had… on her arms. I didn’t know she’d moved to her legs.” Bellamy felt bile rising in his throat and couldn’t stop himself as he emptied his stomach into the bin as Octavia rubbed her hand on his back.

“If you had told me, I could have helped!” Bellamy spat angrily once he was done and Murphy snickered, he fucking had the cheek to snicker at Bellamy.

“Oh really? Like you’ve been helping her since her dad died? Maybe if you stopped fucking your girlfriend for one second, you’d have been able to see how much of a mess she was! She’s in here because of you Bellamy. You were responsible to help her, that’s your fucking job! You couldn’t even do your job properly! Hell, she probably overdosed because of you.” Murphy shouted angrily, and Bellamy saw red as he swung his fist at Murphy connecting with his face.

“Bellamy stops!” Octavia shouted with tears streaming down her face and Miller tried to pull him back, but Bellamy shoved him away. Instead he put his hands round Murphy’s throat, making sure it was hard for him to breathe. It’s your fault he kept whispering to himself. He could see Murphy was struggling to breathe but Bellamy didn’t care.

“Bellamy!” Octavia screamed, and it was then Bellamy realised what he was doing. He let go and stood up as Murphy lay there gasping for air. He saw them all staring at him in shock, all had tears streaming down their faces.

“Everyone go home. I’ll stay here in case anything else happens.” He muttered, not meeting anyone in the eye as she sat down on the chair. He heard some muttering and everyone started to file out.

“Bell.” His sister whispered as she crouched down in front of him. “Come home, get some rest.” She whispered and he shook his head. He couldn’t, he couldn’t leave her alone again.

“I’m staying here O. Please go get some rest.” Bellamy croaked as he looked her in the eye and Octavia nearly fell apart at the sight. He looked destroyed.

“Are you sure? I can stay with you if you want.” Bellamy noticed Lincoln was stood by the door waiting for her and Bellamy shook his head.

“It’s fine O. Go with Lincoln, I’ll call you straight away if anything happens ok?” Octavia looked reluctant, but she eventually nodded and kissed his cheek.

“I love your big brother.” Octavia croaked as a few tears fell and Bellamy brushed them away with his thumb.

“I love you too O. Get home safe.” Octavia nodded, and Bellamy watched as her and Lincoln walked out the door hand in hand. Now Bellamy sat and waited for the morning.

 

“Bellamy?” Bellamy opened his eyes and saw Octavia looking at him before he realised where he was and sat up suddenly.

“What time is it?” He asked alert and noticed everyone else was sat there.

“8am. Clarke’s awake.” She said softly, and he stood abrupt. 

“I need to see her.” Bellamy said sternly, and Octavia nodded as she put a hand on his arm.

“You can. The doctor just came to tell us, but we decided to wake you first to let you go first.” Octavia stated, and he nodded as she handed him a piece of paper with a room on it. He took it and kissed Octavia’s head before heading for the room.

When he arrived and looked through the door he saw Clarke lay there, staring at the wall. She had no make-up on and her hair was curly as it fell down her face normally. She looked like she was just resting. He knocked and walked in, but she didn’t turn to face him.

He coughed. “Hey Clarke.” He said in the softest voice he could muster. Clarke just looked at him and Bellamy wanted to cry. Her eyes were empty, and she looked so scared and small. 

He sat down in the chair next to her bed and that’s when he noticed her arms. She had a gown on but it had no sleeves, so Bellamy could see her arms and he wanted to sob. Her arms were covered in old scars of cuts and it tore through his heart. 

“Why Clarke?” he whispered as tears fell and Clarke just looked at him before looking away, not saying anything. Bellamy swallowed and tried to hold her hand, but she ripped it away before he could, and he felt his heart break.

“Clarke, please. Please, talk to me.” Bellamy whispered, basically begging her.

“Go away.” Is all Clarke muttered and Bellamy literally felt his soul being crushed. She wouldn’t even look at him.

“Clarke please- “

“I said go away. I don’t want to see any of you… I’m not even supposed to be here.” Clarke muttered angrily, and Bellamy had to blink away tears. How could she say that?

“Ok… but if you need anything. Please tell me. I’ll be outside. Do you want to see the others?” Clarke shook her head and shut her eyes, missing the devastated look on Bellamy’s face.

Bellamy walked out as he squeezed his eyes shut. She wasn’t ok. Her eyes were so empty, and he knew when she said she wasn’t supposed to be here she meant alive. He saw everyone look at him with hopeful expressions, but he shook his head and their faces fell.

“Bellamy?” Murphy asked addressing him and Bellamy gulped as he looked at them with a crushed look.

“She’s not ok. She didn’t even want to talk to me, she just told me to get out. Clarke doesn’t want to see anyone.” He said sadly, and he noticed the sad looks on all their faces. 

“This is awful.” Harper muttered, and Jasper put his arm around her softly. 

“I can’t just stand here and do nothing.” Raven shook her head and Bellamy had to agree, he felt helpless.

“We need to help get her the help she needs.” Bellamy stated, and the others nodded in agreement. 

“I want to speak to her.” Octavia spoke up and Raven nodded in agreement. Bellamy sighed and ran a hand over his face.

“Try by all means.” Bellamy said, and Octavia and Raven walked off towards her room.

 

When Octavia and Raven entered, Clarke was lay staring at the ceiling but looked up when they entered.

“Hey Clarke. Mind if we sit?” Octavia asked softly but Clarke didn’t move, she just stared at them. Octavia and Raven sat anyway to which Clarke didn’t object.

“How are you feeling?” Raven asked as she swallowed, glancing at her cuts on her arms. Clarke felt her stare and moved them under the blanket out of their sight.

“Talk to us Clarke. Please. We are all so worried.” Octavia pleaded, and Clarke looked at her directly. Octavia almost gasped as she looked into her eyes and she understood what she meant. She was empty. 

“I’m tired.” Clarke whispered, and it broke their hearts listening to their best friend speak like that. 

“I know Clarke. I’m so sorry. If you want to sleep, let us know.” Raven said sadly, and Clarke looked at them before turning her head. They took that as their queue to leave and walked out the door, leaving Clarke alone.

 

Bellamy saw them and sat up straight, hopeful, as they stopped in front of him.

“Well?” He asked hopefully, and Octavia swallowed as a tear fell down her cheek.

“She said she was tired. That’s all that was said… Bell… I’ve never seen her like this. She doesn’t look like she’s even here.” Octavia said brokenly, and Bellamy saw the pain in her eyes and his heart clenched.

He gathered her in his arms as he rested his cheek on top of her head. “O… She’ll be ok.” He whispered before shutting his eyes and whispering to himself. “She has to be.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Hope everyone is well and having a good day. Enjoy this chapter! Prepare for angst!

A couple of days had passed with Clarke being in the hospital and it all remained the same. Bellamy spent all his time in the hospital only going home to shower and eat. Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, Murphy, Jasper, Harper, Monty and Miller visited often but all they did was sit in the waiting room. They’d all tried to speak to Clarke, but she’d not said anything in return. She just stared at them with empty eyes and no emotion. It broke all their hearts.

The doctor had spoken to them about help and said that Clarke would be getting released today. Bellamy had been told to make sure she stayed at his and Octavia’s house for now to which Bellamy had said she was already staying at theirs and hadn’t missed the surprised look on Octavia’s face. Clarke had her antidepressant’s upped, so they were stronger, and Bellamy gone through the house the previous day to get rid of anything sharp that Clarke would use to hurt herself. 

She’d have to go to a counsellor twice a week to which he said Clarke could talk to Bellamy himself as he had the qualification or go to someone else, but it was up to her. Bellamy hadn’t slept in a while, but he was too worried to care.  
Bellamy and Octavia were the only ones at the hospital to take Clarke home because it had been decided it was for the best, so it wouldn’t overwhelm her to which Murphy had cursed a lot, but Raven had taken him home in the end to calm him down.

“You can come in now.” The doctor said to them and they both walked into Clarke’s room. She was sat at the edge of her bed and was fully dressed staring at the wall with no emotion.

“Clarke? Bellamy and Octavia are here to take you home.” The doctor said to her gently to which Clarke turned to face them. She stared at them with no emotion and Bellamy could see straight through her. This wasn’t Clarke.

“No.” She said, and Bellamy saw Octavia look down at the floor and he gulped. He knew it was hurting her just as much as it was hurting him.

“Clarke. It’s ok. We will take care of you.” Bellamy said as he kneeled in front of her, looking at her softly and his heart broke at her face. She looked so scared as she looked at him, as if she didn’t know who he was. She nodded, and he held out his hand as she grabbed it. 

Octavia grabbed the rest of Clarke’s things and together the three of them headed out the hospital, Clarke and Bellamy never letting go of each other’s hands. 

 

When they arrived home, Clarke didn’t move until Bellamy went around the car and grabbed her hand as he had to pull her out the car himself. He exchanged a look with Octavia and she nodded before unlocking the door as they all stepped inside.

Clarke looked round the house hesitantly and Bellamy already knew what she was thinking. He coughed and grabbed her attention to divert it off that.

“I’m going to make some tea. Do you want any?” Bellamy asked Clarke expecting her to say no but to his surprise she nodded, and he sent Octavia a look before walking into the kitchen.

“C’mon. Let’s go get you a shower.” Octavia said as she grabbed Clarke’s hand and walked her to the shower.

“I’m just going to be outside ok? If you need anything just call.” Octavia said as she let Clarke into the bathroom and Clarke stopped and swallowed as she looked at the floor to when her incident had happened. Octavia rubbed her back softly.

“Hey, it’s ok Clarke. Don’t be afraid.” She said softly, and Clarke looked back at her before nodding and stepping inside shutting the door.

She stared at herself in the mirror for a couple of minutes trying to find some emotion on her face, but she couldn’t. Getting undressed she stepped into the shower as the warm water fell down her skin. She looked down at all her cuts and sank to the floor as sobs erupted from her mouth, showing the first sign of emotion’s in days.

Octavia sighed and walked into the kitchen to see Bellamy as he made some tea. He turned abruptly as he noticed her with a concerned look on his face.

“Is Clarke ok?” Worry sounded in his voice and Octavia nodded and sat down in the chair.

“As ok as she could be. She’s taking a shower.” Octavia stated, and Bellamy nodded as he put a cup of tea in front of her. Muttering a thanks Octavia took a sip and sighed.

“What the hell are we going to do Bell?” Octavia asked tiredly, and Bellamy looked at her before putting his hands on the counter and looking down.

“I don’t know O. I’m trying here.” Bellamy said with even more tiredness in his voice and Octavia ran her hands through her hair.

“She froze when she stepped into the bathroom. I thought she was going to breakdown there and then but… nothing.” She muttered, and Bellamy turned to face her with tea in his hands as he leaned against the counter.

“I can’t believe I missed all this... I…” Bellamy trailed off as he took another sip, his eyes full of sadness and Octavia hated seeing him like this.

“Bell. None of us could have known just how bad she was hurting.” Octavia said softly as she kept her eyes trailed on him. She knew how much he was hurting because she wasn’t stupid. She’d known how close him, and Clarke had gotten recently.

“Bell. Since when did Clarke move in?” She asked with questioning eyes. 

“Since Friday. Something happened, and I couldn’t let her go home O. I didn’t want something to happen but… it did anyway. In our house when I was at work.” Bellamy sounded so disgusted in himself and Octavia stood up and wrapped her arms around him as she comforted him. She wished he would stop blaming himself.

“Something must have tipped her over the edge…” Octavia said, almost to herself as she tried to think but was interrupted. 

The door opened, and Clarke walked out. Her hair washed and brushed with her pyjamas on and a dressing gown on top. They pulled apart after seeing her. 

“Clarke, we made you tea.” Octavia said as she grabbed the cup of tea and gave it to Clarke. She nodded and held it, muttering a thanks. 

Bellamy saw the redness in her eyes and noticed she’d been crying. His heart ached. How the fuck was he supposed to help her? 

“Clarke. We need to talk about it.” Bellamy said as he approached her, and she looked down. “Please.”

“I can’t.” She said quietly as she avoided eye contact with him and Bellamy swallowed.

“Clarke- “

“Please Bell. Not right now.” She said quietly but it was stern, and he looked back at Octavia to see her give him a nod and he sighed.

“Okay, that’s fine. What do you fancy for dinner?” He asked her, hoping she would eat something.

“I’m not hungry.” She huffed, and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“Clarke, the doctor said- “ 

“I don’t give a fuck what the doctor said. I’m not fucking hungry.” She spat, and silence flooded throughout the kitchen.

“O, why don’t you go out and pick up some food for dinner?” He asked her, and Octavia got the hint as she sighed and walked out the door leaving Clarke and Bellamy alone in silence.

Bellamy coughed nervously and sat down across from Clarke. “Urm so, how are you feeling?” Bellamy asked cautiously. He didn’t want to upset her anymore than he had done.

Clarke shrugged and took a sip of her tea and Bellamy ran his hand through his hair frustrated. He was only trying to help, and he just wished Clarke would accept his offer.

“Clarke, have I done something wrong?” He asked, and something flashed in Clarke’s eyes, but it was gone just as fast and she swallowed.

“No, of course not.” She whispered, and Bellamy groaned.

“Then why aren’t you speaking to me? I just want to help.” Bellamy said angrily, and Clarke felt anger in her veins.

“I don’t need your fucking help! I’m fine by myself Bellamy.” She spat back at him angrily and Bellamy glared at her and stood up.

“Fine? No Clarke. Fine, is being happy and enjoying life. You are NOT fine. If you were fine, you never would have tried to take your own life and would not have ended up in hospital.” Bellamy said angrily, and he could see the anger radiating off Clarke.

“You weren’t supposed to find me or at least that soon! Don’t you see that if I wanted to fucking be here I wouldn’t have tried to kill myself?!” Clarke screamed with tears falling down her face and Bellamy’s heart crumbled. He couldn’t stand here and let her be like this, but she carried on.

“I don’t want to be here Bellamy. I’ve had enough. Why did you have to find me? Why did you have to come home so early and why didn’t you just leave me?!” She screamed even more as she choked on sobs and Bellamy looked at her in disbelief. How could she say this? 

“Clarke. When I saw you in that fucking bathroom my heart broke into two. Seeing you lay there, with no response and… alone. God Clarke, I wasn’t going to lose you. I could never do that. You mean so fucking much to me Clarke. I wish you would have seen that.” He said tearfully and sternly so she would understand, and Clarke sobbed as she put her hand to her mouth. 

Bellamy walked round to where she was sat and kneeled in front of her, grabbing her hands and forcing her to look at him. Clarke looked at him as tears streamed down her face.

“Clarke. Please never say that again. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. I’m here for you Clarke. Please don’t shut me out.” He said, she could hear the pain in his voice and it made her sob even more. Bellamy wrapped his arms around her and felt his neck get wet with her tears, but he just rubbed her back, comforting her as his arms tightened around her.

“I’m so tired of it all.” Clarke sobbed, and Bellamy honestly thought his heart couldn’t take any more pain. It crushed him to hear her like this.

“I know Clarke. I’m going to help you, ok? I’m going to help you.” He whispered repeatedly.

He pushed her sleeves up to look at her scars and he choked down his own sob. He couldn’t believe how much she was hurting, and he hadn’t seen.

“Clarke, if you ever need to cut again. Please… call me or tell me ok?” He asked, and Clarke bit her lip. “Please.” He emphasised, and Clarke nodded as she pulled her own sleeves down and Bellamy wrapped his arms around her again and that’s how Octavia found them a few minutes later.

“Is everything ok?” She asked worriedly as she rushed over to them and Clarke wiped her eyes as Bellamy looked at Octavia.

“It’s ok. Did you get the food?” He asked, and Octavia bit her lip looking between them both before nodding.

“Yeah. I got us a Chinese.” She said, and Bellamy nodded before looking at Clarke.

“Sound’s good.” She whispered, and Bellamy felt proud of her. He smiled at her encouragingly before helping Octavia to sort it all out.

 

Half way through dinner there was a knock at the door and Bellamy got up to open it and he came face to face with Roma.

“Roma? What are you doing here?” He asked confused because as far as he remembered, they didn’t have plans. Clarke went stiff as she saw who was at the door and felt Octavia’s stare on her.

“I know but I hadn’t seen you in a few days and I missed you.” She pouted and kissed him. Clarke saw them and felt her stomach drop. God, she was so fucking naïve, and her heart ached.

“I’m in the middle of dinner at the moment Roma.” Bellamy sighed, and Roma rolled her eyes before walking in but stopped when she saw Clarke.

“What is she doing here?” Octavia said glaring at her and Bellamy sent her a look.

“I’m his girlfriend Octavia, I’m going to be here whether you like it or not. What is she doing here more importantly?” Roma asked as she looked at Clarke with a glare and Clarke looked down at the table.

“Clarke’s staying with us for a while.” Bellamy explained with his eyes on Clarke and Roma scoffed, annoyed.

“Is that really necessary?” Octavia stood up and Clarke looked at her.

“Yeah, it’s fucking necessary. However, you being here is not necessary so if you could kindly fuck off.” Octavia snarled, and Bellamy looked at her shock.

“O, what the fuck?” He asked, and Clarke watched the siblings as she bit her lip.

“No Bellamy. Why is she here? I just want to eat my dinner in fucking peace!” She said loudly, and Bellamy shook his head.

“Excuse me. I’m here to see my boyfriend, it has nothing to do with you.” Roma argued, and Octavia scoffed.

“Bellamy is my brother, so yeah it does have something to do with me.” Octavia stood closer to her and Bellamy’s eyes flickered to Clarke before back to the two girls in front of him.

“O, what is your problem?” Bellamy asked annoyed and Octavia raised an eyebrow at him.

“My problem is that I want to spend time with my brother for the first time in god knows how long without this bitch getting in the way all the time.” Octavia shouted, and Bellamy looked at her shocked.

“Whatever. I don’t want to be around that whore over there anyway.” She directed at Clarke and Bellamy felt himself become angry. “Call me when you want Bellamy.” Roma huffed and walked out, slamming the door on her way out.

It was silent before Octavia sighed and walked back to her seat as she continued to eat.

“O…” Bellamy started but Octavia shook her head.

“Leave it Bell.” She said nodding her head towards Clarke and Bellamy got the message and sat down silently. So much for a nice quiet dinner.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's late! I have just moved into University so it's been a hectic week! Anyways, hope you all enjoy. This isn't that exciting but next chapter the drama starts!

When Clarke walked into the kitchen that morning she was met with the sight of Murphy standing there talking to Bellamy. Octavia was no where in sight and Clarke stood there and watched them. They seemed to be in a deep conversation and Clarke wondered what they were talking about. 

Bellamy’s forehead was creased, and Murphy’s arms were flailing about as he spoke, and Clarke frowned. What the hell could they be talking about?

Murphy turned his head when he sensed someone was there and stood up straighter when he saw her. Bellamy followed his eyes and mimicked Murphy’s action and smiled softly at the sight of her.

“Clarke, hey.” Murphy said as he approached her, carefully as if he was afraid to touch her.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, confusion written all over her face. 

“I wanted to come and see how you were doing. I missed you.” He said as he hugged her, and Clarke sighed and hugged him back. Her eyes connecting with Bellamy’s as his eyes flickered on them and Clarke saw a flash of sadness go through them before it was gone. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked as he pulled back and Clarke shrugged and looked down again.

“Clarke, please let us help you?” Murphy sighed sadly, and Clarke rolled her eyes and walked past them both as she took a seat on the couch. Both of the guys following her. 

“Clarke please. You know we just want to help you. We can get you a counsellor- “

“I don’t want to go to a fucking counsellor. I’m not crazy.” She argued as she glared at them and Murphy looked to Bellamy.

“We know Clarke.” Bellamy said as he sat next to her. “I was thinking you could speak to me… twice a week. We could start off with some small sessions and if that doesn’t work then we can change it.” Bellamy spoke carefully, and Clarke looked at him.

“You would really do that for me?” She asked incredulously, and Bellamy nodded.

“Of course, Clarke. I care about you.” Bellamy said softly, and Murphy raised his eyebrow at the two.

“Okay.” Clarke said quietly, and Bellamy breathed out a sigh of relief. Murphy smiled at her and nodded.

“You deserve to be happy Clarke. We will get you through this ok? We are always here for you and we always will be.” Murphy said just as softly as Bellamy had spoken and Clarke felt so lucky to have such great friends.

“How did I get so lucky with you guys?” Clarke asked them, and Bellamy smirked.

“I mean, we are pretty amazing people.” Bellamy shrugged, and Clarke shook her head at them with a hint of a smile on her lips. The boys grinned widely when they saw it.

“Okay, well I’m going to head off, but Clarke please text or call me whenever you want ok?” Murphy asked, and Clarke nodded as she hugged him again. Bellamy nodded at him and he nodded back before leaving.

“What were you guys talking about?” Clarke asked, and Bellamy bit his lip and shook his head.

“Nothing interesting.” Clarke didn’t believe him but let it go anyway. 

“So… school?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke groaned and looked down.

“I’m not ready to go back yet.” She whispered, and Bellamy nodded in understanding.

“I agree. School is not the priority. I just wanted to know where you stood with it, but I completely agree with you. Your mental health comes first Clarke, don’t let anyone try and tell you different.” Bellamy said sternly, and Clarke sighed. She was utterly in love with this boy, how was she supposed to stop feeling like this when Bellamy was the reason she was fighting to stay alive? 

“So, what do you want to do today?” It was Sunday and Clarke didn’t want to do anything that included her leaving the house. 

“I don’t want to leave the house.” She admitted, and Bellamy nodded before leaving her and Clarke scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. 

Bellamy came back with a couple of duvets and he was dressed in his pyjamas. Clarke raised an eyebrow in wonder.

“What are you doing?” She pondered, and Bellamy smiled at her before putting the tv on and throwing the duvets over them.

“You don’t want to leave the house, so I thought we could have a film day. Just the two of us.” Bellamy smiled, and his eyes crinkled, and Clarke felt her gut clench. How could anyone not be in love with him? 

“Really?” Clarke asked, her voice full of emotion and Bellamy caught onto it and looked at her with soft eyes.

“Of course. Your pick first.” He winked, and she nodded before flicking through Netflix as they tried to find a film.

“If you have plans, you don’t have to stay with me.” She said quietly, still facing the tv and she felt Bellamy look at her with a frown.

“Clarke, I don’t have any plans. I want to stay with you. I’m excited.” He said the last part with enthusiasm and she stifled a laugh. 

“Where’s Octavia?” Clarke asked as she looked around.

“She’s out with Lincoln. They’ve gone on a lunch date.” He said with the fondness in his voice that he usually had when he talked about his sister.

“They’re really good together. You can see how happy they both are.” Clarke said softly, with only a hint of jealousy and she tried her hardest not too look at Bellamy. 

“She deserves the best.” Bellamy stated softly, and Clarke nodded in agreement. She really did. Octavia wasn’t the easiest person to become friends with but when you were friends with her she was an amazing friend and she always your back, no matter what.

“Now, please put a good film on.” Bellamy groaned as he teased her and Clarke rolled her eyes, trying to hide the fond look on her face. 

 

Clarke didn’t know what time it was but her and Bellamy had been watching films for hours. Her eyes were drooping as they were currently halfway through Mission Impossible, it was Bellamy’s choice, but Clarke couldn’t help it. She was knackered.

“Hey Clarke?” Bellamy asked quietly as he continued to watch the movie.

“Mm?” She answered, and it was silent before Bellamy spoke again.

“Why did you do it?” Clarke’s head snapped over to look at Bellamy and frowned.

“What?” She asked, and Bellamy swallowed, obviously nervous before turning back to her.

“Why did you take those pills?” He asked, and Clarke just stared at him.

What the fuck was she supposed to say? That she didn’t want to be here anymore. That whenever she shut her eyes she saw Kane on top of her, hurting her. That her dad wasn’t here anymore, and she missed him more than anything. That her friends would get sick of her eventually and they deserved more. That she was completely in love with him and it fucking killed her to see him with that bitch oh, who also happened to threaten and insult her like nothing she’s experienced before? Yeah, that would go well.

“Don’t ask me that.” She said quietly, before turning back to watch the movie and she heard Bellamy sigh.

“I just want to help Clarke.” He said softly, and Clarke shook her head.

“I can’t speak about that. Not yet Bell. Please…” She begged, and Bellamy sighed again but nodded.

“Okay, ssh its okay.” He comforted as he put his arm around her and Clarke stiffened at his movement before he pulled back.

“Sorry.” He muttered but Clarke just looked at him. She couldn’t be afraid of him, she wouldn’t. He made her feel so safe and she wasn’t going to let that monster ruin one of the only good things she had going. 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.” Clarke said sadly, and Bellamy hummed in agreement.

“It’s not fair Clarke. Its not fair that you must go through all this. You deserve to be happy.” Bellamy stated as he grabbed her hand and Clarke looked at their hands before nodding and turning her head back to the tv in front of them.

Clarke swallowed before moving slightly and Bellamy seemed to turn his head slightly but didn’t do anything. She slowly lay her body against his side and leaned into him before remaining still to see what Bellamy did. It was silent before there was a ruffling sound and Clarke felt herself trying to stop the smile spreading over her face as she realised he had put his arm around her and his hand was softly grazing her back.

“Thank you.” She whispered. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was thanking him for, but she just felt the need to thank him.

“Thank you for holding on.” He whispered back, and Clarke leaned into him more and if she felt his arm tighten around her, who was she to complain?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday. Hope you are all well. Thank you for the support for this story. I hope you all enjoy.

It had been one week of staying at home and Clarke was bored. Octavia and Bellamy were at school for most of the day and Clarke had gone through too many tv shows to count.

Bellamy was always texting her to see how she was and it made her insides melt. 

Her phone pinged, and she looked down to see a text from Bellamy, speak of the devil. 

‘Hey, do you want anything from the shop on the way home later? O is coming with me- Bell x’ Clarke smiled softly at the message. The way he ended his messages always made her so much more infatuated with him, god she was fucked.

‘No thank you, I’m okay x’ She replied and put her phone down as she flicked through Netflix again trying to find something else to watch. God, she felt as if she had been scrolling for days.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Clarke frowned, who could it be? 

She got up and walked to the door before opening it, her face fell when she saw it was her mum. 

“Clarke.” Abby breathed with a sigh of relief and Clarke swallowed.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked, confusion written all over her face.

“I came to find you, it’s time to come home Clarke.” Abby stated, and Clarke scoffed, yeah right.

“No way, I’m staying here.” She said firmly, and Abby rolled her eyes at her daughter.

“Clarke, you don’t have a say in this.” Abby crossed her arms and Clarke shook her head.

“Yes, I do. It’s my life. Maybe you should have thought about that before abusing me.” Clarke spat, and Abby sighed.

“Clarke, you know how hard it’s been for me.” Abby reasoned, and Clarke threw her arms up.

“And what about me? Don’t you think it’s been fucking hard for me? He was my dad mum! I lost my dad AND my mum.” Clarke cried, and Abby just stared at her.

“Did you know I was in hospital? I overdosed on fucking tablets and, where were you? No where to be seen! I know Bellamy tried to call you too. But you weren’t there!” Clarke shouted, and Abby swallowed.

“I was out of town with Marcus.” Abby said as if it was an excuse and Clarke looked at her in disbelief.

“Since when was that monster more important than me? You have no idea what he has done.” Clarke spat angrily as tears fell and she wiped them furiously. It was silent as they stared at each other.

“I’m sorry Clarke.” Abby whispered, and Clarke shook her head.

“Don’t. Not when you really do not mean it. I don’t want anything to do with you. Not when you’re like this. Just go.” Clarke said as she looked at the floor and Abby nodded before walking away. 

Clarke slammed the door as her hand flew to her mouth, trying to choke the sound of sobs that were escaping from her mouth. She went into her room and lay on the bed as she cried softly to herself. She was so angry at her. How dare she come here and try and demand she goes with her, fuck her. Fuck everyone.

She needed a release, she needed to feel pain. Clarke stood up and rummaged around her room, looking for the razor that she hid when she had first moved in. There was no way   
Bellamy would have found it.

Her hand touched something sharp and she smiled as she felt the cool end of the blade on her finger. She picked it up and sighed in relief when she realised that was what it was.  
Clarke felt extremely guilty, she remembered what Bellamy had said and she bit her lip as tears fell down her face. She needed the pain though, she needed to feel something.

 

Before she knew what, she was doing her phone was in her hands and it was ringing.

“Hello? Clarke?” Bellamy’s voice sounded through the phone and Clarke let out a sob by accident.

“Clarke? What’s wrong? Speak to me.” Bellamy sounded frantic and she could hear him rustling about on the line.

“Bell, I… I-I need to cut.” She sobbed, and she heard Bellamy inhale sharply and a door slam.

“Clarke, don’t. I’m on my way home. Please don’t do anything until I’m there ok? C’mon princess. You’re ok. I’ll be five minutes.” Bellamy said, and Clarke sobbed harder at the nickname. She could hear his car start which meant that he was driving but Clarke couldn’t hold on.

Clarke shook her head as she put the phone down and put the razor to her wrist. She could hear Bellamy trying to speak to her through the other side of the phone, but she couldn’t speak. Slowly she sliced the razor across her arm as she sobbed, tears falling hard and fast down her face. She sliced again and again until the blood was dripping from   
her arm and onto the floor.

The door burst open and Bellamy ran over to her, taking the razor out of her hand as he took her into his arms. Clarke sobbed at the comfort of him as he rocked her back and forth. His chin resting on top of her head as his arms engulfed him.

“I’m s-sorry.” Clarke sobbed, and Bellamy shook his head.

“Don’t apologise. You rang me, you didn’t want too but you had too. It’s ok, I’m here now. God Clarke.” He whispered softly, and Clarke let out another sob at the softness of his   
voice.

Bellamy pulled back and got up as Clarke frowned in confusion before he came back with some bandages and Clarke swallowed and looked down. Bellamy sat down in front of her and grabbed her arm softly as he cleaned up her arm.

It was silent between them and Clarke’s cries had subsided now. Bellamy placed the final bandage on and looked at her.

“Why?” He asked quietly, and Clarke bit her lip and retold the story of what had happened with her mum to Bellamy. 

By the end of it Bellamy was angry. “She had no right.” Bellamy spat and got up angrily and Clarke also stood.

“Bellamy, please calm down.” Clarke said softly as she lay a hand on his arm and Bellamy took a deep breath in. 

“Clarke, thank you for calling me. I meant it when I said I was going to help you.” Bellamy said as he looked into her eyes and Clarke swallowed at the intense look in them.

“When is it going to get better Bell?” She asked quietly as she looked down and she felt Bellamy walk closer to her and he grabbed her hand as she looked up at him.

“It may feel like it’s never going to get better at the moment, but it will Clarke. Trust me.” Bellamy said, and Clarke swallowed.

“How do you know all this?” She asked, and Bellamy sighed and bit his lip.

“Octavia.” Bellamy said softly, and Clarke scrunched her eyebrows up in confusion. What? Bellamy could tell she was confused and carried on.

“When she was younger. Before High School and before she met you. She suffered from depression. I didn’t catch it at first. It was after our mum died and she wasn’t coping well.   
She would lock herself away for hours and she would never let me speak to her. It killed me, and I knew something was wrong. Hell, it was my job to know something was wrong.   
One day, I came home from work early to surprise her and I saw her… she was lay in a pool of her own blood Clarke.” Bellamy had tears in his eyes from the story and Clarke knew her face was written with shock.

“I remember picking her up and driving her to the hospital. I had no idea if she would make it or not and I was a mess. She was my whole world and there was a chance I would lose her. She was okay, physically but emotionally? God, I walked into that hospital room and she broke down at the sight of me. She cried and cried and repeated how sorry she was, and I knew then she needed help, so I got it her. It payed off and she’s good now. Sure, there are days I can see she’s down, especially when she had that fight with Echo. God, I wanted to hurt the girl and I don’t condone that but she’s my world and seeing her like that again just broke me. So believe me when I say it will get better. Because it will Clarke   
and it’s what you deserve. You deserve to be happy.” Bellamy finished, and Clarke wiped the tears from his cheeks that had fallen during the door. 

Clarke was shocked, she would have never expected that. “I… I had no idea.” Clarke said shocked and Bellamy shrugged.

“No one does. Just please believe me when I say you’ll be okay one day. You’re so special Clarke. You deserve the world.” Bellamy whispered softly, and Clarke opened her mouth in shock as their eyes connected. Her eyes flickered to his lips and she swallowed.

Bellamy was leaning closer to her and she felt herself stop breathing, her heart was thumping in her chest. 

 

Suddenly the door slammed, and it jolted them apart as Octavia shouted that she was home. Bellamy coughed and walked out, leaving Clarke in there wondering what the hell just happened.

Some time later there was a knock on the door and Octavia peaked her head in. “Hey. Can I come in?” She asked, and Clarke nodded as she sat up in bed. Octavia’s eyes immediately went down to her arms as she noticed the bandages but didn’t comment on them as she sat down on the edge of Clarke’s bed.

“How was school?” Clarke asked, and Octavia shrugged.

“The usual. You missed Echo slipping though, it was hilarious! She went flying.” Octavia laughed, and Clarke felt herself laugh too. God, the sound was almost foreign to her. 

Octavia quieted down and fiddled with her hands, something Clarke hadn’t seen very often from Octavia. “So, Bell told me that he told you about me.” Octavia said quietly, and Clarke swallowed uncomfortably.

“Er, yeah. I wasn’t prying I swear.” She pleaded, and Octavia shook her head as she looked at Clarke.

“I know Clarke. It’s okay, really. Just, it was an awful time of my life and I’m trying to move past it you know?” Octavia questioned, and Clarke nodded because she did, she really did understand.

“I get it O, I do. I’m glad you’re better though now.” Clarke said seriously, and Octavia smiled at her.

“Me too. Bell got me through it, he was my rock.” Octavia admitted, and Clarke smiled softly because she understood.

“Yeah, he’s a great guy.” Clarke admitted without thinking then blushed when she realised what she had said.

Octavia raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh really? I thought you two hated each other.” She joked, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“I never hated him, he just hated me.” Clarke shrugged, and it was silent before Octavia spoke up again.

“You’ll get better you know? I know it seems like you won’t now, but you will, I promise.” Octavia said sincerely, and Clarke nodded and looked down.

“It just doesn’t feel like I will.” She admitted, and Octavia nodded in understanding and grabbed Clarke’s hand.

“I know. The amount of times I screamed at Bell about this and he had to calm me down was too many for me too count. But it will, just hold on ok?” Clarke nodded, and Octavia squeezed her hand before pulling back. 

“Bellamy really cares about you, you know. You should have seen him at the hospital Clarke… I hadn’t seen him that distraught since what happened with me.” Octavia admitted, and Clarke swallowed and played with her hands.

“He’s just being polite.” Clarke said, and Octavia bit her lip.

“Clarke, I know my brother.” Octavia said, and Clarke didn’t know what she meant but she didn’t push it. 

“Clarke… why did you do it?” Octavia asked, and Clarke swallowed and shut her eyes.

“O, I…” Clarke trailed off and opened her eyes. Octavia was staring at her but there was no judgement in her eyes, just sadness.

“You can’t tell Bellamy. Promise me O.” Clarke pleaded, and Octavia frowned in confusion but agreed anyway.

Clarke told her about that night at the bar with Roma. She explained everything that Roma had said and what she’d done. She’d explained how everything was just too much and she missed her dad more than anything. She told her about what had happened with her mum and Marcus. The only part she missed out was about what had happened with Bellamy and her feelings for him.

By the end of it Octavia had no expression on her face and Clarke swallowed, she had no idea what she was feeling.

“Are you fucking serious?” Octavia said, too much calm in her voice and Clarke bit her lip, anxious.

“Yeah.” Clarke said, and Octavia stood up, pacing the room furiously.

“I really fucking hate that bitch. I told Bellamy! I told him she wasn’t good for him and she was a nasty piece of shit. I’m so sorry Clarke.” Octavia said, and Clarke was shocked to see some tears fall from her eyes angrily. 

“O, it’s okay- “

“How the fuck is it ok?! You were abused Clarke! The vile piece of shit touched you whilst your mum just lay there and did nothing! And then that bitch speaks to you like that? That is not ok! I’m about to go over there and kick that bitches’ teeth in.” Octavia shouted angrily, and Clarke knew Bellamy would be able to hear her.

“Octavia, you cannot tell Bellamy. Please.” Clarke pleaded.

“Tell Bellamy what?” Clarke and Octavia’s heads whipped over to the doorway to see Bellamy stood there with a confused frown on his face and Clarke swallowed as she turned back to face Octavia. Praying she wouldn’t say anything to him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Sorry I haven't been updating, I've been so busy but I hope you enjoy. Prepare for angst!

Clarke swallowed and looked to Octavia who she could see was holding her tongue.

“Well?” Bellamy pressed on with his eyebrow raised, eyes flickering between the two.

“Just that Clarke has a crush on someone but doesn’t want you to know because you will take the piss.” Octavia lied, and Clarke breathed a silent sigh of relief, thank fuck.  
Bellamy raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Oh really?” Clarke blushed and shook her head.

“O, I told you not to tell him.” Clarke said rolling her eyes and Octavia shrugged.

“Sorry! He was going to annoy me until I told him otherwise.” Octavia stated, and Bellamy nodded in agreement. 

“That is true. Any idea on who it is?” Bellamy asked with an eyebrow raised and she saw a quick look flash in his eyes, but it was gone as soon as it came. 

“Nope, her lips are sealed. Thanks for interrupting girl talk.” Octavia rolled her eyes and Bellamy smiled and pulled her into his arms, messing her hair up with his hand.

“I heard shouting so thought I’d come see what was going on, you pain.” Bellamy teased as Octavia squealed and pushed him away. 

“Get off me, you’re such an idiot.” Octavia rolled her eyes, but she had a hint of a smile on her face. Clarke smiled at the two, they really were amazing people.

“Is that a smile I see Princess?” Bellamy teased, and Octavia raised an eyebrow at the name but didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t realise I wasn’t allowed to smile Bell.” Clarke said, and Bellamy shook his head.

“No, of course you can. You look so much prettier with a smile on your face.” Bellamy said before leaving and Octavia turned to Clarke. Clarke was blushing from ear to ear as she played with her sock.

“What the hell was that?” Octavia asked with a curious tone and Clarke shrugged.

“I don’t know. He was just being nice?” Clarke asked, and Octavia scoffed.

“He was totally flirting with you!” Octavia stated, and Clarke started coughing, choking on nothing.

“O, he has a girlfriend and… I’m a student at the place where he works? Trust me, he wasn’t.” Clarke said seriously, and Octavia looked like she wanted to say more but let it drop. 

“Anyway, another reason I came in here was too ask you if you wanted to come to a party tonight? Jaspers throwing one since his parents are out of town and I know the gang want to see you.” Octavia said, and Clarke sighed.

“I don’t know O. I don’t really feel in the party mood and I don’t want to bring the mood down. I haven’t seen them all since…” She trailed off and Octavia sat next to her.

“Clarke, you wouldn’t be bringing the mood down. If anything, you’d be making the party better! They all miss you so much.” Octavia said, and Clarke bit her lip in thought.

“I doubt Bellamy would let me go anyway.” Clarke said, and Octavia raised an eyebrow.

“No offence but since when was he in charge of you? He can’t stop you from going Clarke. If he’s letting me go he will let you go. Pleaseeeeee?” Octavia begged, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Fine but I don’t want to come home too late.” Clarke said looking at Octavia with a knowing look and Octavia nodded.

“That’s fine, we will come home together and not too late.” Octavia nodded, and Clarke smiled in agreement. 

Clarke walked into the living room whilst Octavia went to take a shower and saw Bellamy sat on the couch reading, he lifted his head when he saw her though and smiled warmly at her. Clarke smiled back and sat next to him.

“You ok?” He asked, looking her over to check she hadn’t cut again and she nodded.

“Yeah, urm. Octavia’s going to Jasper’s party and I think I’m going to go with her.” Clarke stated, and Bellamy just looked at her with a blank face before sighing. 

“Clarke are you sure you’re up for a party?” Bellamy asked.

“I just need to get out, you know? I want to see my friends and have a good time instead of spending my time moping in my room.” Clarke said, and Bellamy licked his lips.

“If you’re sure but if you have any problem or anything, call me and I will come and get you and O. Ok?” He asked, and Clarke nodded and smiled softly at him.

“Yeah, thanks Bell.” Bell smiled back and rubbed her shoulder softly.

“No problem. Make sure you both eat before you go though, I’m not having you drinking on an empty stomach. Remember last time?” Bellamy smirked, and Clarke blushed putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Fine, I’ll make sure we both eat.” Clarke smiled thankfully.

“Don’t remember that we have our first meeting tomorrow.” Bellamy reminded, and Clarke nodded at him.

“I won’t forget. Thanks Bell.” She said and kissed Bellamy’s cheek softly before going back to her room to start getting ready, missing the blush that spread its ways over Bellamy’s face. 

 

When they had ate and were ready they headed downstairs to go out. 

“There is no way you’re going out in that Octavia.” Bellamy spoke sternly from his spot on the couch and Octavia rolled her eyes. Clarke had to stifle a laugh as she gave her the ‘I told you so’ look. 

Octavia was wearing a short black leather skirt with a white lace bodysuit and a pair of black heels. She looked amazing, but Clarke had said from the start that Bellamy would argue about what she was wearing. Clarke however had opted for a pair of denim jeans, also with a bodysuit but it was blue and had long sleeves, however her cleavage was exposed.

“Bell, I look amazing! I’m not going to change. What about Clarke? Her tits are basically out!” Octavia said pointing to Clarke. Clarke blushed and crossed her arms over her chest. 

She saw Bellamy swallow as his eyes flickered to her chest and back to Octavia, if Clarke hadn’t been watching she wouldn’t have even noticed. 

“She’s covered up though! O, seriously.” Bellamy raised his eyebrow at her as if to say challenge him, but he should have known better.

“Please Bell? We’re already late. You know if anyone stared at me in the wrong way or touched me I could kick their arses anyway.” She winked before adding “Plus Lincoln will be there.” She stated, and Bellamy sighed. Clarke knew then that she had gotten her own way.

“Fine, but please do not come home late! I’m not working at the bar this weekend, so I’ll be here if you need anything ok? Have fun and be safe.” He said as he kissed Octavia’s cheek and nodded to Clarke. Clarke nodded back as Octavia dragged her out the door, leaving Bellamy shaking his head with a fond smile on his face.

 

When they arrived, the party was already in full swing. People were outside, the door was wide open, and the music was blaring out. Clarke swallowed, and Octavia grabbed her hand.

“You’ve got this, now c’mon. Let’s go see everyone.” Clarke smiled gratefully at her friend and they walked inside. 

The living room was full of people. People making out, dancing, singing, talking and Clarke felt herself take deep breaths to calm herself down as Octavia dragged them to the kitchen.

“Ehhh, look who it is!” A voice shouted as they entered and saw Jasper, Monty, Miller, Harper, Raven, Murphy and Lincoln stood there talking. 

Octavia walked over to Lincoln and kissed him deeply as catcalls echoed throughout the kitchen. Clarke rolled her eyes and turned back to her friends.

“So glad to see you Clarke!” Jasper exclaimed as he hugged her, followed by the others. Murphy winked at her as he gave her a hug and Clarke smiled and hugged him tightly before he let go and walked back over to Raven, putting his arms around her waist.

Clarke raised an eyebrow and looked at them to see a blush on their faces and Murphy smirked. Clarke smiled because she was happy for them, she really was. It was about time. 

The sinking feeling was that it meant she was the only single one now. She was 9th wheeling. 

“How’s life Clarke?” Miller asked her quietly as the others were talking and Clarke nodded gratefully for his respect. 

“I’m… coping. I’m trying.” He nodded and put his hand on her arm comfortingly.

“I’m always here for you, you know?” Miller said seriously, and Clarke nodded. 

“Thanks Miller.” Clarke thanked him before Jasper’s voice erupted throughout the gang.

“Who wants to play beer pong?!” He shouted, and everyone cheered as Murphy thrusted a drink into Clarke’s hand. 

“Let’s go Griffin, time to beat your ass.” Murphy winked as he walked off with Raven and Clarke shook her head smiling as she followed.

 

By the time it had reached 1am Clarke was drunk. She hadn’t meant to get drunk, but she couldn’t help herself. It wasn’t like last time though, it was a good drunk. 

“Clarke! Are you ready to go yet?” Octavia slurred, and Clarke shrugged.

“I’m ready when you are O.” Clarke said, and Octavia nodded. 

“Call my brother whilst I go to find Lincoln. I need to say bye.” She winked, and Clarke rolled her eyes as she swayed, stumbling out the front door as she said bye to her friends and dialled Bellamy.

“Hello?” Bellamy answered sleepily, and Clarke giggled at his voice.

“Please can you come pick us uppppp?” Clarke slurred, and she heard a soft laugh coming from the other side.

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon. Don’t go wandering off and make sure you and O stick together ok?” Bellamy said sternly, and Clarke rolled her eyes as she swayed to the side.

“Sir, yes sir.” Clarke demanded, and she could tell Bellamy was rolling his eyes at her and Clarke hung up the phone as she sat on the wall.

“What you doing all alone out here then?” Clarke turned her head to see Finn standing there with a smirk and Clarke sighed.

“I’m waiting to be picked up.” Clarke replied shortly, and Finn sat next to her.

“You interested in getting anything?” Finn smirked, and Clarke shook her head.

“Nah, I’m okay Finn.” She smiled tightly, and he nodded.

“You really are beautiful you know?” Clarke looked at him to see his eyes being sincere and she smiled slightly.

“Stop Finn.” She blushed, and Finn moved closer.

“You are. I wish people would see the beauty in you. I do.” He whispered, and Clarke could feel his breath on her lips. She felt herself stop breathing and before she knew it his lips were on hers. She felt herself still before she realised what was happening and kissed him back slowly.

What the fuck was she doing? She was kissing Finn. FINN. She knew she should stop, and it was as if someone heard her thoughts because next minute a car pulled up next to them.

“Clarke?” Clarke pulled back and whipped her head round to see Bellamy sat in the driver’s seat with his window down and his face was unrecognisable with a stony expression on it.

Before she had another chance to say anything he carried on. “Get Octavia. We’re going.” He ordered, and Clarke just nodded and ran inside, dragging Octavia off Lincoln and helped her out as she was too drunk to even walk.

As they got closer to the car Clarke could see Bellamy looking straight forward, he looked angry. Octavia stumbled and Bellamy’s head snapped to them and concern etched onto his face as he saw Octavia.

“Fuck, O.” Bellamy exasperated and got out the car to help Clarke get Octavia into the back seat.

“What the hell happened to her?” He asked with concern and Clarke swallowed.

“She was ok last time I checked.” Clarke muttered and Bellamy didn’t say anything else as he made sure Clarke sat with his sister and got into the car and drove away.

 

When they arrived back at the house Octavia was out cold and Bellamy had to carry her into her room where he tucked her up and kissed her head softly, whispering a goodnight and I love you before shutting the door and going into the kitchen where Clarke was stood drinking some water.

“How the fuck did she get like that?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke could hear the anger in his voice.

“I, I don’t know. She was fine and then the next time I saw her she was fucked.” Clarke stammered, and Clarke could see Bellamy’s jaw tighten.

“She would never have let you get like that. You’re supposed to be her best friend.” Clarke couldn’t believe that Bellamy was blaming her. 

“Are you fucking serious? I’m not her babysitter Bellamy.” Clarke spat, and Bellamy laughed emptily. 

“No, you’re just a slut whoring it about with other guys. All you ever want is attention.” Bellamy shouted angrily before he had realised what he said, and he went pale and had a look of regret on his face.

Clarke felt her breath leave her body as she stared at Bellamy in shock. She couldn’t believe he had just said that to her. 

“Clarke- “

“Fuck you Bellamy. You don’t know anything. Stay the fuck away from me. You’re just like your girlfriend.” Clarke whispered distraught and rushed to her room leaving Bellamy stood in the kitchen filled with nothing but regret.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Hope you are all well. Sorry this is late it's my Birthday today so I've been busy allll day! We are getting closer to the end of the story but I was thinking about doing a sequel if you guys would like that? Or a new story? Let me know! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!

Clarke woke up the next morning and immediately felt the anger and sadness that spread throughout her body as she remembered what had happened last night with Bellamy. She couldn’t believe he had said that to her. 

She groaned as she realised it was her first day back at school tomorrow and she was dreading it already. 4 weeks left, that was all. She realises she should be studying more and planned on doing so.

Clarke got up and walked into the kitchen praying no one was in there so she could get some food. The only good thing is that she hadn’t cut last night, she had refrained from doing so. 

Unfortunately, the world was against her because there was Bellamy sat at the table, drinking some coffee. His head snapped up as he saw her, and his eyes became full of sadness and regret, but Clarke ignored him. 

“Morning Clarke.” He said but Clarke ignored him and got the cereal out of the cupboard as she made herself some breakfast. There was no way he was getting a word out of her after what he had said to her, no fucking way.

She heard him sigh and stand up. “Clarke, I’m really sorry about last night… I can’t even put into words how sorry I am. I was completely in the wrong and it was far from ok what I said. I’m so deeply sorry.” Bellamy said, and Clarke could hear the pain in his voice, but she wasn’t having it. Not yet.

Clarke got her cereal and wandered back into her room, slamming the door in Bellamy’s face without a word.

 

It was a few hours later that Octavia emerged looking half alive and she strolled into Clarke’s room, and lay next to Clarke.

“I think I’m dying.” Octavia groaned as she shut her eyes and Clarke looked up from her textbook and stifled a laugh at the state of Octavia. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and she still had some mascara smudged down her cheeks.

“I think you’ll be ok.” Clarke patted her shoulder as she went back to her textbook.

“I don’t even know what happened. One minute I was fine and the next I don’t remember anything at all. It was definitely Murphy and those stupid shots.” Octavia moaned, and Clarke hummed, eyes focused on her textbook.

“Hey, what’s up with Bellamy? I walked into the living room and he snapped at me to leave him alone when I asked him if he was ok.” Clarke bit her tongue and shrugged.

“No idea.” Clarke lied, and it was silent again as Clarke continued to study.

“Are you excited about going back to school tomorrow?” Octavia asked, and Clarke sighed.

“I’m scared O.” She admitted, and Clarke felt Octavia grab her hand.

“You’ll be ok Clarke. You have all of us and plus Bellamy will be there, so you can talk to him about anything.” Octavia said, and Clarke swallowed, if only she knew. So Clarke just nodded before it was silent again and Clarke knew she’d fallen back to sleep.

The day passed by with no more interactions with Bellamy and before she knew it she was on her way to school the next morning with Octavia and Bellamy. 

Clarke had only accepted the lift with Bellamy because if not Octavia would know something was up and she didn’t want to cause any shit between the two.

Clarke felt her breathing speed up as they got closer to the school and she was scared. She just wanted the day to go ok.

“Clarke, you ok?” Clarke heard Octavia asked and she nodded as she looked out the window, Bellamy looking at her with worry through the mirror. 

“It’ll be fine. C’mon let’s go. Bye Bell.” Octavia said as she kissed Bellamy’s cheek and got out the car.

Before Clarke could open the door, Bellamy spoke up. “You’ll be ok Clarke. I know you’re strong. If you need anything, my door is open ok?” Bellamy said, and Clarke just swallowed before getting out the car missing the sad look on Bellamy’s face. 

When inside Clarke walked up to her locker and a smile spread on her face when she saw all her friends waiting there for her. 

“Clarke!” Raven squealed before hugging her and Clarke hugged her back just as tight. She really did have the best friends anyone could ask for.

“I missed you being at school, I’m so glad we get to see you more now.” Monty said as he also hugged her.

“Yeah and more importantly we’re glad to see you’re doing better.” Murphy smiled and Clarke fell into his embrace as he squeezed her tightly and kissed her hair. 

Now she was with her friends she realised that there was a chance she would see Finn and she was hoping she wouldn’t. Which also meant that Raven could find out what happened, and Clarke knew she would have to tell her herself. It was the decent thing to do, even though it meant nothing, and she would never ever do it again.

“History first yeah?” Raven asked, and she nodded as the rest of their friends headed off to their classes as the bell went.

“Wait, Raven. I need to tell you something, please don’t get mad.” Clarke said to stop Raven from walking off and Raven raised an eyebrow in confusion and Clarke took that as a sign to carry on.

“At the party on Saturday night Finn kissed me. It was brief, and I was drunk, but it meant nothing, and I pulled away pretty much straight away. I’m so sorry Raven and I need you to understand that it was a huge mistake and I’d never do that to you on purpose.” Clarke apologised, and Raven shook her head.

“Clarke, it’s fine.” Raven said, and Clarke looked shock to which Raven laughed. 

“Honestly, it’s fine. I couldn’t give a shit about him anymore. I’m happy with Murphy now and I love him. But thank you for telling me.” Raven said as she hugged her, and Clarke let out a breath of relief. Thank fuck.

“Plus I know you like Bellamy anyway.” Raven added on causally and started to walk away as Clarke stared at her in shock, wait what?

Clarke ran after to catch her up. “Raven, I-I don’t like Bellamy.” Clarke stuttered in shock and Raven just raised an eyebrow at her as they sat in their seats.

“Sure Clarke.” She smirked, and Clarke wanted to reply but the teacher walked in.

 

A few weeks later and Clarke’s exams were coming up. Over the past few weeks nothing really had happened. Clarke mostly studied in her room and went out with her friends. Her and Bellamy hadn’t spoken since and he was still with Roma, it killed Clarke and she wasn’t even angry at him anymore she was just sad but she knew she didn’t stand her chance and so she focused on studying instead.

Clarke hadn’t decided on whether she was going to college or not, however she had been accepted a few schools. Octavia was going to a college with Lincoln about 2 hours from where they were living now. Murphy was staying in town with Raven and the two were planning on running a mechanic shop together. Jasper, Monty, Miller and Harper had all been accepted to the same college and would only be 4 hours away. 

Clarke knew she wanted to do something in art. That was her real love, nothing else.

Her mum had gone somewhere and sold the house, probably taking Marcus with her but she couldn’t care less. They were dead to her. 

Clarke missed Bellamy. She missed been able to talk to him and have a laugh with him, but she saw the glares that Roma would give her every time she was round, and she didn’t dare to go near him. Clarke saw him sometimes looking at her with sadness but when she had turned around to try and speak with him he would have left.  
Clarke hadn’t cut in almost 3 weeks and she was proud of herself. She knew her friends were, and she often heard Octavia updating Bellamy on her condition. Octavia hadn’t heard about what had happened, but she figured out something went down anyway. Clarke was seeing a regular therapist called Niylah who helped her a lot. She would be lying if she said that she didn’t miss Bellamy and that he wasn’t as good, but this was the way it was.

It was now one week to her final exam and she felt as if her brain was about to explode. All she did was study and she knew her friends were doing the same.

There was a knock on the door and she lifted her head to see Octavia stood at the door smiling.

“Hey, Raven just text and invited us all out for a chill at hers if you want to come? Have a break from studying.” Octavia said and Clarke knew she shouldn’t but found herself nodding anyway. Octavia smiled and headed out and Clarke followed after she got some jeans and a jumped on and headed to the car. 

“Wait, who’s driving?” Clarke asked confused but realised as she saw Bellamy come out.

“Bell is coming too so he said he would drive.” Octavia bit her lip and Clarke nodded half heartedly as she got into the car. 

It was silent throughout the journey and Clarke spent most of it looking out the window until they arrived and walked up to the door.

“You came!” Raven smiled as they walked in and heard music playing. It wasn’t booming it was at a nice volume and Clarke saw the whole gang there.

“Clarke!” Murphy smiled, and Clarke went and sat next to him on his other side as Raven took up the other.

“Glad to see you do know what a social life is.” Jasper winked as he handed her a beer and she rolled her eyes as she took a sip.

“Just because you don’t study doesn’t mean none of us do.” She hit back, and Jasper smirked at her as he took a sip. She felt Bellamy look at her but avoided his eyes at all cost.

“I can’t believe we have one week left.” Miller said and they all nodded.

“This year has been crazy.” Lincoln admitted, and Clarke felt eyes on her.

“It has. But I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends.” Clarke smiled, and her eyes flickered to Bellamy and did a small smile to which he copied. 

“Most of it is because of Bellamy though. He volunteered his time to speak to you and make sure you were ok.” Miller admitted, and Clarke swallowed as she looked at Bellamy to see him looking back at her, a blush hinted on his face.

“Yeah.” Clarke said softly before there was a knock at the door and Clarke scrunched her eyebrows up in confusion.

“Who’s that?” Clarke asked, and Raven went to answer the door.

“Oh! Bellamy asked if Roma could join us, so I thought, why not.” She shrugged, and Clarke felt herself swallow and become pale. She could see anger in Octavia’s eyes, but Clarke shook her head and gave her a look to which she sighed and sat back against Lincoln. 

“Hi guys!” Roma walked in and smirked once she saw Clarke before sitting down next to Bellamy and kissing him hard. Clarke felt herself take a breath in and felt Murphy rub her side comfortingly. 

“Enough of that, I don’t need to see it.” Octavia spat, and Roma pulled away as she took a sip of the drink that Raven had given her. 

“So, what are we talking about?” Roma asked, and Clarke saw Octavia smirk.

“Just about how much of an amazing person Bell has been to Clarke.” Clarke felt herself blush and saw anger spread across Roma’s face before it was gone. 

Bellamy bit his lip as he looked at Octavia and saw her smirking, so he glared at her to which she stopped and took another sip of her drink. 

“I’m sure he has.” Roma gritted before taking a long sip and silence spread over the room.

“How about we play some drinking games?” Murphy suggested to which they all agreed.

 

Later, in the night and Clarke was buzzed. Everyone was really. Except Monty and Jasper who were also high. 

Clarke was sat in the garden as heard the door slip open and someone came to stand in front of her and she felt herself stop breathing as she saw Roma looking at her smirking.

“So lovely to see that you and Bell are still close.” She spat, and Clarke opened her mouth to speak but Roma cut her off.

“What did I say? I told you to stay away from him. He doesn’t deserve a nasty whore like you in his life. You’re pathetic. I can’t believe you tried to kill yourself but even failed at that!” Roma laughed, and Clarke felt her heart stop.

“Bellamy doesn’t care about you, none of us do. Raven only invited you because she felt sorry for a worthless loser like you. You’re a joke. No one wants you around and no one ever will. Bellamy will never love you because he loves me and you’re nothing to him. Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even still living there knowing that he can’t stand you. No one will ever like you and you might as well go try and kill yourself again and hopefully maybe this time it will work.” Roma spat, and Clarke felt herself not being able to say anything.

“What the fuck?” Someone said and Clarke realised it wasn’t her or Roma that had spoken up but the one and only Bellamy Blake.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday! Hope you all are well! As we come to the end of this story I just want to thank everyone for their continued support on this story. It's not been easy to right but I've enjoyed it so much. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

“What the fuck?” Clarke turned her said to see Bellamy stood there with a furious look on his face. Clarke had only ever seen this expression once. When she had told him about Kane.

“B-Bellamy.” Roma stuttered, clearly surprised to have been caught. Clarke swallowed as Bellamy took a few steps towards them.

“What the fuck did you just say to her?” Bellamy spat, his voice was low and there was fury in his eyes. Clarke thought if looks could kill then Roma would be gone.

“I didn’t say anything- “Roma started in an innocent voice, but Bellamy interrupted her, he wasn’t having any of it.

“I heard what you just said. How fucking dare you speak to her like that. You’re disgusting.” Bellamy’s voice was ice and Clarke bit her lip, god this was not how her night was supposed to go. 

“Bellamy, Clarke was being awful to me. I was just giving her a taste of her own medicine.” Roma tried to speak innocently and Bellamy eye’s flickered to Clarke as she stood frozen, but she managed to shake her head slightly.

“I knew something wasn’t right, but I never thought it was because of you. I want nothing to do with you anymore. You’re disgusting and I want you nowhere near me or my family. Octavia was right all along. You are a bitch.” Bellamy glared, and Roma crossed her arms and scoffed. 

“Oh please. Clarke’s a no one. She deserved everything she got. Why do you drag yourself down to be friends with this loser? It’s pathetic. She is pathetic, if only she had tried harder when she downed those pills- “

Roma couldn’t finish her sentence before a smack echoed across her face and Clarke’s mouth dropped open as she saw Octavia stood there with fury in her eyes and her hand red. 

“I suggest you get the fuck out of this house before I beat your arse.” Octavia spat, and Clarke bit her lip. Angry Bellamy and Octavia separately was dangerous but together? You did not want to cross their paths. 

“I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me for this freak.” Roma spat before she fled the house leaving Octavia, Bellamy and Clarke stood there.

“Well. Thank god I finally got to smack that bitch.” Octavia stated as she shook her hand and Clarke swallowed as Octavia turned to her.

“I’m so sorry Clarke. She had no right saying all that to you, again. She’s vile.” Octavia stated as she hugged her, and Clarke hugged her back shutting her eyes at the comfort.

It was silent again as Octavia looked between Clarke and Bellamy before coughing. “Well, I’ll be inside if you need me.” Octavia sent Bellamy a look and went inside leaving the two in the garden.

Clarke sat down on the terrace and Bellamy sighed as he did the same, their knees barely grazing. 

“Clarke… I’m so sorry.” Bellamy started softly, and Clarke shook her head.

“It’s not your fault Bell.” Clarke reasoned but Bellamy shook his head in protest.

“No Clarke. It is. I didn’t see how awful she was to you and I invited her round all the time and you had to see her a lot. It must have been awful. I never meant to hurt you Clarke.” Bellamy whispered as he looked at her and Clarke felt a tear fall down her cheek.

“Bell, it’s ok. You didn’t know she had said all those things.” Clarke reasoned, and Bellamy wiped the tear off her face with his thumb and it took everything for Clarke to stop herself from leaning in. 

“It’s not ok Clarke. I was supposed to be there for you and protect you from people like her. Not be bringing one into your life constantly.” Clarke didn’t know what to say to that so looked down. 

“I’m so sorry Clarke. For everything I said. I meant none of it.” Bellamy said, and Clarke could hear the pain in his voice.

Clarke turned to him. “Then why did you say it?” The pain in her voice crushed Bellamy inside and he felt his eyes get watery in return. 

“The truth was… seeing you kissing Finn? It killed me Clarke.” Clarke’s head snapped up and she scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. 

“What?” Her voice came out, barely louder than a whisper and she knew her face was full of shock.

“God Clarke. My heart almost broke at the sight of you and Finn. I never liked Roma. At first I thought I did but then I realised that I never did because I was always in love with someone else.” Bellamy admitted softly, and Clarke gulped, fuck fuck fuck.

“I…” Clarke stammered not knowing what to say.

“it’s you Clarke. It’s always been you, I was just too dumb enough to see it in the first place. But after that kiss we shared and then seeing you with him. It made me realise that all I wanted was you, but I thought you didn’t feel the same.” Clarke laughed, and Bellamy frowned.

“Bell. Are you serious? I’ve been in love with you since the night I came into your room stumbling at Octavia’s party. It killed me seeing you with her and knowing I never even stood a chance. Then that kiss between us I thought that something may have happened, but we never spoke about it again and I presumed it meant that you thought it was a mistake.” Clarke admitted, and Bellamy just stared at her.

“Clarke Griffin. I love you. I want to be with you. I want to hold your hand and be able to kiss you whenever I want and to be able to cuddle with you when we wake up in the morning and before we go to sleep. I want you to be my girlfriend and I don’t care how cheesy it is and I’m sure O will kill me.” Clarke laughed as a few tears fell down her face. “But it is true. I love you Clarke. Will you be my girlfriend?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke smiled widely.

“Bell. I love you, of course I will.” She smiled watery and Bellamy moved forward.

His hand rested on her cheeks as his eyes flickered to her lips and suddenly his lips were touching her. She smiled into the kiss and wrapped her hand around his neck as she kissed him back. Their lips moved together as she shut her eyes.

Clarke couldn’t believe what was happened. Bellamy loved her. HER. His tongue touched her lips, so she opened to give him access as their tongues entwined with each other. Clarke let out a breathy moan as Bellamy pulled her closer. Their lips moving against each other and Clarke couldn’t believe she had gotten this lucky.

“Ew, what the hell!” Clarke and Bellamy separated to see all their friends stood there with different expressions. Miller, Harper and Monty were smiling widely. Jasper was stood there with his eyebrow raised but he had a small smile on his face. Lincoln looked shocked, but he had a smile on his face also. Murphy and Raven were smirking. Octavia stood at the front with her mouth wide open.

“What the hell is going on?” She exclaimed, and Clarke’s cheeks turned bright red as she heard Bellamy cough lowly.

“I love Clarke, O. We’re together.” He admitted, and Clarke bit her lip as she worried about Octavia’s reaction. 

“Clarke what the hell? My brother??” She asked angrily, and Clarke swallowed, this was not good.

“O- “

“No Bellamy. Clarke, he’s my brother! I can’t believe you would do this.” She shook her and stormed back inside leaving them all in silence. 

Clarke felt guilty and it must have shown on her face because Raven stepped in. “Give her some time Clarke. She’ll be fine once she see’s how much you love each other.” Raven reassured, and Clarke nodded.

Bellamy grabbed her hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand soothingly. “I’ll go talk to her.” He squeezed her hand and got up, hoping to find Octavia.

 

Bellamy walked outside onto the front of the porch and saw Octavia sat there with her back to him. He sighed and sat next to her, she didn’t even acknowledge him.

“O. You ok?” He asked, and she shrugged as she played with her hands. A nervous habit that she always did when she was stressed or worried about anything.

“Don’t be mad at Clarke. If you’re going to be mad at someone, be mad at me.” He said, and he saw her look down.

“I’m not mad. I’m just upset that no one told me.” She said softly, and Bellamy hadn’t heard her speak in that tone for a while.

“It literally just happened O. Yeah, I have always loved her, but I had never acted upon it. I’m happy O.” Bellamy breathed out and Octavia bit her lip as she looked at him.

“I can tell that she’s happy too.” She admitted, and Bellamy smiled a slight blush coming over his face. “Are you blushing Bell?” She teased and Bellamy blushed harder and shoved her lightly.

“Shut up.” He said, and she laughed softly.

“I just want you to be happy Bell. Clarke too.” Octavia stated, and Bellamy nodded.

“We are O. But I can’t be fully happy unless I know that you’re happy. If this upsets you too much… I’ll break it off with Clarke.” Bellamy said, and Octavia could hear the sadness behind his voice.

Octavia shook her head. “No, don’t do that. I am happy for you. For both of you. Sorry I over reacted.” She said sheepishly as he leant her head on his shoulder and Bellamy wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he kissed her head.

“You didn’t over react O. That was nothing compared to when I found out you were dating Lincoln.” Bellamy raised his eyebrow and Octavia laughed softly as she remembered to the time that Bellamy had found her and Lincoln kissing one day when he had come home early and all hell had broken loose.

“Yeah, that was one of the worst days of my life.” They both laughed before silence overtook them.

“I’m going to miss you when you go to college O. I know it’s not far away but still, I will miss you. I’ll always be here if you need to talk and you can come home whenever you want ok?” Bellamy said emotionally, and Octavia nodded as a few tears fell from her eyes.

“I know Bell. Thank you for being the best brother I could ever ask for. I’m going to miss you too. I love you Bell.” Octavia cried as she hugged him, and Bellamy hugged her tighter. 

“I love you too O.” He whispered back into her hair before they pulled back and he wiped her tears.

“C’mon. Let’s go see our best friend.” She smiled and they both stood up as they walked back into the house. 

 

Clarke turned around when she heard the door open as she finished her conversation with Murphy and walked over to the siblings.

“Hey.” She bit her lip nervously and Octavia hugged her tightly as Clarke let out a sigh of relief as she wrapped her arms back around her. 

“I’m sorry Clarke. I love you and I’m happy for you both.” Octavia stated, and Clarke looked at Bellamy to see him smiling fondly at the two.

Clarke pulled back but held Octavia’s hands in hers. “Thank you, O., It means so much, I promise I’ll make sure he stays happy.” Clarke smiled, and Octavia smiled in approval.

“I can’t believe it took you both this long but at least you both finally made it eh!” She exclaimed before winking and walking over to Lincoln leaving the two stood there.  
Bellamy wrapped his arm around Clarke’s shoulder as she leant her head against his shoulder. “I can’t believe I made it.” She admitted, and Bellamy smiled proudly.

“I’m so proud of you Clarke. We all are.” Bellamy stated confidently, and Clarke turned her head up to look at him smiling widely.

“How did I get so lucky?” She teased, and he grinned from ear to ear.

“I’m the lucky one.” Bellamy said softly before bending his head down and touching her lips to his as his arms wrapped around her neck as she wrapped her arms around his waist. 

Their lips moving in sync with each other and in that moment, Clarke felt like she was on top of the world and she hadn't felt like that in a very long time.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is. Thank you all so much for supporting this story. It has meant so much to me that you've all enjoyed it and I couldn't be more grateful. I haven't decided if I'm doing a sequel or another story yet but I will make sure you all know as soon as I decide. Once again, thank you so so much for supporting this story and I hope you enjoy the final chapter!

Clarke smiled at her reflection in the mirror as she studied herself. Today was the day. She was finally graduating and leaving High School. She was wearing a long violet dress and on top of it she was in her graduation gown and hat. Her hair was lightly curled, and she had a light amount of makeup on. For once, Clarke could see how beautiful she looked.

She can’t believe she had finally made it. If someone had asked her a few months ago if she was going to graduate High School with straight A’s she would have laughed in their faces, because she honestly didn’t think she would have made it this far, but she had. She’d passed all her exams just like the rest of her friends. She was so proud of them all and she knows they were proud of her, going off the hundreds of times they had told her each. 

There was a knock on the door and Clarke turned to see Octavia standing there in her graduation gown. Her hair was straight, and she had more makeup on than Clarke. Her dress was long and black that went around her neck and was tight. She looked beautiful and Clarke smiled at her.

“Wow, Clarke you look amazing.” Octavia smiled as she walked into the room and stood next to her.

“O, you look beautiful. I can’t believe we made it.” Clarke smiled softly as they looked at one another through the mirror. 

“I know. It’s finally here. Is it bad to say I’m nervous?” Octavia sighed, and Clarke swallowed and shook her head.

“Of course not. I’m nervous too O. I’m so scared to decide what I want to do. I don’t have long left and I have to say if I want to go to college or not…” Clarke bit her lip and Octavia turned to her.

“I know what you’re thinking. Just talk to him.” Octavia said quietly, and Clarke nodded.

“I know, I need too. I’m just… scared of losing him O. It sucks we can’t even be open with our relationship yet because of the school rules and I know people would judge us because of the age difference but I wish we could be honest you know? I’m sick of hiding.” Clarke admitted, and Octavia grabbed her hand forcing Clarke to look at her. 

“Listen, you graduate today Clarke. That means no more hiding. I promise you it’s going to be fine and I know Bell feels the same way. He loves you Clarke and I know he will support you with whatever you are doing.” Octavia said, and Clarke smiled at her friend. Clarke honestly had the best friends she could ever wish for.

“Well if it isn’t my two favourite girls.” Clarke and Octavia turned their head to see Bellamy stood there with a smile on his face as he stared at them both.

Octavia smiled. “I’m going to go get my clutch together.” She said as she started to walk out before Bellamy grabbed her arm softly and she turned to look at him.

“You look beautiful O. I’m so proud of you.” Bellamy whispered softly, and Clarke looked away to give them some privacy.

Octavia smiled fondly at her older brother and hugged him tightly. “Thanks Bell. Love you.” She kissed his cheek and walked away leaving Bellamy and Clarke stood together in the room. 

Bellamy whistled lowly and Clarke blushed as she looked down, Bellamy approaching her. “Clarke… wow… you look amazing.” Bellamy said lowly and Clarke bit her lip as she looked up to see his face wearing a dark expression. 

Bellamy connected his lips to Clarke’s and she let out a soft sigh as she wrapped her arms around his neck as he did the same around her waist. Their lips moved in sync, the kind of kiss that was slower and more passionate than quick and desperate. 

Bellamy traced his tongue against her lips as she opened her mouth to allow the access. Their tongues moved in sync with each other as she bit his lip softly, earning a groan from him as he gripped onto her waist tighter and brought her closer.

Clarke couldn’t believe how lucky she was. She never thought she would see the day where she would be kissing Bellamy and be able to call him hers. But here she was, and she was so fucking happy.

Bellamy pulled back emitting a whine out of Clarke to which Bellamy laughed softly as he rested his forehead against hers.

“We have to go in a minute.” Bellamy said, and Clarke pouted. Bellamy laughed and shook his head as he kissed her softly before pulling back. God he was so in love with this woman.

“I can’t believe you’re graduating today.” Bellamy admitted, and Clarke nodded in agreement as she smoothed out her gown.

“I’m going to be by your side Clarke. With whatever you choose to do. I’ll support you and I’ll be here for you always. You know, that right?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke smiled softly as she nodded.

“Yeah I know that. I love you.” Clarke said, and Bellamy sighed in bliss.

“I love you more so so much Clarke.” Bellamy said as he kissed her again before Octavia’s voice boomed from the living room.

“Come on!! We need to leave now!” Octavia shouted, and Clarke pulled back and looked at Bellamy.

“To be continued.” She smirked as she walked past him, and Bellamy had to hold in his groan as he watched her walk. He was the luckiest man alive.

 

The graduation went well, and Clarke clapped as all her friends stood up and received their diplomas. Her mouth hurt from smiling so much but she didn’t care, she was so happy. 

When it was Octavia’s time to receive her diploma Clarke could hear Bellamy and Lincolns cheers from where she was sat, and she laughed softly to herself as she looked at Bellamy to see him stood up whooping and hollering. What did she do to deserve him?

Not long after it was her go and she saw all her friends stand up and cheer loudly and she smiled brightly at them before her eyes went to Bellamy and saw him standing up and clapping loudly with the biggest grin on his face. She smiled and winked at him as she walked off the stage.

She had done it. She had graduated, and she couldn’t be happier. She found her friends afterwards and they all hugged each other, congratulating each other on graduating. 

Everyone went off to their families and Clarke smiled as she saw Murphy still with her.

“I’m so proud of you Clarke.” Murphy said and Clarke smiled widely at her best friend. “Honestly I am. You’ve come so far and I’m so happy for you. Even if I don’t show it, I’m happy for you and Bellamy.” Murphy admitted, and Clarke felt tears fill her eyes. 

“You don’t understand how much that means to me. I just want to thank you for everything you’ve done. I couldn’t have done it all without you. You saved my life Murphy.” Clarke admitted, and she saw Murphy swallow as he embraced her, and she shut her eyes as she hugged him back tightly. 

“I’m going to miss you so much. But don’t think you’re getting rid of me just yet.” Clarke could practically hear his smirk at the end and she rolled her eyes as she pulled back. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” She smirked back, and he kissed her head, bringing her back into his embrace.

“Go see your parents Murphy. Tell them I say hi.” She smiled, and he nodded.

“Love you Clarke.” He said softly.

“Love you too Murphy. Thank you.” She whispered, and he smiled as he walked off to his parents.

“Clarke!” She turned to see Octavia running towards her and she smiled widely as she embraced her friend. She saw Bellamy following her behind and smiled even wider.

“I can’t believe we did it! We’re finally free from this hell!” Octavia screamed, and Clarke laughed as she shook her head.

“It’s a miracle!” She joined in, both girls laughing.

“I’m so proud of the both of you. I love you both so much.” Bellamy spoke up and the girls smiled at him. 

“C’mon let’s go celebrate. Bellamy’s buying the food!” Octavia sang as she ran off to Lincoln and Bellamy shook his head laughing.

He turned to Clarke and smiled. “You coming?” She nodded and they both walked off, following Octavia their hands brushing occasionally causing a smile out of Clarke.

 

Later, in the night and everyone was round at the Blakes (and Clarkes) relaxing having a few drinks and spending time with each other before everyone went off to college.

Clarke was sat against the arm chair with Bellamy next to her and had her legs over his lap. Lincoln and Octavia were sat on the floor next to one another. Murphy and Raven were sat in the loveseat, Ravens head on his shoulder and Harper, Miller, Monty and Jasper were all spread out on the floor.

“I can’t believe we finally graduated.” Raven said as she took a sip of her drink and the others nodded in agreement. No one could believe it.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do yet Clarke?” Monty asked, and Clarke shrugged as Bellamy stroked her knee, staring at her. She knew he was also wondering but she couldn’t make up her mind.

“That’s ok. You don’t need to decide yet.” Harper chimed in smiling at her and she nodded as she smiled back at her. 

“I just want to thank you all, for everything you’ve done this year. I wouldn’t have been able to get through it all without you guys so thank you. So much.” Clarke smiled tearfully, and everyone smiled back at her, with proud looks on their faces.

“You’re so strong Clarke. I’m insanely proud of you.” Bellamy said as he kissed her softly, earning a groan from the others.

“God, I really can’t wait to go to college.” Octavia moaned displeased and the others laughed as Bellamy chucked a pillow at her face.

“Fuck you O. You’re going to miss us. You all are.” And no one could argue with that because they were. It was going to be strange going from all being together everyday to barely seeing each other but Clarke knew they’d all find times to get to see each other and go to each other’s colleges to visit. It was going to be hard, she wasn’t stupid, but she knew they would all still stay best friends.

“No but seriously. We are proud of you Clarke, I know how shit it was for you and you deserved so much better but look at where you are now!” Murphy smiled, and Clarke smiled back at him. 

“I love you guys.” Clarke spoke tearfully, and she was glad to see the others all had tears in their eyes too.

 

Later, when everyone had gone, and Lincoln and Octavia were asleep. Bellamy fucked Clarke, slow and passionately. Their mouths in sync as he thrusted into her slowly and soft before gradually getting harder and faster, drowning out the long moans she had sounded throughout. He gave her the best first time she could have asked for and he was there to hold her throughout and bring her back down to earth when she came hard and loud. 

As the light from the moon shone through the curtains. Clarke’s naked body was curled around Bellamy’s naked body as he traced circles on her back as they both came down, trying to catch their breaths.

“Bell?” Clarke asked, and Bellamy hummed in response. Clarke swallowed and lifted her head up to face him. Resting her head on his chest as their eyes connected.

“I want to go to College. I want to do art. There’s this great art programme and it’s only 1 hour away so I won’t be too far from you and I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’m certain I want to do it.” Clarke admitted, and it was silent before Bellamy smiled softly.

“I’m so proud of you Clarke. I know you going to college is a big thing for you and I know you will smash it.” Bellamy spoke fondly, and Clarke sighed in relief.

“Honestly Clarke. This doesn’t change anything. Now it just means I get to watch my girl get a career for herself and do me so proud.” Bellamy spoke softly, and Clarke kissed him softly on the lips before pulling back.

“I’m going to miss you.” Clarke whispered, and Bellamy nodded in agreement.

“You have no idea Clarke but I’m so happy for you. I have the best girlfriend anyone could ask for.” Clarke swatted his chest as she blushed, and he pulled her in to his body closer.

“I was thinking. I need to go look at some dorm’s in the next few days… do you want to come with me? I’d really like you too.” Clarke smiled, and Bellamy nodded his head.

“Of course, I will. Got to make sure you don’t end up living in some dump.” He smirked, and Clarke rolled her eyes as she grabbed his free hand and entwined their fingers. 

“You’d never let that happen. You basically stalked Octavia’s room out of her to make sure it wasn’t some awful place.” Clarke teased, and Bellamy shrugged.

“At least now I know she’s living somewhere nice with Lincoln.” Bellamy spoke, and silence flooded the room again.

“We’ll make it through this right?” Clarke asked, and she felt Bellamy’s head nod adamantly. 

“Clarke. Don’t doubt for one second that we won’t. I love you so much. This is only going to make us stronger.” Bellamy spoke with confidence and Clarke smiled softly.

“I love you so much Bell.” Clarke said softly and kissed him before shutting her eyes. College was going to bring a lot out of her and so many surprises and she couldn’t wait because she knew she had the best friends and the best boyfriend she could ever ask for.


End file.
